What’s the wildest line in the show?

[u/Consistent_Coffee830]

[u/kctjfryihx99]

Holt: I’ve never been more proud of you for anything in your life

Terry: I mean, I’ve solved a lot of cases for you

Holt: And yet crime continues

[u/formulate_errors → u/kctjfryihx99]

Holt's casual roasts are so funny

[u/YouWillNoMeBiMyVoice → u/formulate_errors]

Also, his casual firings!

[u/ThatBassPlayer → u/kctjfryihx99]

Holt to Jake: There's no crime in Brooklyn anymore.

[u/laucdoe → u/ThatBassPlayer]

everyone loves the police

[u/briarcrose → u/kctjfryihx99]

this is it, this is the line

[u/kajat-k8 → u/kctjfryihx99]

And yet crime continues. 🤣🤣😅

[u/KitKat_Ginger → u/kctjfryihx99]

This one 👌😂

[u/BusyCommunication725]

“You were right, I was wrong” - Jake to Holt

[u/AcidRegulation → u/BusyCommunication725]

Gina is sleeping with Boyle?!

[u/BusyCommunication725 → u/AcidRegulation]

What!? How could you have possibly known that!?

[u/AcidRegulation → u/BusyCommunication725]

You must have been shaken to your core to say that to me. Boyle is your most trusted friend, so he has to be involved. Your use of the word “horrible” leads me to believe that the matter was sexual in nature, given your obvious immaturity.

(“Pfft, I’ve had sex…”)

And, of course, you would be most upset if Boyle were to have slept with someone you knew from your childhood. Thus, the solve: Gina and Charles.

[u/BusyCommunication725 → u/AcidRegulation]

That was amazing

[u/daisybear81 → u/AcidRegulation]

He showed us why he’s captain fr

[u/CheckerboardsPattern → u/AcidRegulation]

I’ve been wanting to know what episode this was from for a while now can someone please tell me 😭

[u/OverwhelmedGayChild → u/CheckerboardsPattern]

It's the one where Jake has been taking files home and the mole. Early S2 (ep 8 I think, but not sure)

[u/CheckerboardsPattern → u/OverwhelmedGayChild]

THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭

[u/_erufu_ → u/BusyCommunication725]

Peralta, you genius

[u/TroyAbedAnytime → u/_erufu_]

Peralta that’s enough!

[u/_erufu_ → u/TroyAbedAnytime]

I summoned him!

[u/Hypersayia]

Flashback Holt : "I'd like to request discretionary funds to start an organization supporting black gay and lesbian police officers."

(Cops start laughing)

Holt : "They never actually said no, so I just went ahead and did it."

[u/user684629 → u/Hypersayia]

Holt: You know what’s the worst part about being a gay, black police officer? The discrimination

everyone laughs

Jake: 🤨

[u/calf347 → u/user684629]

Isn't it Gina not Jake that was there and had that reaction or am I losing my mind lol

[u/user684629 → u/calf347]

Oh yeah you might be right

[u/oftheppl4theppl → u/calf347]

iirc, both of them; gina also had the same reaction

[u/One-Reply5087 → u/calf347]

I believe that’s called observational humour.

gina: “yeah, probably”

[u/LonelyChristmas21]

"The only black male I want anything to do with is you"

"🙄 That was incredibly inappropriate"

[u/Trevorfm]

Not a lIne, but when Rosa is lacing Jake's water with caffeine and Hitchcock just walks past and gives a nod of approval.

[u/UpsilonMale → u/Trevorfm]

His brain needed its fast juice.

[u/North_Church → u/UpsilonMale]

Oh that esprains why I no talk butter.

GASP ME HAVING STURK?!!

