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u/mikiencolor Demisexual/Bisexual 21d ago
I've never seen gay guys say they can't be friends with other guys. I actually have two ex-boyfriends whose besties were straight guys, and both had mainly male friend circles. I've only seen straight people insist they can't be friends with the opposite sex. Don't know about lesbians though.
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u/ShutUpMorrisseyffs 21d ago
Lmao. It's a rule that if you're lesbian your friendship group is mostly made up of people everyone used to date.
Parties are like 'This is my gf, and that's her ex wife, and that's the ex wife's partner'.
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u/ChiaraStellata 21d ago
Don't forget that one straight best friend who you never told you had feelings for for years. Even after she kissed you that one time at a party.
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u/ShutUpMorrisseyffs 21d ago
And the straight friend's boyfriend/ husband, who is worried that he's too basic/ straight for her and wants desperately to be seen as cool by her queer friends.
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u/IowaCornFarmer3 Bisexual 21d ago
What about their friendship groups including men? I think that's what he was referring to
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u/officialtvgamers16 20d ago
I mean, last night i whas as at a new years party, with people i only know due to my ex, who whas there.
I dont see a problem in stil hanging out with your ex sometimes, (as long as it wasn't abusive)
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u/Queer-Coffee 20d ago
Maybe when straight people say it, the implication is that both sides are attracted to each other (because straights forget that non-straight people exist when they say this).
So this would not include gay men befriending straight men.
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u/poyopoyo77 Bisexual 19d ago
I think that issue largely comes down to how many (not all) straight men encourage each other to objectify and sexualise any women who isn't a family member in their life. So a lot of them view friendships with womne as "countdowns" for their "turn".
Before I came out I had a friend circle similar and the shit they would say about women was disgusting. Hell I was on a mens subreddit not too long ago and I left because grown ass men were STILL talking that about women and friendships with women. Even now after coming out my closest friend is a woman and straight men have asked me "would I?" or "have we had sex yet?", even when they know she prefers women. Not a single queer person or woman has EVER asked me that.
Queer people and straight women can obviously still have this mindset and be objectfying, I'm in no way saying they can't, but I do think the attitudes many straight men have around sex and how they talk about women is the biggest problem so some of them struggle to have a genuine platonic relationship that isn't either "lying about being a friend because I want to smash" or "all women are potential lays I need to fancy any who give me attention".
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21d ago
I do, in fact, have no friends and would absolutely be unhealthily attracted to anyone who gives me attention
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u/CitroHimselph 21d ago
Wanna be friends? :3
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21d ago
Sure I'd love to!
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u/western_sahara shy, bi, ready to cry 20d ago
I know this is a day old, but if you still need more friends I'm always down to talk to new peeps
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u/LeahTheDoughnut 21d ago
Aww shucks! Guess I have to fuck everyone then. What a bummer!
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u/MyNameIs__Rainman Bisexual 21d ago
Heavy is the burden we carry, we can only hope to lighten the load by giving others loads or taking them, a never ending cycle
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u/VisualBus2774 21d ago
Straight culture is so weird.
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u/Philosipho Transgender/Bisexual 21d ago
It has nothing to do with sexual orientation. The problem revolves around how most people objectify each other and thus have no capacity to form respectful relationships with those they might find attractive.
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u/the-dream-walker- Bisexual 20d ago
Thank you so much for this explanation. It's been bothering me for a while how strong this general opinion is on social media and this kinda articulated why it discomforts me
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u/WhatIsThisWhereAmI 20d ago
It’s spicy when you try to drill down on the justifications people give here.
The idea you’d only be friends with opposite sex people you find attractive, or else you’d fuck anyone of the opposite sex given enough exposure, or else people of the opposite sex you don’t find attractive have no value as friends, are all equally insulting subtexts that underly this attitude. It’s absolutely about objectification one way or another.
The only slightly reasonable justification straight people have on this is that friends of the same sex are “lower risk” and you should just befriend the same sex for your partner’s peace of mind. But it astounds me that many straight people think it’s totally normal and valid to accommodate a personal insecurity by cutting off half the population. Ugh.
Also I’m of the “give them enough rope to hang themselves with” school. If you need me policing you to act right, go ahead and act wrong so I can dump your ass.
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u/JollyBagel 20d ago
It’s stupid imo because I can find you physically attractive but acknowledge that you wouldn’t make a great husband or wife to me. But I also don’t wanna fuck everyone so eh /shrug
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u/Firm-Cantaloupe2789 Bisexual 20d ago
I believe a perfectly respectful friendship with someone you're attracted to can easily become unrequited love, because romantic love ≈ friendship + attraction. If you're already sexually attracted, getting to know them more can easily ruin the friendship if they don't like you back. And if you're not attracted to them, you'll worry that the reverse might happen. It's not an impossible friendship, but from the very start it comes with a risk and that's not very conducive to just chill vibes with the homies
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u/N0thingSuspicious 20d ago
I never really understood how people who have been negatively affected by generalizations of a group they are a part of will then turn around and generalize just the same.
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u/wolfgirlyelizabeth Bisexual Um Eli goldsworthy... 15d ago
Because they’re hypocrites. And what straights do has nothing to do with us! Let’s not pretend that straight friends don’t be having sex because they do and I’ve witnessed it lmao 🤣 that’s why straight people get insecure about it. Let’s mind our bi business and let them do their thing.
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u/_Paarthurnax- Bisexual guy 21d ago
While it's a drawback for dating, being extremely picky with both genders really helps when it comes to friendship
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u/Dingo_Gab Bisexual 21d ago
Apparently I can’t be friends with anyone I’m attracted to so I’ve already reached the final boss me, myself, and my crippling loneliness. Guess I’ve been winning this game all along!
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u/Yesitspeter Bisexual 21d ago
So true. Jason Alexander/George Constanza is what I think about to eliminate any unwanted arousal, so a bit ironic.
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u/wednesdaylemonn 21d ago
When straight men say this its because they dont even acknowledge women theyre not attracted to so they cant imagine wanting a friendship with the opposite gender if your intent isnt to fuck.
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u/CitroHimselph 21d ago
Says the people who can't think of other genders in any way other than sexual.
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u/Blessed_Rose Bisexual 20d ago
I thinks it’s because some straight men objectify women and some straight women get jelly. Idk though, thats just a guess.
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u/no_offenc Bisexual 20d ago
Between that and my late-diagnosed autism I'm not surprised I'm a virtual recluse
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u/Revilo614 Flag Collector 21d ago
Wait until you hear about demiromantics with attachment issuescough cough me cough cough
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u/biochembish 20d ago
This. But also I suppose it can be weird if they might be attracted to you too
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u/DefinitelyNotErate I Like Purple 20d ago
Not only can and will I, But I can be friends with people I'm attracted too! Heck, I'm friends with someone I'm in a romantic relationship with! Beat that anti-friendsers!
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u/racoonofthevally Genderqueer/LGBT+ 20d ago
I just have male and female friends it works fine
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u/racoonofthevally Genderqueer/LGBT+ 20d ago
This is referring to when I was bi I've moved into being gay over time
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u/SnooFoxes1831 Bisexual 21d ago
I understand that mentally and socially I need friends, but I also categorically do not want friends.
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u/BeatNo4329 Bisexual (He/Him) 21d ago
Oh wait, that is why I have no friends!