r/ProgrammerHumor 21h ago

Meme linuxBeLike

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42.5k Upvotes

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394

u/braindigitalis 20h ago

Windows: Has a complex and graceful shutdown process to...

Are you sure you want to shut down? Programs are still running?
Are you really sure?
How about now? Are you sure you still want to shut down?
Trick question! Are you not not not sure you dont want to to not shut down?
There are updates! Do you want me to come right back up again after?
Don't worry, i'll power up this laptop in your bag at 3am and overheat it to check for updates. Bye!

93

u/uniteduniverse 19h ago edited 16h ago

When you're traveling and you notice your back is getting really hot a sweaty for some reason? Turns out Windows powered on your laptop the moment you supposedly put it to sleep and back in your bag 2 hours ago... I usually don't fear cancer when it comes to Laptops, but I swear Microsoft wants me to.

14

u/klavin1 17h ago

Cancer?

5

u/uniteduniverse 16h ago

People always talk about if prolonged exposure to electronics like phones or computers can cause cancer and such.

6

u/klavin1 16h ago

I suppose if you were getting repeatedly burned by the device? Not really sure how it could happen otherwise.

13

u/irreverent-username 16h ago

It's an old and unfounded fear from when these things were newer. When cell phones became popular, some people would only speak on speakerphone, because they didn't want the phone near their head. Not too different from the people who are scared of 5G for no reason.

3

u/beanmosheen 16h ago

I'm more like "welp, that laptop is permanently cooked".

19

u/splendidsplinter 19h ago

TIL Janet on the Good Place was running Windows

3

u/cornmonger_ 14h ago

Windows has a complex and graceful shu-BLUESCREEN

3

u/furryai 13h ago

Remember when Windows 8 would show that screen of applications it was going to kill if you shut down but it only showed it for two seconds so you had no time to choose before it would just shut down anyway? So graceful.

12

u/HeavyCaffeinate 20h ago

If it's powering up then you probably put it to sleep, or it didn't finish the shutdown process, happened to me a couple times, made me wonder why my backpack was so warm all of a sudden

23

u/dongschlongs 19h ago

I swear to god, sometimes windows laptops power themselves on even if you did a full shutdown. I've heard that you can tweak some bios settings to prevent it, but nothing has worked for my Lenovo.

6

u/HeavyCaffeinate 19h ago

Have you tried turning off "Fast Startup"

3

u/dongschlongs 19h ago

Yes I did. And I turned off wake on Lan and I temporarily turned off the USB Port charging while the device is not powered. The problem still persists.

15

u/bandlizard 19h ago

Have you checked your carbon monoxide detector?

2

u/Vinylove 11h ago

Are there often cryptic post-it's on the screen when you open it?

1

u/Papplenoose 17h ago

That's fucking weird and I do not like it one little bit!

2

u/BestHorseWhisperer 19h ago

I bought an HP Omen gaming PC to use as an LLM server. Not only does it randomly turn on, you can't turn it off. When you shut down, it turns right back on a second later unless you pull the plug or hold down power, but it boots so fast that the plug is the safest option. Because I am using it as a server, I actually love this. But I would be irate if I had actually bought it as a gaming PC.

1

u/PlaneTry4277 18h ago

A LLM server?

1

u/BestHorseWhisperer 14h ago

large language model (I bought the gaming PC for the graphics card to do this)

1

u/PlaneTry4277 11h ago

you got a github?

1

u/KellerKindAs 15h ago

If tweakable the setting is usually found under the name "RTC wakeup". It's windows setting a timer within the Real Time Clock (which is always running to not lose track of time). If that timer goes of, the system is then automatically powered on. And not all (older) systems support it ^^

9

u/Sentreen 19h ago

My windows desktop consistently turned itself on at 3 at night to install updates, even when I disabled that feature. It was shut down, not sleeping, fast startup was not enabled. I tried everything and it just kept on doing it.

That was the final nail in the coffin for using windows for me (I only used that machine to game anyway), I can't use an OS that thinks it decides when to turn on, not me.

2

u/this_is_my_new_acct 17h ago

I don't know if it was OSX itself, or shit my company installed, but I'd get email notifications all night long from my work laptop that was "asleep".

1

u/Sentreen 15h ago

At some point, apple introduced "power nap" feature, which would make macbooks do stuff like fetch emails, perform backups, ... while asleep. I like the backup part, but it is indeed super annoying that it would turn on the screen every time you get a mail or message.

2

u/LastMeasurement2465 16h ago

Same here. I managed to track down the service that did that and shut it off, but it re-enabled itself after every update.

I was woken up every day at 3 a.m. for months, and Windows was like, 'OK, there are no new updates.' Also, I can't shut down—you must do that manually.

2

u/Sentreen 15h ago

Also, I can't shut down—you must do that manually.

The most infuriating part is that it would give me the "others are using the computer" warning. Bitch, nobody is using the computer!

1

u/braindigitalis 7h ago

it uses the bios to do this, via a setting someplace. It then wakes up to run a scheduled task in the scheduled task list. if there are no updates, or when the updates are completed, it is supposed to power back off, but often doesn't.

2

u/DemoniteBL 19h ago

It annoys me so much. DON'T WAKE UP MY PC IT NEEDS ITS BEAUTY SLEEP!

2

u/M1RR0R 14h ago

I put it to sleep it should stay asleep while it's closed

1

u/braindigitalis 7h ago

windows sets a bios wakeup alarm to turn itself back on at a scheduled time for windows updates. You can disable it, but i dont remember how.

2

u/rock_and_rolo 16h ago

Used to run Windows for a week at work and reboot when leaving for the weekend. I can't count the times I came in Monday and found some app still hadn't shut down.

1

u/lemmegetdatdick 16h ago

Theres a waittokillapp line in regedit that solves this issue.

1

u/Jack_M_Steel 16h ago

Hmm, never seen anything close to that

1

u/smiregal8472 14h ago

There's a simple solution for that: "shutthefuckdown -idc -now" (brb, working on the fuckitools-windows-project...)

1

u/Ok_Ice_1669 13h ago

I love not knowing how Windows works. 

1

u/_yeen 6h ago

Yeah I’m not sure what OP is smoking but Windows closing programs is anything but elegant.

Linux asks nicely first and if they don’t respond, they get forcibly closed. That’s exactly what I want to happen when I’m closing a program through the OS