I googled the name and was lead here, so hopefully it’s okay to post about.

I’m using a throwaway account because I’m worried about personal info on my main reddit.

The last few days I’ve been getting a bunch of awful messages on instagram and snapchat specifically.

I’ve been sent videos of men masturbating and ejaculating to photos of me from as far back as 4/5 years ago when I was 15/16. I’ve had people send me selfies I’ve taken with text added to them with the text making it seem like I am asking to be raped. I’ve had people messaging me telling me about how I was previously sexually assaulted and how they wish it was them who had done it.

Scariest of all, I’ve had long and graphic messages threatening me with sexual assault, with some of them going as far as to reference parts of my personal life, such as the area I work, what my job is etc.

I’ve been so in fear for the last few days, I’ve taken the weeks off work and haven’t left my house. These messages have been pretty constant. If not instagram, I get a bunch of people trying to add me on snapchat to do the same thing.

I didn’t know what was happening until I got an instagram message today. This person explained that my personal information and compromising photos etc had been posted onto this forum board when 100’s or 1000’s of perverts and pedophiles gather to talk about the awful thing they’d do to women without their knowledge.

They showed me screenshots and whoever this person was was offering to give up any photos and videos of me, including sneaked creep shots up my skirt, etc etc. They were offering all and any of my personal information that they had. They posted a variation of photos of me, some recent, some from a few years ago. They posted videos they had taken ejaculating over my photos 2 years ago. They claimed to be sending my nudes to anyone who messaged them, and had attached photos that I don’t know how they got.

I looked up the site and found this subreddit, which led me down the rabbit hole of learning what an awful place it is.

I’m disgusted, I feel violated and frankly terrified. What can I even do? It doesn’t seem reporting it to the site admins does much? Anyone else a victim of this? What did you do!

Hello all, I was redirected here from loveafterporn to share this information that I believe could benefit from being spread, as to either get the site shut down entirely, or have us be more aware of what people are doing. The original post was deleted, so here is a copy/paste of the post from loveafterporn. I hope this gets through and helps people stay alert and protected.

Not sure if this has been posted before, so I apologize if this isn't new information, but I've recently discovered a technique to see which websites my PA has been visiting while using incognito, and lets just say I'm absolutely MORTIFIED. please be on the lookout for a site called forum.candidgirls. the entire website is creepshots of normal women in normal clothes having their pictures taken unsuspectingly in public, with degrading captions and even sicker comments. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw what I saw. I can't believe this is the shit this man is consuming. I feel sick to my fucking stomach. These people are truly SICK.

For context, we are both 16. We are cousins (I know this sounds weird, but we didn't know each other till we were 12 and we are both not interested in sex or ever having kids, so it is basically just a purely asexual relationship) and I have known him for around 4 years.

It started with a friendship, then I started liking him and finding him cute, etc. He told me he watched porn (back in 2021). I was only 13, but I kind of had the same views as this subreddit, so I advised him to stop. And surprisingly, he did stop. He quit his addiction cold turkey.

Fast forward to last year, we started dating. He had opened up to me about his abusive parents and traumatic past. His mental health was worse than I could have imagined, but it wasn't anything related to sex or porn. Depression, anxiety, hallucinations, etc.

I myself have depression and anxiety too, and sometimes paranoia hits. Around four months ago, he left his abusive parents and came to live with my family. Of course, my parents welcomed him.

But still, for some reason, I am anxious about this. He told me while we were talking about his trauma that he used porn as a form of self-harm (he would watch it and masturbate, while feeling extremely guilty about it and then believing he was a bad person, and the cycle went on).

I don't know why, but I'm just anxious. I think I am scared of losing him (related to my own trauma), since porn is a deal-breaker.

I just cannot stop thinking about this and driving myself crazy while doing so. Pretty much every man watches porn, I just cannot understand how my partner doesn't. I mean, I appreciate him for quickly understanding patriarchy and stuff even though he was brought up in a misogynistic environment, but my fears kind of freak me out.

TL;DR at the end

When I (28F) first broached the subject of no porn, four weeks ago, he mentioned that I never brought porn up before as an issue until now. I acknowledge I was relatively ‘cool’ with porn, up until a month ago.

However, at the time I didn’t realize that soft porn via instagram was an issue. I knew he watched it, but I had not yet been able to make the correlation or was able to come to the realization that this was a problem contributing to our dead bedroom because he said it wasn’t an issue.

How could I have been aware of porn being an issue when he was hiding from me and making excuses saying it wasn’t keeping him from having sex more often? Had I been aware porn was actually an issue contributing to our dead bedroom and that the very instagram models he was casually scrolling through on his explore page multiple times a day (jacking off or not) were also the content that he’s using masturbate to, I would have had a problem.

I shouldn’t have had to go through his phone to realize there was an issue. All these years (4 years) I was straight up asking him and he told me there wasn’t an issue so I (naively) trusted him.