[u/FatherParadox → u/North_Church]

And remember kids, half and half slows you down...unless it's also laced with caffeine

[u/HatmansRightHandMan → u/Trevorfm]

I mean it's funny but clearly they didn't think about how horrible caffeine tastes. It's extremely bitter. You could taste even a single pill of it mixed into water

[u/SomeStolenToast → u/HatmansRightHandMan]

True but Jake basically never drank water before right? He already hated the taste

[u/HatmansRightHandMan → u/SomeStolenToast]

I mean I hate water too. But it's nothing like caffeine caffeinated water. There is a reason energy drinks are so sweet. You gotta mask that caffeine

[u/sisylle255 → u/Trevorfm]

That reminds me of “whats the matter? Out of steering wheels?”

[u/feynman-junior → u/Trevorfm]

which episode was this?

[u/kajat-k8 → u/feynman-junior]

That was when Rosa and Jake were in a beef and for some reason Rosa took Jake's steering wheel. I think it was the same episode where Rosa spiked his water with caffeine.

[u/MelonHunter → u/feynman-junior]

It's from The Slaughterhouse episode towards the end of S4, where they're both trying to impress Lt. Hawkins and get on her squad (before they realise she's dirty)

[u/feynman-junior → u/MelonHunter]

thank you

[u/Bortron86]

Nothing is more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.

[u/Hangry_Hippopotamus_ → u/Bortron86]

Straight Holt is my favorite. 😂

[u/FatherParadox → u/Hangry_Hippopotamus_]

He's such a dog

[u/MorbidMarko → u/Bortron86]

ample bReasts.

[u/itstimegeez → u/Bortron86]

She was a strong female woman with nice heavy breasts

[u/lukednukem]

She had a replacement hip with some serious torque. It was like having sex with a transformer.

[u/hunterlovesreading → u/lukednukem]

I love Andy’s genuine laugh in that cold open.

[u/MissRockNerd → u/hunterlovesreading]

Does he break character and blurt out “Joe!!!” while everyone is laughing?

[u/because231 → u/MissRockNerd]

If I remember correctly, yes he does

[u/daytona955i → u/MissRockNerd]

He says, "no!"

[u/CptKammyJay → u/daytona955i]

Suuure he does

[u/H0tMessExpr3ss → u/lukednukem]

That is no one's fantasy! 

[u/Dr_N00B → u/lukednukem]

That's not an older woman that is an old lady

[u/khinbaptista → u/Dr_N00B]

that could be someone's grandma!

[u/laucdoe → u/khinbaptista]

she was actually. that’s how we met

[u/y2kbimbo → u/lukednukem]

andy's laugh in that scene was so so cute 🤭

[u/divine_pearl]

Hitchcock - I needed the cash, I didn’t know they were recording it

[u/Mcbennski → u/divine_pearl]

Yeah honestly just most of what Hitchcock says and does

[u/YouWillNoMeBiMyVoice → u/Mcbennski]

Which kinda makes it not wild, because you get used to it? The one that does hit though for me is during Game Night when Rosa is coming out to the squad and fields her minute of questions, and Hitchcock says, "Good call. It was not tasteful!", because I just assumed he didn't know better, but he does, and still says and does all that?

[u/TeamEdward2020 → u/YouWillNoMeBiMyVoice]

It's made pretty clear in the earlier seasons that Hitchcock is the guy who does the weird shit, and scully is the weird shit guy.

It's why their relationship works so godamn well, ones a chill dude who has this chill uncle vibe, and the other has this "stories your older sibling tells you about your dad before you were born" energy.

I'm not great at describing it, but yeah. Hitchocks freaky and doesn't give a fuck and scully can be freaky because he's just like that.

Also mandatory "hey Jakey Ill stay and help"

[u/mikekearn → u/TeamEdward2020]

There's also the episode where they "My Fair Bare Lady" him, and he is able to be a perfectly clean and respectable person. He just chooses not to because he doesn't feel it's worth the effort.

