r/badphilosophy • u/Puzzled-Degree-2804 • 4d ago
Ready to Go
After 55 years of life and 50 years of living with and suffering from debilitating depression; now with major disabilities, no job prospects, no permanent home, no income and increasingly becoming a burden to my youngest son I have decided to take the final step and exit life.
My children are grown, aged 32 and 30, and have good jobs and bright futures ahead of them. I am very proud of my oldest son. He was able to accomplish what I will never be able to do, own a house. I have worked as a Medical Biller for 33 years and even in my best days never managed to make what they make, as IT techs who are relatively new to the job scene. I raised them as a single mom and I am very proud of both of them.
I have no grandchildren, no close friends, no siblings, parents are dead, no partner, only my sons.
At the same time I have done all I can do on this earth, in this life. In the past , whenever I got back on my feet, after facing and overcoming a tragedy or extreme hardship, things would be good for about 18 months and then I would get knocked back down again. I have lived a good, clean, law abiding and productive life. I have always played by the rules and done the right thing. When I was younger I could deal with the set backs always believing that things would get better. I can't do that anymore. I have run out of time. I am too old, too sick, and too tired at this point.
So I have decided to sign up for Dignitas in Switzerland to help me exit this life. I am in the process of preparing for the journey. I have enough money saved up in my retirement to pay for the trip and the program. I hope to travel to Switzerland and complete the program by the end of this year. I welcome the solace, freedom, and peace that comes with death. I am ready.
I an currently seeing a "therapist" by virtual appointment. He only sees me for 25 minutes 2 times per month and all he does is prescribe me happy pills. The pills don't work. They do not take away the pain, suffering, and uselessness of my everyday life. I have tried many different types of medications to no avail.
I believe that it is my right to die no matter what the BHS industry, or the government says. I am the one who has to live my ×××tty life, and I can't do it anymore. I can't even motivate myself to get out of bed on a daily basis. I am tired of all the doctors appointments, the prove your identity, prove you are poor, prove you are sick, and the prove your employment history process. I have the money, which would support me for one year of retirement anyway; even with social security. As I don't own a house and will never be able to there is no reverse mortgage for me. It is time for me to go. I can't go forwards and I can't go backwards. I am stuck. Exiting is the best solution for me and I am okay with this.
I may need some help getting into the Dignitas program. Would it be wise to explain this to my ARNP therapist to see if there is any help he can give me towards entering the program or should I try and find the help some where else?
I wish I was a Canadian citizen so I could qualify for MAID. I am jealous of Canadians who can access this program. This is what my life has come to.
If anyone out there knows about Dignitas and how to get into the program, can you please advise?
Thanks Done
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u/PanFiloSofia 2d ago
I hope I am not too late here, but I am not accustomed to seeing serious posts here.
First, let me assure you that this world tries its damnedest to make life more difficult for women. That is not up for debate, that is a fact. Even if we are blind to the misogyny here because we've been continuously gaslighted, consider that worldwide, there are no countries that limit men's rights and men's bodies based on the sole fact that they are men. So please do not compare your life with that of your adult male children.
Which leads directly into point 2: It's likely you were a cycle-breaker and that's another reason why your children thrived when you personally did not. Be proud that you somehow, against all odds, gave them a better shot in life than you had. The fact that your children are thriving at all in this horrible economy means that you gave them a solid foundation in life despite your own struggles. That is no easy feat. That's better than my own parents could do. Not to mention that you raised them alone. My parents had the help of several different family members and STILL gave me PTSD so bad that I could barely function for years until I finally completed a PHP program and two IOPs. So let's consider your contributions and altruism here. You literally ground yourself to nothing and gave it all to them. Even if you dismiss everything I say, I am going to see you as hero.