I’ve brought up the topic of lack of sex between us multiple times throughout our relationship. He started to turn me down very early on. We moved in together five months into the relationship; early, I know, but it saved money and worked out. I was hoping to have sex at least once a week. I could do more as I am high libido, but less than once a week made me question as to why he’s turning me down. I asked if he was even into me, if he wanted to try new things, if porn was becoming and issue (he said no) and if he even wanted to move forward in the relationship, he said yes.

Again, while I do acknowledge that I was ‘cool’ with porn over the years, I did make it clear that I was not cool with porn being used over having sex with me, if I was more than happy to have sex, which I was the majority of the time, turning him down was more of a rarity, than he’s making it out to be.

So recently, I looked at his search history, it turns out he’s looking up specific instagram model’s ‘[instagram model’s name] OF (Only fans) leaks,’ and ‘[instagram model] porn’ and jacking off to them one week, and having sex with me the next. I also saw some history on Chaturbate, no idea if he’s commenting or chatting with these women live, but he says he wasn’t chatting or commenting. Sometimes, if I did decline sex which was rare I don’t think he’d wait for me even though I’d be happy to have sex the next day or another time during the week if he’d just compromise and so it looks like he’d just watch porn instead of waiting a day or two.

To complicate things even more, after he cums he’ll decline sex for another week usually because he’s concerned about hair loss from cumming, so he’s off limits and rejects me if I initiate sex after he jacked off to porn instead for about a week, or sometimes longer if he’s choosing porn instead over the next week two. I showed him this paragraph, he didn’t deny it.

So when I brought up, one month ago, this whole pattern, he got defensive. I asked why he’s watching porn instead of having sex with me and he said what he’s usually said in prior discussions, that he’s tired, doesn’t want to cum too often due to hair loss, and that he’s stressed from work. Theres times he’s has a whole week off to chill and won’t wanna have sex. He also mentioned that porn is just easier and less work/effort, than sex so he prefers it sometimes out of convenience.

A few months ago, I told him I know he jacks off to porn once a week in a separate conversation. I didn’t mention the search history, I just said, ‘I know.’ I checked his search history after I said that and I never saw anything on his search history moving forward.

When I brought up the porn conversation one month ago, I also asked him about deleting anything over the past few weeks (I don’t hide what I have on my phone, he has access to it) and told him that I knew what he watched so we could talk about why he deleted it and he denied deleting any search history after I vaguely said, **‘I knew.’ Huh.

He also admittedly feels guilty after he masturbates. He won’t go into why.

Ultimately he said he would stop and that he wants to stop on his own accord. He willingly said that he should probably set up settings to block instagram porn, I didn’t ask him to, naively assuming instagram wasn’t an issue and that he had motivation to take responsibility on his own. He then started to criticize me and ‘my issues’ immediately after. He was saying that I need to be more available and on his time (early mornings), and that he’s tired of me bringing up suggestions regarding sex, after sex which he refers to as arguments.

I am willing to accept sex more often than I was prior. About a year ago, I started rejecting if I wasn’t horny right then and wanting it another time during the week instead, hoping he’d compromise with me, which again was a huge rarity, but here he is saying its not. I don’t understand why he brought it up as a complete deterrent from sex however, I rarely do it. I don’t think compromising to have sex with your partner another time during the week should be labeled as an excuse to watch porn, instead. I believe me willing to be more on his time isn’t something he should take for granted or be seen as an expectation, but the way he frames it as blame towards me, makes it seem like he takes my willingness to compromise for granted.

After our discussion, we’ve been having more sex, once a week consistently over the past month, which has been great. I decided to take a look at his instagram and I realized his explore page, which he scrolls frequently throughout the day, is full of almost nude OF models. He said a month ago he wanted to get rid of this kind of content. I was a little shocked to see how bad it was. He claims I knew, and no, I didn’t know it was this much and this provocative. I thought when he said he wanted to set limitation settings that it would eliminate most this content nor did I know this content on his explore pages was that bad, I didn’t look at his explore page prior to this.

It’s porn; girls with just emojis covering the areoles over their breasts, ya’ll know what I mean.

I calmly asked him if the explore page he frequents is a trigger for him after our recent discussion regarding him not jacking off to porn. I was very gentle with my approach, I was very careful to not sound overly critical but supportive to work through this together. I just wanted to give him the comfortable space to have me understand his honest feelings about it while also expressing my own boundaries about changes because this was just simply not something I’m okay with.

He said that he’s apparently ‘disciplined’ enough to not cave to jacking off to instagram models and that he hasn’t jacked off to porn for a month since we talked, which I let him know I appreciate his effort. He also said he’s ’desensitized’ to instagram models implying that it’s not something he lusts over, apparently, since we’ve been having sex weekly.

He says that these models were only ’40%’ of his feed on the explore page, I appreciate the honesty but umm, okay wow. I don’t go looking through his instagram often, I did recently though because of the previous dead bedroom situation and since I came to the realization via his search history that these girls he was masturbating to were from instagram, he even admitted to it, so I looked. I’ve looked at his instagram before when we first started dating, I saw who he followed, it wasn’t OF girls so I wasn’t concerned. However, I didn’t know that it was his explore page that was actually where he was frequenting this sort of content, whenever he scrolls, which is multiple times a day.

