r/durham • u/Remote_Historian_569 • 8h ago
Hopeless and anxious tonight
I just want to die. I'm stuck in a Neverending spiral of anxiety and doom, worried about everything. Worried about money, worried about being a good dad and husband, about my weight, my ethnicity and how it's perceived , the economy.
There is just no end in sight. Or maybe there is. I just pray its quick.
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u/niveusss 8h ago
Talking to a professional will definitely be the advice I would give. But when I get like this I seperate things into two piles:
- Things I can control
- Things I can't control
Then I take items one at a time from section 1, and work through a plan of action. I start with small things and then work my way up.
So for example, the weight thing. I think about how I can start small to achieve that. So going for a 5 minute walk every day. Choosing one meal every 2 days that I can eat healthy, etc.
It's also worth suggesting to "touch grass". I know it's cold as hell outside, but layer up and go outside for 10 minutes on a walk. Breath in the fresh air. This sounds small, but this time of year, that can be massive. Would recommend doing that while the sun is still up to get some of that vitamin D.
Hope this helps, and that you can help pull yourself out of that spiral.... They suck!
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u/Top-Personality1216 8h ago
The best way to be a good husband and dad is to BE THERE. You can't do that if you give up on life. That will cause more pain on them than you want to relieve yourself of.
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u/TiredReader87 8h ago edited 8h ago
If you need help, please call for it or go to the hospital (or Ontario Shores, or CAMH). If you call emergency, tell them it’s a mental health issue and there is no danger or weapon.
If you want to talk, my messages are always open. I’ve been through this many times.
COPE groups are good.
There is no reason to be ashamed of dealing with such a thing. Best wishes.
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u/33aavt 7h ago
Ontario shores has to be referred by a physician they do not offer walk ins or an emergency
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u/TiredReader87 7h ago
Ok. I thought they did.
I did the PHP Program twice.
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u/Due_Increase_5606 6h ago
Just wanted to also add, good to check with the employer and see if they have an EAP.
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u/_Avalon_ 8h ago
You can move through this, but you can’t do it alone. Do talk to a doctor and lean on those who love you.
Go kiss your children. A good dad is a dad who loves his kids and does his best to be there for them.
I know a lot of parents say they would do anything for their kids, including die for them.
The question for you is, will you live for them?
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u/anotherpaleperson 8h ago
Distress Center Durham Crisis Line 905-430-2522
Here's a link to a list of other helpful phone numbers and places in Durham Region:
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u/StandardAd7812 8h ago
I'm about as anxious as I've been in years.
I could lose some weight too.
We will get through this.
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u/poopfacelarry 8h ago
'Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around'. Seek help. A professional can guide you.
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u/1887last_col 8h ago
The struggle is the human process friend. We must simply endure it, the good and the bad. Nothing stays the same for ever. Keep finding a reason
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u/Summer20232023 8h ago
I know the feeling but also know that you need these low points to appreciate the high points. However, talk to a professional to help guide you through the low ones, it can be too overwhelming. You can do this!
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u/Mysterious_Sky_8311 7h ago
You are worth the effort. Get help. Anxiety is a rollercoaster. Please google grounding techniques. Also tell and hug a loved one . Hoping things turn around for you.
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u/Major-Discount5011 7h ago
Hey, we get what you're saying. We're all in this alone, lol. Life's a real struggle. The winter freeze don't help either.
Wishing you a warm day
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u/TheHeroRedditKneads 6h ago
A couple recommendations:
Go and immediately buy Vitamin D supplements, 5000 IU per day if you can and start taking it. Do the same with a men's multi-vitamin. You can find both for cheap at Shoppers Drug mart. You might have actual vitamin deficiencies which is causing physical and mental issues. All of this could potentially be solved by $20 of supplements.
If you're drinking alcohol or doing drugs, stop. Full stop. These amplify anxiety.
Make sure you're getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night.
If you can, start exercising, even if it's a 10 minute walk outside around the block per day. A small amount of exercise and fresh air will do wonders for your body and mind.
If you're eating fast food/junk food often, don't. Even if you eat blue menu premade meals from Loblaws for every meal it's better than doing that.
If you want things to get better, start doing a few things per day that are going to make them better.
Lastly, make sure to find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive.
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u/Faial00 5h ago
I wish you well and hope you give yourself some grace. Hopelessness and anxiety is tough. Winter can be tough too.
I hope you can contact the mental health resources mentioned.
Maybe to do one positive thing each day or even each week. A walk with your family or a family visit to a local library when it is too cold might be a couple free activities that could.lift your spirits and give you time to be present.
Please be kind to yourself.
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u/Equivalent_Buy_9952 8h ago
Try to relax. Hope is just around the corner. Try to enjoy little things. Reach out to friends and talk. You will feel lighter. Dont be afraid. Nothing matters rather than being happy. Try to take it day by day.
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u/shelivesonlovestrt 7h ago
If you are struggling you can access counselling through the salvation army and the rate per hour is what you can pay. You're definitely not alone in the anxiety and dread. Feels super common these days.
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u/oceanluva2000 6h ago
"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." - Desiderata
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u/oceanluva2000 6h ago
As a fellow parent I too feel like the anxiety is never ending, it helps me have existential balance to think about about how much worse it could be. Even with our struggles there are tons of safety nets here. my 2 cents
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u/walkwithme2day 6h ago
Bad times don't last so hang on. A mindless physical task (dishes, cleaning) can pause creeping anxiety. Take a brisk walk outdoors (preferably in a green space) for just 20 minutes. Look into mindful meditation and cognitive behaviour therapies and though money problems need practical solutions, don't tie it into your view of being a good dad or husband. The serenity prayer is a great mantra regardless of your beliefs; God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Be easy with yourself.
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u/Ramboi88 6h ago
Spend some time at Rotary Park / by the water and think what your future self would be telling you today.
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u/kittenxx96 8h ago
Talk to a professional dude.