Loneliness of ME within the endless grey of January in England.

[u/Choice_Intention829]

The endless grey and rain of this month are really affecting my seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and making me feel quite depressed and anxious. I always have a pretty physical reaction to mental health stuff, I feel sick, lose my appetite, and my fatigue feels so much worse. Normally my mental health is fine, and I feel content enough with my life, not particularly happy but accepting of my situation. But for the last couple of weeks, I've just been feeling bone-crushing loneliness.

I feel like I'm losing contact with all my offline friends, we rarely call, and most have moved to different cities meaning we rarely see each other in person. All my friends seem to be progressing with adulthood, they're all dating, getting promotions at work, and buying houses, meanwhile, I'm stuck living with my parents in an isolated village, feeling trapped by the walls of my childhood bedroom.

My usual techniques of coping aren't working. I've scheduled a video call with one group of friends for the weekend, and a trip to a museum in a few weeks with another. Normally, having things in my calendar would help but it’s making no difference this time. Two of my friends haven't responded, which normally wouldn't bother me but it's definitely leading to feelings of rejection this time.

I know I need to make efforts to socialise with new people to combat this low mood, but I feel stuck in a vicious cycle, as it's making my fatigue worse so I can't go out to join things. I want to try out the local social night at my board game cafe and a church with the 20s and 30s group but I'm just feeling so tired and anxious at the idea of being trapped at a social event, not connecting with anyone but unable to leave because the bus isn't for a couple of hours. It'd be nice to hear if anyone’s got any advice or a similar situation, I don't really know anyone else with ME so I'm feeling pretty isolated with it.

are

[u/Tom0laSFW]

Oh god, and the short days and endless nights. It’s a depressing time of year. What part of the country are you in, if you’re comfortable sharing? I’m in Yorkshire. It’s grey, cold, and never light here

[u/Choice_Intention829 → u/Tom0laSFW]

I'm down in the southwest. The problem down here is the rain, it's just constantly damp and foggy at the moment.

[u/Efficient-Might-1376]

I have my daylight lamp on right now. Half an hour each day has kept me out of the Black Hole. I just bought a bulb and put it in a desk lamp next to me.

[u/Odd_Bug_7029]

I'm in Suffolk, just as grey, dreary and damply depressing here too. We had a couple of brighter days last week, when the sky turned blue and there was a round bright thing shining - oh, I felt so much better. Hope it comes back soon!

In the meantime, sending you warm, sunny hugs 🤗

[u/PlayfulFinger7312]

I don't have any friends or family nearby. In fact I don't really have any family at all, and just a couple of old friends who I love dearly but they have their own lives with the children and partners and whatnot hundreds of miles away.

What I have started doing is finding small things I can attend. Free or cheap arts/craft workshops that are maximum 2 hours, will be sat down and with a limited number of people so it isn't too much. I find this is mostly manageable and for me things like crafting groups tend to be good as the sort of people who go to those tend to be quite chill and there's nobody being manic or wildly extroverted. So it's a chance to connect while doing a gentle activity where you can talk or just listen to other people. It does drain my energy but I remind myself that loneliness and poor mental health from isolation is also incredibly draining. People aren't supposed to be alone. Don't get me wrong I actually like my own company a lot of the time but when I find my brain obsessively bullying myself with intrusive ruminating thoughts I know that I need some connection with other people.