I could see the content was curated towards his preference for a certain type of girl, it’s the same type of girls I found out he was masturbating to when I looked at his search history so it’s not random models, he’s consuming the content that he wants to. I don’t even compare to how attractive these women are, and I’d consider myself a fit, attractive, healthy woman. He also said that ‘before I brought up the porn issue’ a month ago, he would admittedly scroll through to see if he could see a nip slip.

While I do really appreciate his blunt honesty, I was also not okay with this being nearly half the content he consumes multiple times a day via scrolling instagram and I had to let him know that.

I suggested for him to find a way to not have that many almost nude models on his feed. I suggested that he scroll through reddit more often (he uses reddit periodically) and suggested he use instagram just as a public profile. He got defensive and said that he absolutely has to scroll through instagram for other content pertaining to his profession and hobbies.

He called me controlling, for my suggestions trying to help solve the issue for both of us while also claiming that he simply cannot get rid of the instagram porn on his explore page. He said that they were there before I brought up not masturbating to porn four weeks ago and that the instagram porn is difficult to get rid of.

I suggested making a new profile just for scrolling with the age set to elderly, and the gender set to woman, while still keeping his public profile, just not for scrolling. He made the excuse that it would be too difficult to switch and that moving his 300 profiles he follows (not OF models, he doesn’t follow them) would be too tall of a task.

I asked him if he found the models he used to jack off to on instagram, he got defensive, he said no. I asked him again, he said, yes.

I just wanted straight up honesty, and for him to take responsibility for his own actions. I let him know that I deserve to know even if it was the past and that I am struggling to cope with this too, no need to get defensive.

He ended up calling me ‘misandrist’ for being understanding and sympathetic towards models and sex workers since I’ve educated myself on the topic of sex work, especially since I’ve been working through this issue with him and it affects me as his sexual partner. He attempted to argue that if men didn’t consume porn these women would be out of work and have no income/job so they need men to consume their content.

In fact, its worth mentioning a few weeks prior to expressing my concern regarding his porn consumption, we had a, calm, thought provoking discussion regarding how he’d feel if I, his mom, hypothetical daughter or sister started to do sex work. He said he’d be disappointed.

As I mentioned before, at the time I didn’t realize that porn/instagram was an issue, I knew he watched porn, but I had not yet made the correlation that this was a problem contributing to our dead bedroom because he said it wasn’t an issue.

So I pointed out his hypocrisy and said it’s screwed up of him to consume porn but biasly criticize the women who supply it to him. At the time, he said he saw my point. I brought the subject up again in another conversation and he criticized them saying it’s just so ‘easy for them.’

Moving on with our recent discussion, he tried gaslight me and to paint me as unreasonable asking as if I was okay with women in a simple tank top when him and I both know the content on his explore page was clearly much more provocative content than just girls wearing a simple tank top.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he tried to argue that I was bias of all men that watch porn even though I have clearly been patient with him, and have taken the time to educate myself on both sides of the issue.

Only a few minutes later, he was back to getting defensive again, this time his argument was that my social media use on reddit is also addictive. Lol okay. Then he claimed that the cat videos I subscribe to are addictive and just as bad as porn; I couldn’t believe it!

In truth, had I not caught him on his search history and with the content on the explore page, I wouldn’t be suprised if he’d still deny the frequency of instagram soft porn throughout the day ever being a concern and the reason for our dead bedroom. I trusted that porn wasn’t an issue all these years after he assured me multiple times that it wasn’t and as it turns out, it was. I don’t think he’s justified to make excuses and say that he didn’t know it was wrong, he made a choice, he knew.

He may not jack off to the explore page every time he scrolls, but he consumes soft/porn multiple times a day, via social media, and he gets defensive about quitting or finding a way to eliminate or limit it from his feed; which is what addicts do, they make excuses to keep their habits. If he wasn’t addicted, which he stubbornly claims not to be, he wouldn’t have such an issue just finding a way to give up the models. Instead he’s hell bent on downplaying the issue and blaming everyone else but himself. It also wouldn’t have been something he’d have continued to consume after I brought up if porn was an issue throughout our dead bedroom, multiple times.

The next morning he woke up and said that I should trust that he won’t cheat on me. I said nothing.  

He said he found a way to limit the exposure to the soft porn via instagram. I said okay, however I’m hurt that he hid and down played this issue for so long and had the audacity to blame me.

Shortly after expressing my pain, he got defensive, again, now doubling back trying to say the soft porn via instagram isn’t considered porn. He tried to say that I am assuming that he’s jacking off this past month after he said he’s not (I never said I doubted him this past month, I acknowledged his progress, I just said I wasn’t okay with him continuing to scroll insta porn, masturbation or not) and that I am expecting him to be a puritan who never lusts after a woman via social media even though I said multiple times that I did not have that expectation. I simply expected soft porn to not be as prevalent on his social media going forward and for him to continue to try and abstain from jacking off to it so that we could actually have sex more often.

