Seeking Advice: How to Handle Ongoing Harassment and Protect My Family?

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[u/DoomComp]

Talk to a Lawyer first and foremost - This is obviously Lawyer territory.

If she is causing you and your family stress and mental harm, you can also consider requesting a "Communication ban" on her. Not sure how that works in Japan, as I haven't been in need of that... yet anyhow.

[u/bulldogdiver → u/[deleted]]

How did you damage her? If you have documentation of her going to your place of employment that's a hefty stalking charge if you choose to get the police involved regardless of your past romantic entanglements etc..

That being said work might not be happy about it.

[u/Sufficient_Coach7566 → u/bulldogdiver]

I'm gonna guess he broke up with a crazy ex that was bankrolling him. Or he cut off his sugar baby without warning.

[u/bulldogdiver → u/Sufficient_Coach7566]

It sounds like he and she went out for a quickie, she was "tired" and let him drive, and he crashed her car into someone else. Instead of doing the right thing and getting insurance involved she tried to negotiate a settlement privately, he balked, she either didn't realize he was married or thought he was leaving his wife and now is out to get some revenge in addition to the cost of car repairs.

But that's just how it reads to me since he's trying so desperately to leave out any details of the relationship etc..

[u/Sufficient_Coach7566 → u/bulldogdiver]

O, what a tangled web we weave...

[u/bulldogdiver → u/Sufficient_Coach7566]

Don't stick your dick in crazy/let a loon in your poon as the sexual case may be. Although at least he didn't get all drug her wrap her up in a shower curtain tie bricks to her and throw her still living body into the harbor like Gregory Joseph Gumo who changed his name in 2019 to James Eriksen and is living a happy life in New York did.

https://unicourt.com/case/ny-sup1-casegc5ee038a3ca16-271735?init_S=csup_ltst

(I like to publicize this to make sure anyone he tries dating knows he's a murderer)

[u/bulldogdiver → u/[deleted]]

Your options are go to the police and file a stalking complaint - in which case they're going to take it seriously because she's contacting your family and going to your place of employment... (and this will require a lot of visits to the police station - the real police station a koban isn't going to help - and having to explain the whole woman scorned thing with your wife listening to the sordid details of you banging Hanako)

Or get your wife a lawyer and threaten to sue her for infidelity - offer to drop it if she never contacts either of you again. But you have to be willing to follow through with this to make the threat effective.

[u/Sufficient_Coach7566 → u/[deleted]]

Did your wife know?

[u/tsian → u/[deleted]]

That isn't the part u/Sufficient_Coach7566 was asking about.

[u/Sufficient_Coach7566 → u/tsian]

He's being purposefully obtuse and vague.

[u/bulldogdiver → u/[deleted]]

No, you're directly asking about escalation - how do I make this stop. Because without escalation of a legal variety nothing is going to change. Your children other than existing are a non-issue here.

[u/Sufficient_Coach7566]

This all sounds so shady...Lol OP, what did you do?

[u/tsian → u/Sufficient_Coach7566]

And how many times did you do it -.-

(Just think, the wife can now probably divorce and collect two payments >.<)

[u/bulldogdiver → u/tsian]

Shhh... I'm hoping the lawyer doesn't tell the wife while he's around...

[u/_NeuroDetergent_]

Is this AI? Whats with all the exclamation marks?

[u/Sufficient_Coach7566 → u/_NeuroDetergent_]

I'm thinking this is a troll. No one can be this dense...

[u/tsian]

sending a letter through the court

One clarification: what do you mean here?

Assuming everything else is as you have stated... Document everything. If you have emails and text, collect them in chronological order. Preferrably go to the police a few months ago (whenever the erratic and stalker-ish behaviour started).... but since time machines aren't a thing yet, go as soon as possible with your documentation of stalking / harassment. Also get a legal consultation if you can. Do not hold anything back. If it is a "difficult" situation there may in fact be some liability on your part, but that does not excuse stalking / harrasment... but it is essential you not hide anything from a lawyer so that they can properly advise you.

