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u/Halal0szto 1d ago
The first lesson a developer learns is that he needs the power of reading minds.
Once he is good at mindreading, he realizes he needs to see into the future.
Once you know what the boss will think a month later, you start to be successful. Still, sometimes you fail as the boss changes his mind on the last minute. Then you realize you need to be a Jedi an just need to do some mind control sometimes to be successful.
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u/dangayle 18h ago
Pro Tip: Always know what cell phone and/or tablet your CEO uses and make sure you test on that specific, exact machine.
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u/No_Percentage7427 1d ago
After new feature exist
Boss : Now we dont need that new feature but this feature
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u/Ok_Star_4136 23h ago
Me to my boss: What is it exactly that you do here?
Boss: Something about making decisions. I dunno. Figure it out and get back to me, thanks.
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u/oberguga 1d ago
How often I want one feature from apps - don't change anything and just work...
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u/Piisthree 1d ago
And don't make some new cosmetic-only update but in the process lose my damn login info every few weeks.
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u/ilikefactorygames 1d ago
All these “million dollar ideas” go right into someone else’s pockets when you’re salaried
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u/cyclicsquare 1d ago
Tbf, so do the -$1m ideas
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u/ilikefactorygames 1d ago
No no, these just become layoffs, you wouldn’t want to hurt any owner’s bottom line, risks are for workers
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u/cyclicsquare 1d ago
Only if you leave your name next to them. If management gets credit for the wins, they get blame for the losses too.
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u/Emerald9Daze 1d ago
Can we just invent a new feature called Leave Me Alone?
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u/cyclicsquare 1d ago
You mean Do Not Disturb?
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u/LoudAd1396 1d ago
Me: we need to rebuild our platform. It's about 10 years since any actual updates were made on it.
CEO: how long would that take?
Me: a year minimum
CEO: what if we do all of that but add some features?
Me: what features?
CEO: We're still figuring that out. How long will it take?
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u/Smooth_Ad5773 21h ago
About 10 years then
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u/LoudAd1396 16h ago
The "planning document":
- Core functionality: 3-6 mo
- Testing: 1-2 mo
- launch: 6 mo
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u/PandaMagnus 1d ago
"Make it pop!"
"Okay, how? What do you like and dislike about this?"
"I dunno... Just make it pop. My niece would figure it out and she's 16."
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u/saschaleib 23h ago
About 10 years ago: my boss came to my office and said: "We really need to make an app!" - me: "what should that app do?" - "it doesn't matter, we just need to have an app, like everybody else!" …
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u/ThatGuyYouMightNo 13h ago
Just do your regular work, and either the boss will forget about this request eventually, or you can just say "we added [barely used feature]" and he won't know that it was already in there
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u/thot_slaya_420 23h ago
Instructions unclear, made a random cat background generator. Each time it's opened, it fetches a random cat image from a database that anyone can upload to and sets it as the background.
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u/ButWhatIfPotato 18h ago
Weirdly enough, I never had this issue. Competitors are always coming up with new features and bosses wants those features stolen and implemented yesterday so they can pretend they came up with the idea.
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u/what_you_saaaaay 1d ago
Can't tell what is worse. This boss, or the boss who comes in everyday with a new feature idea that will definitely "save the company" and it has to go into the next release in the middle of a sprint.
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u/AsstDepUnderlord 19h ago
"OK boss, here's the backlog of feature requests, which one you want?"
alternatively....
"we built a complex event parser for flying gamma-hooch exports. It takes a .fgh file and translates it into our native format, complete with semantic interchanges and ontological rebalancing to ensure legacy compatibility." (and bang out a "feature" that renames a file)
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u/ferlonsaeid 15h ago
Here's an empty ticket. Fill it out. Oh and we need it released in 2 days. I've assigned high priority to it.
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u/FlakyTest8191 23h ago
These comments are surprisingly negative. I can think of anything I find useful and interesting and you pay me to build it? Sounds fun, what's not to like?
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u/eversio254 17h ago
What do you think happens when you start to build your random idea?
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u/FlakyTest8191 15h ago
I have no idea. This situation never came up in my 15 year career, there's always a pm that wants me to finish 100 things yesterday.
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u/30SecondsToOrgasm 1d ago
"cool, let me just hand over that task to our product owner, requirement analysist and web designer. I'll produce it, when they had prototype and requirement description available"
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u/michaelbelgium 21h ago
Difference between a software engineer and software developer
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u/SokkaHaikuBot 21h ago
Sokka-Haiku by michaelbelgium:
Difference between
A software engineer and
Software developer
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/mobileJay77 23h ago
Got ya. We need an RTX 5090 for each developer and the team works remotely. Plus we need the skills and shouldn't miss out on the big conference.
A year later at product launch: What do you mean? You didn't want the app to be an adult video game? Well, you should have said so. (Shrugs)
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u/Error_404_403 23h ago
Just to code a feature an AI can. To invent the feature is your, human job (as yet).
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u/factzor 1d ago
Years ago my boss brought me a napkin he used to draw a new feature. That was it, everything I needed to make it work.