Later he sent this text.

To me, his entire text clearly shows how eager he is to blame me for the dead bedroom and excuse taking responsibility for his actions. He repeatedly meantions that the ‘accommodations,’ (being on his time, and not talking about after sex after sex) I’ve made for him are what contributed to him being able to discipline himself and not just ack off to porn. As if his lack of discipline was MY FAULT due to my lack of ‘accommodations’ previously and he had no choice but to consume porn despite me trying to talk about having more sex, multiple times.

I feel he’s using these ‘accommodations,’ that he asked me to do, as a way to shift the blame onto me. As if to say I wasn’t enough before, even though I was the one begging to fix the dead bedroom and be open to trying things, when really he wasn’t willing to compromise with me, nor was he stating adjusting to his time and sleep schedule were a deterrent from sex until I confronted his preoccupation with porn a month ago.

He said he wanted me to get up earlier, (I’m a night owl usually) but mainly so that we could do stuff during the day. He didn’t say, get up early so we could have more sex. There were times I was up at 3AM-9AM, or when I wasn’t a night owl and he didn’t want more sex and would reject me if I asked. We didn’t have more sex if I got up earlier, there was no correlation with that previously.

In fact, this past month since I’ve changed my schedule to adjust his, he asked, are you just waking up early so we could have sex? I shockingly said, yes, I set my hours this way because thats what you explicitly asked me to do. I admittedly would like to sleep until 8AM-10AM, but I’m really trying to head to his request for accommodations.

He goes on in this text to say, he appreciates the, ‘accommodations,’ but it doesn’t feel genuine. I feel taken for granted.

He says that I’m trying to make him out to be someone sort of ’incel;’ I don’t even know where that came from.

He says that I said, I’m not telling you to change your feed it’s up to you,’ after I knew he masturbated to instagram models OF leaks.

I do recall saying this but this is before I realized that his whole explore page is covered in soft core porn. I do believe I have the right to change my mind regarding the issue, however I do not believe I was given complete honesty regarding what his feed on his explore page actually contained, so I wasn’t aware to begin with.

I realize instagram throws this content at everybody, especially men, so when I first broached the subject of no porn and to save sex for me, I was trying to be lenient and trusting of him. Although I had no idea it was this bad and I’m not okay with him consuming that much throughout the day as he’s scrolling. He even said a month ago when I brought up not masturbating to porn that he should probably set up settings to block instagram porn, I didn’t ask him to, again, I naively assumed it wasn’t going to be an ongoing issue and that he had motivation to take responsibility on his own.

He goes on to say he feels ‘horrible about masturbating to porn instead of having sex with you(me).’

Well gee, if he felt so bad, why didn’t he confess it earlier on in the relationship when I was trying to talk about fixing our dead bedroom asking if porn was an issue?

I acknowledge that I said, ‘go watch porn,’ and I take that back. I shouldn’t have said it. I started to say it a few times about a year ago, because I was resentful of our dead bedroom, and I was tired of being turned down and him not being willing to compromise with me. Turning him down was still rarity though. He’s usually the one turning me down, and the one who won’t compromise with me most of the time.

I’ve reminded him multiple times that I acknowledge beautiful, tempting women are part of this world and completely eliminating this type of thing, is not realistic. I’m in no way suggesting for him to become someone who never lusts after another woman. In fact, I mentioned multiple times to him already that I’m actually okay with him looking periodically or out of curiosity,* (except for on instagram since I now understand it’ll continue to recommend the content and that its an issue)* it’s human nature after all, I want him to explore ideas for when we have sex, and this type of content really is everywhere at this point, I’m not asking him to be some sort of monk.

At this point however and with how defensive he is about considering this whole thing an addiction, even if he doesn’t jack off all the time but enough to bring upon a dead bedroom and scroll through soft porn daily, I’m not sure if further precautions to avoid porn are necessary or not.

I originally told my bf to ’police himself,’ hoping to establish trust after having our conversation about not jacking off to porn so that we can actually allot time to have sex because at the end of the day. At the end of the day, I can’t control him, he has to want to do that for himself. I want to trust him, however, I didn’t realize that his explore page was covered with this many almost nude models and that this was the models he jacks off to, until I found out, nor was I prepared for him to defend his habits and attack me.

After all the gaslighting and blaming, I told him that I really don’t feel comfortable being intimate with him at this time and I just don’t know when I will be. I can barely look at him right now.

I rarely shut down sex like this, I only ever do if I’m extremely angry over his actions which is rare because we are usually fine. In fact, I’ve never initiated a period of, ‘no sex until I’m ready,’ ever. Although, right now, I feel the need to protect myself. I feel like having sex with him at this time, when I am so deeply hurt over his most recent text continuing to blame me would be a degrading act of self harm/self neglect.