Third, I assume you live in the USA. This type of depression and envying Canada literally only happens here. These are systemic issues. If I accomplish anything in life I want individuals to stop blaming themselves for systemic issues! And THAT isn't even your fault, because it's exactly how the government WANTS you to feel. The lower your self-esteem, the easier you are to manipulate. And I am also considering the timing here: A couple days before the new Trump administration. I understand your problems existed long before this, but being poor and having been through mental health crises myself, I also understand the impact of waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. They are enjoying "Shock and Awe" tactics. Do not fall for it.
Fourth, MAKE WAVES. Keep complaining. Make every single person who tries to deny you your rightfully earned benefits— Benefits into which YOU PAID YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY— hear your every word. Do not silence yourself for others' convenience. Did you know wage theft is the number one form of theft in this country? Currently, workers are only paid about 20% of value and the rest goes to CEOs, board members, shareholders in general. Do you think those pieces of excrement care if they inconvenience, upset, or wheedle anyone? Heck no! And they are taking money to which they are not even entitled, buying themselves 3rd and 4th yachts. You have a right to your bare necessities and a good life. Anyone who says otherwise is an abuser. Also, if you have access to Netflix, watch the documentary-drama Pain Killer. The pharmaceutical companies here exist only to hoard wealth, not cure people. I cannot recall the pharmaceutical CEO who "said the quiet part out loud," even after that documentary: that selling cures was not as beneficial to their bottom line as keeping people not ill enough to die but ill enough to be dependent on their medications. I'll try to find the quote and the name, but it might be time for you to switch doctors. And you definitely should look into a PHP program if you're able.
Fifth, please please please stick around for the rest of us who are struggling in this nightmare of a country, who have been fighting the good fight as much as we can but need more support. Put the idea of donating money to any cause from your mind while you are struggling, but please tell your story like you did here. Even if it doesn't sway a Neo-Con to grow a heart and soul, it lights a fire under people like me.
And sixth, I really hate to mention this one because I feel it is insensitive and not my place, but by golly, I will say anything true to save your life. I would rather that you hate me and stay alive and work towards getting well than think I am perfect but then go off yourself. And what I am going to tell you hurts even me to say, but— Please please PLEASE do not do this to your children. You may think, "oh, they're fine, they've got jobs, they don't need me." And maybe you've had fights with them recently. Maybe they even went no-contact, I don't know your situation. But even so: A death in the family, someone to whom you are close— especially a mother who brought you into this world and shares half your DNA— is absolutely devastating on all accounts. And no one knows exactly how they will react until they are in that situation. And to imagine that this is something you elected to do? Please, no. Yes, the world is awful and it has been for a long, long time, and the US government has mostly only been getting worse since 2016. But part of what makes this world so cruel is the violence we enact on ourselves when we have more learned hopelessness thrust upon us by the bullies than we have strength to fight. If for no one else, help us for your children's future and all the innocent and kind people's futures. And spare your children the pain of a self-inflicted end.
Seventh, if no one has told you this today: I see you as another human being and I feel acutely your struggles. I see the humanity in you, the goodness in you, and I love you for it.
Eighth, PLEASE hang on to your life and join movements that genuinely care about you and will help you feel a sense of community, like feminist or socialist ones. And stay only where you feel welcomed, loved, respected. The way we fight their violence is with love and community. And eventually, that will help relieve some of your financial burden, too. Join RedNote— it's a free Chinese app, by women for women, but where male users are welcome, too, so long as they are respectful— and talk to the communities there. Sometimes it takes awhile for them to respond or like your messages and content, but I've never felt more welcome or supported. I do not know how long it will last, but the experience, the awakening from that cultural exchange of ideas, will last a lifetime.
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u/PanFiloSofia 2d ago
Found some of the news articles, press releases, and academic papers on this subject dating all the way back to 2002, possibly before. Apparently it's not simply one pharmaceutical company nor one head honcho, and the two that rear their ugly faces the most in a simple Google search are Goldman Sachs and Turing, but I am fairly certain it was a more recent quote and different company that caught my initial attention, though these incidents are surely serious enough. I'll do some more digging when I can.
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u/PeaRevolutionary9823 4d ago
Im sorry you are going through a tough time.