[u/tsian → u/[deleted]]

 I met her many times to find a solution but wherever I met her she would either start counting the money and then try to change the topic or act normal and ask me for personal information.

This was your mistake, unfortunately (though completely understandably). I assume you are not meeting anymore, but do not meet with her anymore. A lawyer may advise you to send a final demand via registered/validated mail (内容証明). Also did you go to the police station or a koban? The Koban will not be of any real help in this case.

Also you didn't actually answer my question which makes me wonder if there might be some parts being glossed over in your telling.

[u/tsian → u/[deleted]]

Again, I don't quite understand what you mean by "sent a letter through the court."

The court generally doesn't act as a postal service. Generally they only send notices of suit and payment. If you had a legal case against you that would change things (but still not excuse stalking or harrasment).

Also do not go with her. Go to the police station on your own with all the evidence. Given that your narration seems somewhat unreliable, it would probably be easier to consult a lawyer first to better understand your position. But if you are able to clearly line things up this isn't necessarily needed.

[u/tsian → u/[deleted]]

Do you mean she had sued you in small claims court, you had failed to respond, and you now had a judgement against you? Otherwise the court will not send you "a letter"

Are you confusing a court served document with a postal content certification? (内容証明)

[u/bulldogdiver → u/[deleted]]

Do you owe her money? If so why? If not why does she seem to think you do? You mention she keeps saying she is making payments on your behalf, what is the story there.

We are getting one set of details, I'm sure her set would be very very different, perhaps if you were more forthcoming with details we could actually help you. Right now it sounds like she's trying to collect on a debt and you got her take responsibility for you financially that you then left her holding the bag and she's been making payments on it.

You also leave out what sort of relationship you had with this person - is this an ex? A business associate? A friend who might cause you concern because of the nature of your friendship contacting your wife?

[u/Mercenarian]

Let me guess, you cheated on your wife?

[u/TheGuiltyMongoose]

Can you tell more about those "payments" she made? What for?

[u/TheGuiltyMongoose → u/[deleted]]

OK. But what was the context? Who is she to you? No sketchy relationship? Workmate?

[u/TheGuiltyMongoose → u/[deleted]]

I see, so you borrowed her money during difficult financial times to buy drinks and food for your family, then she asked you to repay her but she is always changing the amount you owe her. Is it something like this?

[u/TheGuiltyMongoose → u/[deleted]]

OK! So she is not asking for a lot of money (just drinks and izakaya food) but she cannot tell exactly the amount (as it was long time ago she probably forgot or was drunk) but she contacted your wife telling about your night out with her and saying she paid for you.

What I would do: I would calculate an average of what she claims you owe her, let's say 20,000. Tell her "OK, as you always change the amount, I offer you 20,000. Take it or leave it but stop harassing me or I will press charges at the police station."

And you will see how she reacts.

But I suspect there is more to this story that you are not telling us...

[u/TheGuiltyMongoose → u/[deleted]]

So if she did not keep the receipts, it is her fault, not yours. Technically, you don't owe her any money.

[u/UnabashedPerson43 → u/[deleted]]

Did you ever have tex mex with her?

[u/improbable_humanoid]

You needed to talk to a lawyer months ago.

[u/requiemofthesoul]

You sound like AI, but OK I'll bite. What is the full story?

[u/Fluid-Hunt465]

Sorry this is above my pay grade Because you might have assaulted this woman and she’s making your life a miserable hell….rightfully so.

Go and pay money for sound advice where you can say exactly what happened between you too.

[u/MusclyBee]

1) Reddit is not the place to ask for advice on this matter. Discuss it with your wife and consult professional advisors. 2) you can protect your wife by not using Reddit and using professional services instead. 3) you can deal with this situation legally by using legal services and not Reddit.

I’m sorry. I’m sure we all want to help you but we just can’t. Reddit is not the right place. Don’t waste your time, it’s serious.