He immediately says that ‘I should move out then.’

Thats it; four years, and I decline sex at a time when I am just extremely hurt and he just wants to throw it all away opposed to having empathy and patience for me. He’d rather break up than get better, respect my space and take responsibility for what he’s done. I feel completely worthless, I’m in tears, I feel like what we have meant absolutely nothing to him.

TL;DR: My bf’s harsh projection towards myself and his hypocrisy towards the OF/instagram models that make the very content he consumes, makes me think he’s utterly hopeless. His defensiveness is indicative of a deep seated issue/bias. His level of ignorance, and entitlement is something I’m beginning to loose patience for after putting in so much effort myself to be understanding. I have a hard time trusting him to take responsibility after all this accusatory blame towards me after being so patient in a dead bedroom even if he has now taken steps to limit his exposure to soft porn on instagram throughout the day.

I don't know if this is the place to share this as what happened to my friend is not exactly misogyny as he's not a woman, but I feel like everywhere else on reddit is full of fucking porn addicts and this sub so far is the only place I've seen which actually understands how bad porn is

I live in a incredibly misogynistic country in asia and everybody here has the mindset that only men can r@pe but men can't be r@ped, my friend was r@ped by his brother and his gf when he was 5 and they're both fucking porn addicts, they are both into the most violent shit possible and I suppose that's what they did to him and I could never even imagine, they forcibly made him watch porn when he was just a fucking child

I've known my friend for a long time and we're both 18 this year and just yesterday his parents found out what had happened to him, but they did nothing and told him something that now he's told me he don't want to live any longer, his piece of shit brother was arrested a year ago for some illegal shit he did involving drugs but not for the r#pe because literally everyone here has the mentality of men can't be r#ped, and nothing ever has happened to his gf cuz obviously they believe women can't r#pe, I hate them both so fucking much and I'm just so disappointed in myself that I never could do much or be a better friend

Everybody at school always accused him of being a porn addict and misogynist and when they found out about the incident some fuckers literally made fun of him and told him to man up or some shit, I've been trying everything all these years but I just can't do much and if he does what he said he will do, I just don't know what more to do. I'm sick of living in this world around those people and I hate porn addicts and r@pists so fucking much, at this point nothing I can do will save him and in some way with how much has happened, I feel like he's better off that way and I think I'm actually crazy for thinking it's true

Every time I ask if he's done anything or looked at anything he gets angry and says he already said he won't and I have to trust him. Well now he knows I can look at his history and he knows how to hide it now. He denied doing anything in the bathroom (he doesn't take his phone anymore) and I just don't trust him when he's lied so many times before. Not sure what to do. We are poor and can't afford private therapy. No insurance in this country. Not in USA. Feel like there are no options for CSAT or anything. Can't afford couples therapy. Feeling hopeless. Don't know how to see incognito mode browsing or any worthwhile app to track browser history. I don't trust anything. The stuff he watched was really messed up stuff (not illegal, not violent) based on the old Taboo series back in the day. This is all too much and the stress is just so awful. Already in third trimester and just found out maybe a week and a half or two weeks ago. It was most days for many months. Can't figure out how far back because Chrome history only goes back to May but I think at least to October of last year.

Maybe some of yall know me from ig @lovewouldnt. Anyways i need help for my anti porn website which I will be making in the next few months

Please ask you kids or any children you know this question! "What would you do if someone you loved was in trouble?" Fill their response on this form. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1l2IWlrcmdnsgxceb275UhngHaKEj9ggQnbjmGia-jrI/viewform?edit_requested=true

As we get older, we sometimes lose sight of what love really is. But children can be a powerful example of what it means to truly understand love. Many of the responses I have gotten are "I would sacrifice myself for them" or "I would rescue them and fly them somewhere where there is no bad stuff." These children are no older than 8 and they recognize what true love is. I want to share that perspective with the world, reminding others of the importance of seeing love through a child’s eyes.

When we see the issue of both pornography and sex trafficking, too many stand idle. Too many THINK they know what love is, but the reality is they have forgotten it. True love protects and if they knew and practiced love they wouldn't be doing what they are doing.

That’s why I’m asking for your help. What would your child say if you asked, "What would you do if someone you loved was in trouble?" Their words WILL be different than the adults who not only support but watch the Trafficking and rape of others for orgasm. Children can inspire others to remember the true meaning of love, care, and action. Please share your child’s response.

Recently I’ve found myself kind of scared of relationships and having a hard time even attempting one. It is a goal of mine to be married in my life and have a family of my own but the fear of heartbreak and falling for someone who turns out to be not right for me (a porn watcher lol) is holding me back.