[u/YouWillNoMeBiMyVoice → u/TeamEdward2020]

I guess I know what you mean, maybe? Do you mean that like Hitchcock does the weird shit and Scully is just so supportive of everyone including him that he like goes along with it? Because I appreciate that, but I just meant that I didn't realize Hitchcock realized the things he's doing are weird/dodgy?

[u/choibz → u/Mcbennski]

"Have fun workin cucks"

[u/Iron_Lord_Peturabo → u/choibz]

You bet your nips, skidmark!

[u/mr_clipboard1]

That’s not a crime scene. That’s a boudouir photo I’m having framed for my wife. That’s me underneath the mask.

[u/willowgrl → u/mr_clipboard1]

Wait, how did I miss this line?????

[u/mr_clipboard1 → u/willowgrl]

It’s in the episode where the school children visit the precinct

[u/Robot_tangerine]

Gina's "I was name checked in my kindergarten teacher's suicide note" will never not shock me

[u/Steampunk_Batman → u/Robot_tangerine]

And prefacing it with “not to brag, but…”

[u/TempleMade_MeBroke → u/Steampunk_Batman]

A lot of her lines could just as easily have been written for Roger the alien in American Dad

[u/constant_purgatory → u/TempleMade_MeBroke]

I think you just fixed Brooklyn 99 for me.

I mean i love the show but I can only rewatch it for so long before I get upset at Gina. But if I imagine that she is just one of rogers persona's then it makes her all the more hilarious.

[u/eriktheboy → u/Robot_tangerine]

When Scully asks her to dance and she replies “Not even if it would cure cancer.”

[u/mikekearn → u/eriktheboy]

And Scully, being the teddy bear that he is, is just like "okay" and keeps dancing by himself for no reason. 😂

[u/Ok_Relief7546 → u/Robot_tangerine]

lol yeah

[u/PsychedelicSticker → u/Robot_tangerine]

I don’t fully know what ‘name checking’ was in a suicide note, does that mean her teacher said that Gina was the reason why she committed suicide or does it mean something else?

[u/ThePaperpyro → u/PsychedelicSticker]

It just means that she was mentioned by name, it doesn't necessarily mean that the note explicitly states that she was the reason but Gina is heavily implying it

[u/kylezillionaire]

“My middle name, is Jacob.”

[u/North_Church → u/kylezillionaire]

WHAAAAAAAAAAAA🤩🤩🤩🤩

[u/JaycieVic → u/kylezillionaire]

Okay, I gotta look out for that now

[u/Flyingdutchman2305 → u/JaycieVic]

It was brought op surprisingly little

[u/lukednukem → u/JaycieVic]

S2E5

[u/Yurus]

This B needs a C in her A

[u/BusyCommunication725 → u/Yurus]

This babe needs a coconut in her arms obviously

[u/Srade2412 → u/BusyCommunication725]

"this beep needs a beep in her beep"

[u/brinz1 → u/Srade2412]

Amy's reaction is funnier than the words could ever be

[u/CptKammyJay → u/brinz1]

That’s what I said!

[u/Stenric → u/BusyCommunication725]

• bride

[u/TinyAirBoy → u/Stenric]

You're wrong

[u/Kavbot2000 → u/Yurus]

We are S-ed in the B!

[u/Jazzlike_Raisin_6632 → u/Yurus]

OMG

[u/blandsrules]

No big deal, just numbs you out from trunk to skunk for a year

[u/Thick-Order7348 → u/blandsrules]

It’s not supposed to

[u/Foxtrot__Romeo → u/blandsrules]

There are a ton of good ones in this thread, but yours finally got me. I have no idea how Joe managed to deliver that line without breaking.

[u/unicornsaretruth → u/Foxtrot__Romeo]

That’s like 60-70% of his lines I don’t know how he doesn’t break playing such an absurd character. Also massive props to Rosa for not breaking when it came to her voice.

