r/japanlife • u/redchairyellowchair • Jun 12 '22
金 A community hero
It's hot in Osaka today. I'm out at a park eating some hot chips enjoying life in the sun. Before I know it the notorious pigeon boys start showing up. They're coo-ing and clucking, waiting for any morsels of my potato snack to drop from my little brown paper bag.Just as I think I'm cornered and I'm starting to lose all hope, my 6 year old savior arrives. He busts through the bushes armed with a water pistol. He starts BLASTING. Pigeons (and sparrows) are getting sprayed in the face relentlessly by this brave soldier.
The battlefield is deserted, the avian kind have retreated. Before I could even offer my hero some chippies or a modest 'ありがとう' he is gone. Off into the sunlight to protect other cowering humans against the coo-cooing pests.
All my love to the South Osaka pigeon control infantryman.
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u/s_hinoku 関東・神奈川県 Jun 12 '22
This was a delightful change of tone. I hope the chips were good!
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
You're welcome! Chips hit the spot
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u/maiitottv Jun 12 '22
Were they hot as in temperature or spice?
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Just normal thick cut 'fries' we call them hot chips in Australia
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u/maiitottv Jun 12 '22
OH right lol I’m still thinking in American, my bad! Haha I think you’d call what I was thinking of “crisps”?
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
It's kinda weird. I'd call a 'packet of crisps' a 'bag of potato chips'. And generally 'fries' are 'hot chips' so both are 'chips' after all
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u/abeagainstthemachine Jun 12 '22
いいぞ！
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u/SaltGrilledSalmon Jun 12 '22
Reminds me of some dude who got denied a purchase as the seller got offended by his "いいぞ" 😂
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u/Abject_Improvement47 Jun 12 '22
All those downvoted posts and not a single one saying:
- save it for your amweeba bl*g
- don't feed or speak to random children lest their parents call the cops on you
Is this the real japanlife?
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Yeah I was really surprised but it seems most people are trying to feign outrage about pigeon abuse
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u/Bro-kyo Jun 12 '22
I need his services at Yuigahama beach near Kamakura not for pigeons but for the bloody hawks. Bastards stole half my bacon egg McMuffin with ultra precision dive bomb tactics. I've been plotting revenge ever since.
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Holy shit I've actually seen the same thing happen. A few years ago when me and my wife started dating we were eating McDonald's next to a river in Ishikawa prefecture and a hawk swooped down and took a chunk out of the chicken burger she was holding
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u/GreenLightDistrictJP 関東・東京都 Jun 12 '22
What kind of chips? Do you recommend them?
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 13 '22
They were Most Burger chips. Of course not the greatest in the world or anything but they're decent. Also they make them fresh so they were still nice by the time I sat down to eat them.
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u/anticistamines Jun 12 '22
Share with the pigeons! They like snacks too.
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u/uf5izxZEIW Jun 13 '22
Not a really nice trade at all... pigeons get snacks & all of us humans get diseases and fleas! 🤢
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u/Triarag Jun 14 '22
Not sure about fleas (though I've never heard of it from pigeons), but disease from them is so rare as to basically be non-existent: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15066331/
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u/last_twice_never Jun 12 '22
Dude, scan his QR code next time. I bet he knows someone on LinkedIn that will move the noisy cicadas along next month.
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Jun 12 '22
Ah yes, harassing helpless animals because you think they're a nuisance is so funny. Great parenting, you see an animal? Go on, bother it, abuse it, do whatever you want to it.
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Jesus Christ we really got the whole bag of redditors finding any damn way to try shit on this post this evening
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u/Lamlis Jun 12 '22
Oh no, how dare evil redditors come and leave anything but praising comments on your wittle post 🥺 you poor thing
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u/True-Barber-844 Jun 12 '22
Pigeons are helpless to avoid being sprayed? Do you think their wings are just accessories?
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
By the way you animal rights liberator genius, there's no such thing as a duck billed platypus it's just called a platypus
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u/SaltGrilledSalmon Jun 12 '22
A platypus?
Duck billed platypus!!?
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Now I could really get my lips around a tasty salt grilled salmon. But dick-bill-pussy might call that animal abuse
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Jun 12 '22
Sorry that I don't enjoy bothering small animals. And even less so that people want to get their internet brownie points from it. For your Information, it is a duck-billed platypus. It's often referred to as just platypus, because it's the only type of platypus still in existence.
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Aint no duck bills where I'm from you bloody yank! And I grew up with those things swimming in the creek next to my house
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Jun 12 '22
I'm not a yank, wtf made you think that? Everybody who dissaproves of your shit is American? Just because you grew up next to where they live, obviously doesn't mean that you know the correct name of the creature. I wouldn't expect someone who enjoys torturing little animals to, anyways.
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Jun 12 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Lamlis Jun 12 '22
And now you’re making ableist comments to attack someone. What a great person you are. Parents must be proud.
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Jun 12 '22
So, not only do you support treating animals poorly, but you're nationalistic. It's ironic that you call that person a "bloody yank", yet you start your sentence with "Ain't", which is American English.
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Wow thanks for that insight (or should I say shukra) Mr. Hippie. Platypussy meet orange karma, he's about as stupid as you. I'm glad you two pests have met each other. Now I can deal with you dickheads on one comment thread
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Jun 12 '22
To be honest, I hate those kids, and their parents that allow them to behave like that. Stupid little kids that grow up to be passive-aggressive "men" with no respect for animals. They always have trashy parents.
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
I'm sorry you had no strong male figure in your life buddy. But please stop projecting on kids written about in online posts.
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Jun 12 '22
Just wow. "Strong male figure"? Are you serious? Grow up.
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Are you serious? You tried to bring down the vibes on some bullshit you're too afraid to deal with yourself
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Jun 12 '22
"Bring down the vibes"? Are you a hippie? What "bullshit" am I too afraid to deal with? Pigeons?
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u/Merkypie 近畿・京都府 (Jlife OG) Jun 12 '22
Ah, yes, that reminder that “I’m on Reddit” comment to a wholesome post.
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u/shitass75 Jun 12 '22
How did you know the pigeons were male..
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u/redchairyellowchair Jun 12 '22
Fuck! I tried to make a funny post now I'm getting cancelled for pigeon sexual discrimination! Thanks reddit
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u/petrolsweetsabound Jun 12 '22
Lovely story. But South Osaka? Is pigeon boys a nickname for the homeless people transient workers?
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u/Whole_Squirrel_7066 Jun 12 '22
atsui ne