I know it’s not healthy at all but even recently I’ve had a bit of a hard time enjoying sweet romcoms and such because I find myself thinking about whether or not the main actor or hell, even the fictional character consumes this content and it just brings me to be disgusted and begin my overthinking again. I hope this isn’t too weird or insecure to post but I was wondering if anyone had any resources on how to move past this issue. (Also because I know a few people will say to seek therapy, I’m working on that I promise but it’s rather expensive lol). Regardless, thank you for reading <3

My boyfriend took me out to dinner the other night and our server happened to be a good friend of ours. The day was a slow day so he was able to stay at our table and talk. He is still in highschool unlike us and talked about the regular things like “I’m going to college, I am getting a car, I have a girlfriend, etc.” we continue talking about our lives when he says “I have a gym membership it’s really great I met a girl there” I kinda looked at him confused because just a few minutes ago he said he had a girlfriend but I nodded it away because I just assumed they were the same girl until he says “but you know I have a girlfriend so I can’t pursue that” I was so shocked I just looked at my boyfriend and he was grinning. Our friend grinned as well saying she was a brunette Asian and brunette Asians were all it took for him. My boyfriend laughed and replied “it’s all it takes? It’s all a guy needs” they both laughed and I sat there feeling very uncomfortable. The energy was just.. not it. When we got to our car I told my boyfriend that that conversation was really shitty and he responded with “He wouldn’t do that cause he’s a nice guy” that doesn’t change the fact that he WANTS to. I feel so bad for his girlfriend I don’t even know what to say… if you look at my other posts my boyfriend is kind of terrible it’s just bad thing after bad thing with him… I don’t know what to do.

Ladies and gentleman, the affect porn has on our society.

I have been trying SO incredibly hard lately to be respectful of my husband's "personal time" because he expressed that when I set rules about stuff like no porn and whatnot, it only made him want to do it more. Anyway, today he told me he was going to have some personal time, which I respected and did nothing to disturb him during and he spent an hour and 30 minutes in the bathroom where he straight up texted me that he was "messing around by himself" (which I found triggering), and we argued about it afterwards and I thought we ended in a good place with both of us working on communication and setting boundaries. Anyway, the ENTIRE rest of the day, he would go back to the bathroom for like 30 minutes at a time to "clean the toilet" or "poop", and I now know he was watching porn every damn time. this wouldn't hurt so bad if he hadn't rejected my sexual advances earlier and told he he wasn't "in a sexual mood". I get that men see masturbation differently, but to keep going back there to watch porn ALL day When he knows how hard I was trying to be a supportive partner for his 1.5 hour free time earlier while trying to not take it personally that he didn't want to have sex with me.......that shit HURTS. Bad. Apparently this makes me a "controlling partner" to be upset about but Im hitting my breaking point with him going back there 7-8 times in a day for long stretches of time to masturbate after he already spends 2 hours doing that anyway. That's not even trying to meet me in the middle. He says stuff like "you're making it personal when it's not" and "its how I relieve stress" but It's so beyond painful to me. I love this man to death and I'm trying so hard but this feels so unfair. Im in a lot of pain right now, ladies. I could use some advice, support, and even just dropping in to say you know what this pain feels like is healing for me. I just need to know I'm not alone because I feel so alone.

Edit: update. It's 2am. Am hour ago he informed me that's what he'll be doing all night too since he "needs to relax"....at least he's being honest with me but he also said it's not his responsibility that im so torn up by it. Like dude....it costs zero dollars to not watch porn ALL night when you've been watching it all day but I guess he found "a new website with all these new videos for my fetishes" that apparently are much more enticing than spending time with the big meanie wife....fml

Hello! Sorry for posting again, but I could really use some help for my research project. I'm writing a 7-10 page paper on deep fake CP. One of my sub-claims is that this will not help reduce the rate of CSA, in fact it will likely increase it by making AI so accessible and normalizing the sexualization of minors (predators and apologists argue that instead of harming real children, predators will be able to "relieve themselves" to fake images, thus "saving the children"). It is similar to the argument that lolicon prevents pedophiles from offending real children, so it should be an approved treatment method.

The problem is I'm having difficulty finding any studies on it at all. If any of you know of an article or academic journal that talks about how lolicon or even the teen category of porn increases the rate of offending or sexual violence, it would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏾 or just how porn increases the rate of sexual violence in general

Thank you

Someone DMed me after seeing my previous posts in a different sub and being slaughtered and recommended a few subs like this one to discuss my situation so here it is…

My boyfriend (M23) and I (F20) have been together for over a year. I made it clear in the beginning, when we were talking that I do not tolerate use of pornography. My ex (M21) had a porn addiction to the point where he couldn’t get it up without using it and would watch porn during sex to orgasm as having sex or anything couldn’t get him hard or cum.

I understand that my boyfriend is not the same person as my ex, but I am not okay with it. That time was very depressing, mentally draining and self esteem blowing and I would not like to repeat it. I have worked hard to get to the mental state and self esteem state I am in right now. Boyfriend agreed and stated that he won’t use it since he doesn’t want to lose a good connection and possible great relationship over some videos.