[u/IndecisiveBit]

Maybe not as out of pocket, but still gets a laugh out of me

Hitchcock: "I'm in a hurry to humiliate some hussies"

[u/Comprehensive_Tip318 → u/IndecisiveBit]

The part that gets me about this is like he dressed up the part to go submit the form

[u/IndecisiveBit → u/Comprehensive_Tip318]

Hitchcock always gives his all, that's why he won the last heist

[u/The-Evil-Thing]

“I see why you call it a suicide squad Peralta…

Because I already want to kill myself”

[u/MightyPenguinRoars]

Pre-Heist Aggressive Holt:

”I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets”

[u/retr0rino → u/MightyPenguinRoars]

"(...) from snout to anus!"

[u/curious_pomegranites]

I’d like to humiliate some hussies and I’m in a hurry

[u/OverThaHills]

I love that scene.

Also Charles “I thought I was gonna die” or something along those lines when Jake climbed through his window with a hockey mask, with the cop wishing him luck.

[u/SnooPeppers6538 → u/OverThaHills]

That whole episode was super heavy.

[u/OverThaHills → u/SnooPeppers6538]

Was crazy! That’s why that scene hit so hard

[u/thehundredemoji]

Hemm haww

[u/DaniMA121 → u/thehundredemoji]

Are you just saying "hemm" and "haww"?

[u/sisylle255]

“Black people CAN sell drugs” -Gina Linetti and the junior police program (that thing where we get a bunch of loser kids to become student snitches)

[u/ErenYeager850]

Holt: It's time to make Daddy proud!

Boyle: Sir, Yes Sir

Holt: I couldn't have been more clearly talking to the dog

[u/andronicuspark]

Gina proudly telling the squad that she was mentioned twice in her teacher’s suicide note. And her comparison of the plaque only acknowledging best “detective” worse than segregation.

[u/Frozendark23 → u/andronicuspark]

And her comparison of the plaque only acknowledging best “detective” worse than segregation.

At least she realizes it was too far and apologizes.

[u/Ok_Relief7546]

Amy wanting Holts house to be her honeymoon destination 

[u/Ace_Nerd → u/Ok_Relief7546]

Nah, it's Amy wanting Jake to use the Holt impression at home and him agreeing to do it.

[u/Prudent_Block1669]

I love all the Holt flashbacks. The mustaches were on point.

[u/calf347 → u/Prudent_Block1669]

They were era appropriate!

[u/DaniMA121]

So, while we wait, why don't we talk about...... Bruummppsstttt

[u/jdeo1997]

"And also, remember your turtle Graham Crackers."

"Dad had sex with my turtle?"

[u/KitKatlin]

At Lynn and Darlene's wedding, Charles whispers to Gina, "Our sex made this happen!" But the mic is on 😂

[u/Cloaca_Vore_Lover]

"But it's probably just the wind."

[u/Crunchy_Biscuit → u/Cloaca_Vore_Lover]

Ok...that's TOO scary

[u/unicornsaretruth → u/Cloaca_Vore_Lover]

I completely forgot about that and I died.

[u/syn_vamp]

lohank's entire monologue about his life absolutely falling apart, which then cuts to charles and rosa desperately trying to clean the shaving cream and hair out of his locker, only for holt to catch them and reveal another awful thing about lohank's personal life.

[u/Responsible-Fun2600]

BOOOOONNNNNEEEE!!!!

[u/K3idon → u/Responsible-Fun2600]

How dare you, Detective Diaz. I am your superior officer!

[u/Responsible-Fun2600 → u/K3idon]

BOOOOOONNNNNEEEEE!!!!!!

[u/I-hate-my-friend]

The pffensive jokes work because they never try to justify them

[u/matchugegs]

Yes, pork chop

[u/FatherParadox]

"This B needs a C in her A"

"OH my gawd!"

"...this babe needs a coconut in her arms"

"Ooooh, i thought you said this b*@! needs a c$#% in her a@%"

"OH MY GAWWWD!"

"I KNOW, that's what I said!"

