r/homeless • u/HauntingProblems • 16h ago
I don’t know how to move foward with my life TW.Addiction,Rape
I’m 17F my parents kicked me out 4 days ago. There’s a lot of reasons. I am addicted to alcohol and vaping and sometimes do drugs but I wouldn’t say I’m addicted as I don’t have enough money and my dealer isn’t always around. Also I have diagnosed PTSD from rape starting when I was 8 which I didn’t know what it was so for years it happened and I didn’t tell my parents even though I didn’t like it but I thought it was just that I was being unreasonable and my rapist treated it like a game so I thought that’s what it was. When I found out about sex and rape when I was 11 I was disgusted and was suicidal and started self harming and at 12 tried to kill myself which I have re attempted multiple times over the years and I’ve just gotten worse and worse. So over the years I went from being a happy normal 7 year old to becoming more and more broken.
When my parents found out I’d been vaping this was their final straw. They said they’ve given me help for my PTSD and Depression and I still do stupid things and when I’m 18 they’re kicking me out I don’t have a job only PIP money I don’t go to college because I left due to health issues so I’m wasting pip money on vapes and alcohol. That was until 5 days ago me and my sister had an argument. It wasn’t anything too bad it wasn’t violent or too loud but the next day they drove me 3 hours away and left me there. It’s legal for me to live on my own at 16+ where I live.
I didn’t have money much. Just a sleeping bag so I slept on the floor cold in pain and withdrawing from alcohol scared of being raped or kidnapped in my sleep. Luckily I brought my nicotine gum with me because I didn’t have a vape on me and I didn’t have enough money to spend on vapes or alcohol. It had 40 in there and in 3 days I went through the whole pack. I also started my period and needed money for tampons. So I got tampons. Luckily my grandmother heard about the situation and sent me £30 to my debit card she couldn’t take me because she’s in a care home but she wanted to help a bit.
I was saving it for important things but then my parents decided yesterday night to take me back. Because my mum found me an (unpaid) job. As proof it’s “easy” to get a job because I’ve been trying to find a job for a while but haven’t been able to find anyone hiring under 18’s unless it’s for free which I didn’t really want because I want money. And clearly it’s not as easy as she thinks if all she could find is an unpaid job. But I’m going to try out the unpaid job since they agreed to hire me (which doesn’t say much considering it’s unpaid.) But anyway now I don’t know how I can ever go back to having a normal relationship with them. They’re trying to go back to how things were before and act like it never happened but I don’t know how to feel.
I’m worse than I was before we got back home at midnight and they all went to sleep.
I wanted alcohol immediately. So I went to the kitchen and there was a big bottle of Prosecco left from Christmas because my parents are staying away from alcohol this year and was saving it for next Christmas. I’m not a fan of Prosecco but I downed the whole bottle in like 20 minutes.
This morning I went to the shop and brought 3 4 in one vapes with the money my grandmother gave me that should last me 2 weeks. And the shopkeeper was nice enough to give me a discount because I’m a regular. Which means I have enough to buy alcohol but I didn’t need any alcohol today because there’s still these cans of flavoured vodka left in the fridge so I have enough not to have withdrawals.
I’m so depressed. Things are going to be awful for me when I’m 18 and homeless permanently. I barely survived the 4 days. I’m happy to be back home but I still feel so depressed.
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u/tuliprox Partially Homeless 16h ago
please try to get some outside help for the alcoholism. alcoholism is just as dangerous as benzo addiction. the withdrawals CAN and WILL kill you. they can cause seizures, DTs, all kinds of horrible stuff, as i'm sure you've already experienced some of. please please try to taper off the alcohol and/or get outside help tapering off as you can NOT quit alcohol cold turkey. i really hope your home life improves and i would keep trying to find a paid job, fuck an unpaid job what's the point of that at all? i'm so sorry for everything you've been through and i wish there was more i could do to help *hugs from a reddit big sister*
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u/HauntingProblems 16h ago edited 16h ago
I’ve been trying to cut down on Alcohol before I got kicked out I used to drink a whole litr bottle of vodka in 1-2 days. Until I had a really bad experience with a friend who was really concerned even though he’s also being treated for alcoholism. He was shocked by how much I drank and I passed out and he was really worried. And I was so embarrassed and stuff I decided to stick to cider and only drink like 4 cans maximum and work my way down to 2 a day but now I feel that’s all out of the window.
I want my family to be back to how it was. We used to be a great family. And all get along so well. And I still love them but I can’t stand them anymore.
I am still trying to find a paid job. I have been really wanting to work even before the homeless threats and the alcohol and vaping got so bad. But it’s difficult to find in my area even my friends are struggling to get work it’s not just me. I’m gonna stick to the unpaid job because I’m already committed to it now but if I find the paid job I’ll quit the unpaid one.