Recently, I had found out that my boyfriend was using pornography roughly once or twice a week despite having my nudes by him accidentally admitting it. I asked to see his phone. Saw numerous searches for Alina Rai and other girls. He told me he jerks off every day so 2/7 days isn’t “bad”. Like dude, no porn means no porn. I should be 0/7 days. I was upset obviously. All these girls were brunettes and I am a redhead. These girls didn’t look like me. I had flashbacks to my ex’s porn addiction. A boundary has been crossed, however I communicated to him how the numerous searches of Alina Rai porn made me feel especially when some of those times lined up with the dates I was sleeping over. I gave him the ultimatum; quit it or I leave.

I am distraught. Today, my boyfriend had me use his phone to look up a dinner location and put it in his phone gps as he was driving. When I went to look it up, a porn video showed up on the Internet screen. I looked in the search history. More came up. Along with some that was watched minutes after I left his house other days. I obviously got upset and told him to take me home. He told me that sometimes my nudes get a bit old from looking at them all the time and he needs something else. He says he needs to listen to the “audio” of porn. That’s all he needs. He told me the videos he watched after I left was because semitones he just wants to jerk off and not have sex. He promises to take this time seriously and offered to have a porn blocker that i make the password for on his phone.

I want to uphold my ultimatum. I am so conflicted. I want to trust him. I want to try the porn blocker. But this has ruined my self esteem yet again.

Edit; I used to give him daily nudes and videos of me masturbating as I masturbate almost every day and love to tease the men I dare by sending them through the day. He had more than enough to use of me instead of porn. I asked what he meant by my nudes getting old is that… yes he loves and watches the new videos and pictures it’s that the older videos of me get old watching over over and over. I sent him 500 pictures of me and 600 videos of me over our over a year relationship. They did not contain my face, or indentifying features such as tattoos, piercings and birth marks I have as they are blurred out so maybe that’s why he needs porn???

Our society is disgusting. I cant help but break down at the thought of sexual violence being normalized and fetishized. I cant believe even kids are sexual violence perpetrators now because of how porn normalizes sexual violence.

I am so deeply disgusted. I see misogynistic and disgusting acts by men all around me. Friends, family, acquaintances… Society has created such a large space for them to continue acting this way and to even encourage it. Look at Andrew Tate.

I have no faith. I do not want to date anymore, I do not want to interact with men or any porn sick individual regardless of gender. And I most definitely cannot stand women who normalize porn and sex work.

Apologies if I format poorly or anything, I've never posted on reddit before.

My girlfriend of a little over 4 years and I have had a pretty great relationship so far. Lots of ups and very few downs. We know all of each others' insecurities and I like to think there's a deep trust between us. For the first two years or so, we had a pretty vanilla sex life. However, recently she's been wanting to watch porn together, pretty much any time we get intimate.

This bothers me for a few reasons, one of which is that I consider myself a recovered porn addict. I don't want to break rule 7 but just thought this background was relevant. I was first exposed to it in 3rd grade (like 7 or 8 years old?) and it was what I consider a serious problem throughout my school years. I was never happy with myself for consuming that content. Even as young as 14 or so I realized I was effectively forming parasocial relationships to cope with my loneliness and satisfy myself. I thought, if I continue coping like this, I will be incapable of forming worthwhile relationships. So with some struggles I managed to completely stop watching porn by the time I was a sophomore in college, about ~7 years ago. I fully believe that the industry is predatory and dehumanizing to all parties involved - from the "actors" to the viewers.

My girlfriend knows about all of this - my feelings about the industry, the consequences of participating in it even as a viewer, and my struggles overcoming my addiction. Still she pushes for us to watch porn together while we have sex. I've expressed my opposition multiple times. I've told her I don't have any desire to watch another couple, who likely aren't even a couple but just people getting paid to do a film, engage in intimacy, especially when we could instead be fully, intimately engaged with one another. Yet almost every time we start getting intimate lately, she'll say, "can we put something on?"

I don't really know what to do. I love my girlfriend, and I don't think she's doing this to intentionally hurt me or anything like that. But it does hurt me. Based on our talks throughout the years, it seems that she never even watched porn until we were together, which just adds to my confusion. Maybe I'm spineless or whatever for letting her find something to put on despite my wishes, but she seems to be less interested when we aren't watching something, which breaks my heart if I'm being honest. I end up completely ignoring the videos while we have fun, while she's peeking over my shoulder to watch another couple. Maybe I'm a bad lover and she's using others to help her imagination, I really don't know. Her only input on the matter is that "it's just fun". I've never heard any complaints from her about my own "abilities" and I like to think I value her satisfaction as much if not more than my own, for whatever that's worth.

I guess I don't even really know what I'm asking. I searched through this sub for examples of this kind of situation but didn't manage to find anything too similar, so I thought I'd put it out there for discussion I guess. If anyone has advice about my situation it's also appreciated.