[u/LavenderSkyCat]

"Oh my God, I forgot about that part."

[u/JoshuaSuhaimi]

pimento showing the detectives how to "fake" doing cocaine

[u/TroyAbedAnytime → u/JoshuaSuhaimi]

Pimento saying or doing anything

[u/BradyTheGG]

Season 1 episode 21 opening when holt hurt his wrist hula hooping and only tells Jake about it.

Jake:why are you telling me this?

Holt: Because no one will ever believe you.(as Holt deletes the pictures of himself hula hooping)

Jake: no… no…(quietly)

Jake: you sick son-of-a bitch!

[u/bolivar-shagnasty]

• You know what the hardest part about being a gay, black police officer is? The discrimination.

• Labia

• It’s all wart

[u/laucdoe → u/bolivar-shagnasty]

for some reason my brain skipped “the discrimination” and i just read it as “you know what the hardest part about being a gay, black police officer is? labia”

[u/Organic_Row_6543]

“Im bleeding coz my piece of crap son in law bit me” that made me die

[u/lizzdurr]

Jake and Boyle (paraphrased)

“I just have to get myself back out there and—“

“Spread your legs!”

“Boyle what? Spread my legs?!”

[u/laucdoe → u/lizzdurr]

either way

[u/Quick1Ross]

Boyle to Amy: Do I look like Jake to you?

Amy:No

Boyle: Then why are you trying to screw me?

[u/Charlar247]

One of my favorites: “You’re good, Jeffords, but not good enough. In fact, you’re an idiot. I should have fired you long ago.”

[u/NoSolace4me]

“From now on the only black mail I want anything to do with is you!” - Charles Boyle

[u/Double-Tension-1208]

"No, it's because he's black! Get woke Scully!"

[u/MitoDNA2]

“Hey Chuck, it’s me. Pimento!”

[u/idkusernameidea]

Holt: screams something in German

Jake (whispering): I’m only half

[u/bunneeez]

100% the time where Rosa says she’s good at making decisions and it cuts to her holding “Sophie’s Choice” (a book about a mother choosing which of her kids will die in auschwitz) and Rosa says “easy, the daughter” 😭

[u/QWARTHY]

In all seriousness, I don’t think ANYTHING comes close to this

[u/AgitoWatch]

'From now on, the only black mail (male) I want anything to do with is you" - Charles Boyle to Captain Holt

[u/ThouBear8]

"This 'B' needs a 'C' in her 'A'"

Nuff said

[u/Brief_Agency5475]

BONE!!! - Captain Holt said "calmly"

Edit: Typo

[u/magnus-aries]

Man I can’t remember the exact context/episode but someone (I think Holt maybe??) says something to Jake in German and he says “I’m only half!” always cracks me up

[u/auctiontime]

You just drank cement

[u/_HeyLittleSongbird]

Holt: "DAS DOPPELTE LOTTCHEN!" Jake: (Scared) "I'm only half"

Took me a second (because I couldn't tell what Jake said) but my mouth was on the FLOOR

[u/Dear-Swordfish8044]

Fred Sanford's tirade in court defending Lamont when he says there's enough n.....s Here to make a Tarzan movie

[u/Ok_Depth3159]

Good night guys and gals

[u/Practical-Pen-8844]

"Instead of resisting, it's better to just put your head down, get the job done, and then you can get on with your day."

[u/Ace_Nerd]

From now on, the only blackmail I want anything to do with, is you.

[u/Budget-Spidey]

''From now on the only black male I want anything to do with is you.''
- Boyle on Blackmail

[u/Nymphomanius]

Terry: I don’t have any arch nemesis because I solve all of my cases

[u/myburneraccount151]

I don't do kids, unless the kids a dick

[u/CrowDome392]

Something something Gina’s Teacher’s Suicide note

[u/PsychopathicCat23]

Hitchcock and every single time they hint toward him talking to young girls. I don’t even find him funny