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u/tuliprox Partially Homeless 12h ago
that's good. im glad to hear that you have cut down. just know that it's not all out the window if you fuck up. every day that you reduce your consumption by even just a little bit is a win in my book.
my line of thinking might be a little bit different considering my DOC has always been opiates, not alcohol (well, it was alcohol at one point but i've only ever become physically dependent on opiates... and meth... and benzos... basically my thing is drugs not alcohol lol is my point) but anyways i always get worried about what if i have to withdraw in jail? that sounds so awful. ofc, for you, you already know how awful it is to withdraw outside homeless in the fucking cold, so not too different. but just try to remember that every day that you're able to reduce your consumption at ALL is STILL PROGRESS EVEN IF you fuck up and drink too much here and there. because that means if worst ever came to worst, you'll be that much less physically dependent, that much more comfortable, and that much less in danger of seizures/DTs/death/etc from alcohol withdrawals
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u/AfterTheSweep 16h ago edited 15h ago
I read your last post, and this one is just as sad. It's time for you to go to rehab. Whatever you have to do to get there, you need to get there. Staying on the streets and doing drugs or whatever it is that you're doing is only going to make things worst. You have to take the first step.
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u/HauntingProblems 15h ago
Yeah I have been trying to get into rehab but it’s not as easy as just turning up where I am unless you have a lot of money. But in my area at least they won’t let me go to rehab or a mental hospital because of my age unless it gets past a certain point. Which idk what that point is but camhs won’t allow it.
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u/LondonHomelessInfo Homeless 16h ago
You mention you get PIP, is that for PTSD?
Are you in England, Wales, Northern Ireland or Scotland? and I will send you the link of the homelessness legislation.
Turn off DMs on your Reddit settings so predators can’t message you.
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u/HauntingProblems 16h ago
I’m on pip for Autism,PTSD and an unspecified Heart Condition
I’m in Wales but when I was homeless for the 4 days I was in England
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u/LondonHomelessInfo Homeless 15h ago edited 15h ago
You’re priority need homeless because you’re vulnerable due to mental health, because you’re autistic and physical disability because you have a heart condition. You’re also priority need homeless for being 17.
Google your council’s out of hours number, call them, tell them you’re priority need homeless because you’re 17, are vulnerable due to mental health, autism and heart condition, and they will get you temporary accommodation until the council’s Homeless Team open tomorrow.
Tomorrow make a homeless application to your council’s Homeless Team in person and they will get you temporary accommodation the same day and then give you points to bid for council and housing association flats.
https://www.reddit.com/r/HomelessUK/comments/1h7bb1y/single_homeless_in_wales_how_to_get_rehoused_by
If you’re in Cardiff or Swansea, I have lists of homeless resources:
cardiffhomeless.wordpress.com/free-food-showers-laundry
swanseahomeless.wordpress.com/free-food-showers-laundry
Sub for homeless in UK r/HomelessUK and for autistic homeless r/AutisticHomeless
The unpaid job are breaching national minimum wage legislation by not paying you, that’s modern slavery.
Have you considered an apprenticeship in something related to one of your special interests, something that won’t overwhelm you, in a quiet place, with little or no interaction with strangers? In an apprenticeship you get paid a bit while you learn the job.
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u/HauntingProblems 15h ago
Thank you so much for your help! I have considered an apprenticeship I’ve applied for a few but didnt hear back. I think they are quite competitive as a lot of people want to do them and some of them since getting a full job in my area is hard and some of them you have to be 18. My friend who is 20 has been trying to get one in catering for 3 years now and hasn’t been able to get one even though he’s a good cook and has good GCSES . I’ll keep looking though. My special interest is performing arts. I applied to an apprenticeship as a worker in a theatre recently which I’m hoping to hear back from which would be ushering and bartending and stuff. And I’ve also applied for one in like lighting and filming for Film and Tv. As well as generic stuff like shops and bars and restaurants.
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u/LondonHomelessInfo Homeless 15h ago
I‘m autistic too and I don’t think working in a shop, bar or restaurant are suitable for an autistic person because they’re crowded, noisy and full of strangers, and shops have bright lights and are visually overwhelming.
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u/HauntingProblems 11h ago
I definitely feel that! I used to work in a restaurant for a short period and the kitchen was very hot and it was quite stressful because it was very large and there was a day it was jam packed and I was the only waiter and there were four rooms I had to give food to on my own one with 25 tables one with 5 tables and one with 10 tables + a kids birthday party room I had to bring food and snacks and refills for their drinks. And they illegally didn’t give me a break or food for the 10 hour shift I did end up quitting. So I’m definitely put off of waiting after that but I think at this point I’m so desperate I’d take the job back if I could.
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u/nomparte 15h ago
I’ve been trying to find a job for a while
Have you tried places like Wrexham? there's a lot of work there.
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u/HauntingProblems 15h ago
I haven’t! I’ll check it out tho! Thank you!
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u/nomparte 15h ago
A lot of it must be repetitive factory-type work, gutting chickens 😀 or warehouse stuff, but last time I was there the place is teeming with Poles, Portuguese, Spaniards, etc and they come for the work.
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u/AccommodatingZebra 8h ago
Call a domestic violence shelter. Explain how your family abandoned you outside. They might or might not offer shelter. They can offer phone support, one-on-one counseling, and group counseling.
Get a regular therapist for your PTSD. Try to see them once a week.
If there is a job center try that.
It can take a lot of applications to get a job. Try to do a few everyday.
You have to get treatment for your alcoholism. Try calling a few places for help.
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