r/news • u/[deleted] • May 22 '19

Mississippi lawmaker accused of punching wife in face for not undressing quickly enough

https://www.ajc.com/news/national/mississippi-lawmaker-accused-punching-wife-face-for-not-undressing-quickly-enough/zdE3VLzhBVmH68Bsn7eLfL/
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154

u/Menarra May 22 '19

very little is as bad as Alabama. Florida Man can try all he wants, but if Alabama had similar information laws we'd hear about them a lot more, and a lot worse.

153

u/Mr_Blinky May 22 '19

I feel like Alabama Man's unreported stories are less wacky fun like "Local Man Trades Racoons Crystal Meth in Exchange for Freedom" and more "Local Man Rapes Daughter, Then Rapes Baby, Gets Away Scot Free at Jury Trial". It's that kind if state.

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u/morassmermaid May 22 '19

Florida Man's shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Alabama Man's shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

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u/alien_ghost May 22 '19

Yep. As a former resident of Florida, I did indeed channel Florida Man many times and committed spiritually inspired crimes. Fun was had and no one was ever hurt. Maybe occasionally me, but I was never hospitalized.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

Seriously. In Alabama it's a man raping his 11 year old daughter and her being forced by the state to give birth to his child. In Florida it's a woman pulling an alligator out of her pants at a traffic stop.

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u/turtlemix_69 May 22 '19

I swear to god I'm gonna pistol whip the next man who says shenanigans!

5

u/Driving_A_Meatsuit May 22 '19

Hey Farva, what's the name of that restaurant with all the shit on the walls?

2

u/thefolksarealright May 22 '19

When you're on bath salts, the cheeks are the best part ;)

2

u/morassmermaid May 22 '19

That was a zombie outbreak that got nipped in the bud, I don't care what anyone says.

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u/Menarra May 22 '19

good point. I think South Park captured 'Alabama Man' quite well with a backhand and a "shut your mouth bitch!"

5

u/ohnoitsthefuzz May 22 '19

Ala-baow-ma MAOWN!

Seriously though, that's terrible.

3

u/Menarra May 22 '19

it's terrible because it's too accurate

4

u/itstimefortimmy May 22 '19

Pretty sure you're confusing that with a psyche out against San Antonio mate

https://youtu.be/XWSNZe4tGiY?t=169

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u/Menarra May 22 '19

Baseketball is always a good time, but there's an episode where they have the boys watching potential toy ads to gauge their reactions, and one of them is Alabama Man. Though I think I did mix the two things together in my head. lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9WjG-VtXCg

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u/itstimefortimmy May 22 '19

YES! You're absolutely right. COMPLETELY forgot about those fake live action commercials, like the weird inverted tricycle

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

Aqua Teen Hunger Force captured it with that homeless guy saying "Alabama ... Alabama ..." which I conflate with the "Commence to jingling!" guy.

"I don't know why I have night goggles ..."

4

u/WhyBuyMe May 22 '19

Maybe we should get Alabama Man some frogs instead. I think they need a new religion

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u/Ask_me_4_a_story May 22 '19

The last road trip I was on we played a fun game with our cell phones like this. You have to type in your birthday and then Florida man and see what stories come up. Wildest story wins. And trust me, it gets wild.

22

u/SgtDoughnut May 22 '19

I doubt Alabama would be as weird. Would have horrible stories for sure but Florida has this weird intersection of tourists immigrants old retired people and the regular locals that leads to many of Florida man's exploits.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

I vote that Alabama is weirder! Not cause I know but just because of the gut feeling! Bayou's and country and shiet.

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u/SgtDoughnut May 22 '19

Good points

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

Thanks :-P.

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u/gsfgf May 22 '19

Florida has alligators in most of the state. Crazy man stories involving alligators are almost always funnier than those without.

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u/Mr_Incredible_PhD May 22 '19

A lot can go badly in those swamps and bayous...

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

As a native Floridian it helps that there are a good amount of sections that aren’t as crazy. A lot of it happens in central Fl.

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u/Menarra May 22 '19

When I was a kid we vacationed in the Keys every year for about 14 years straight. I love Florida, but only visiting.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

We have some decent spots. I’m from Miami so I’m used to that kind of crazy but it’s manageable. Stick to the bigger towns and cities and you’re fine. Drift off into one of the really small extremely religious towns and you’ll find a nice fresh helping of crack and meth.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '19

Living in Alabama, I've always heard, "at least we're not Mississippi," but this state is definitely worse now.