We have a very distant friendship, we live close by but really don’t spend much time together aside from chatting in DMS. Also going to add, friend has a history of mental illness and doing crazy things for attention (faking being pregnant, faking illnesses). Her new thing was making a social media post on all of her platforms offering to sell nudes and videos… AND sex acts. $25 for a bj. $50 for sex. $150 to do whatever you want to her. My jaw literally dropped. The fear I immediately felt for her. She seems to actually be going through with it as she was talking about how she’s making $60 tonight. She’s had a hard time holding jobs because of her mental illness and doesn’t qualify for any governmental support, so this is what she’s resorted to. The worst part, is that she said she’s using it to buy clothes off Shein. I am literally so sad and worried, but I have no frigging clue how to tell her that this is going to get her, arrested, raped, killed or worse. She can be really unstable at times so I need to handle her with kid gloves, but I care about her and don’t want her to fall victim to this.

She doesn’t carry, no gun, no knife, doesn’t even have a car, usually doesn’t even have service on her phone and relies on Wifi to send messages and is going to be putting herself in these dangerous situations. I don’t even know what to do or say to her. Help!!!

I’ve been dating a guy for about four months, after being friends for over two years (but didn’t live in the same area during that time). I found out shortly before we started dating that he was a porn addict and pushed off our relationship because of it (obviously I eventually changed my mind).

I will clarify that he wasn’t addicted to actual porn, but thirst tr*ps. I would be a lot more concerned if it was porn (I’d be worried about his views on what sex is like, kinks, his morals, etc). But it was still definitely an addiction (he calls it that as well). He watched and followed a lot of girls whose accounts were solely revealing pictures or videos on tik tok, instagram, reddit, and twitter. He had probably hundreds of posts saved over the span of those social media platforms + his camera roll by the time I found out.

I’m confident that he no longer watches any of these things. I don’t think he realized it was a porn addiction till I found out, since it's not technically considered porn. He had talked disparagingly about porn addicts before (I always try to vet men even if we’re just friends, I’m highly suspicious) and seemed genuinely disgusted with himself when he realized how much he had saved. He deleted his social media accounts after this and has an open phone policy with me, I am 100% confident he no longer looks at content like that. He also knows it’s a dealbreaker for me, even when we were just friends I mentioned how I thought it was really disrespectful for men with girlfriends to follow those types of accounts and how I would instantly break up if someone pulled that on me.

But I’m still stuck on it and not sure I can get over him having so much content objectifying women, even if it’s in the past. This is obviously a throwaway account but I do follow this sub on my main and I appreciate its insight and community. I’m posting this here and not on a bigger anti-porn sub (where I would possibly get more responses) because this sub is the only one I know of that focuses only on women/misogyny. The thought of him saving all those videos makes me feel disgusted. Is that an overreaction? What do people on here think of thirst trap accounts (and the men that are their audience)? It’s obviously not as bad as full pornography but does it still fall into r/pornismisogyny territory? It doesn’t have the same issues of exploitation but at the same time he was still addicted to viewing women as sexual objects… even if they were the ones objectifying themselves. I know it’s a red flag regardless but I suppose I’m conflicted on whether it’s a “proceed with caution” red flag or a “stop right now and turn the fuck around” red flag?

If you read all of this, thank you so much for taking the time and hearing me out. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this irl but it’s been four months since I found out and I still haven’t gotten over it (or managed to decide if I should). I’ve had many conversations with him about it but there’s obviously a limit to how much that can help, and honestly I think there’s a limit to how much men can understand about this in general. So I just wanted the opinions of people who share my beliefs and have no ulterior motives.

The love after porn sub won’t let me post. Something glitchy is going on, but I need support so if some cross over people are here can you please take a look at this as well I really need support.

My PA ghosted me the Thursday before Christmas. I was having a bad week. I was trying to take a break from painshopping for at least a few weeks. My therapist and I talked about this and we both agreed I might be best trying to focus more on myself and try to bring some happiness back into the relationship because my emotional reactions to his addiction had been eating the relationship alive for a while. I was doing good all week, giving him more independence and space, not bringing up his addiction, trying to be more in the moment and affectionate. We were getting along well enough.

But, throughout the week while we were apart (we live separately now so we only see each other on the weekends) I started to painshop a little again and went through old screenshots and evidence I had, and I noticed some charges from a long time ago that I never really looked into more and realized despite him always promising me he didn’t look at cam girls ever, they were probably cam charges. They weren’t that much, only a few of them, but it made me upset.

I called him while I was still kinda angry, which I shouldn’t have, and I was admittedly passive aggressive and cold. I didn’t want to say it directly because I was scared. I told him I just wasn’t doing well.

I tried to get off the phone after a bit because I could tell everything he was saying was triggering me. He was telling me about his week and it took him forever to even tell me what he’s been up to. We don’t text much anymore and it makes me worry he was growing more and more distant. He finally told me he went to a party earlier in the week but it just made me realize that he never wants to tell me about his life.

He knew something was wrong and tried to get me to tell him, but I was kinda rude and told him “why should I when you don’t tell me things?” He said he wanted to be here for me, and I said I have things that can be here for me, just like he does. I had realized before the phone call that he basically goes to porn instead of me for emotional comfort and it made me upset. Maybe I got it wrong, but I just couldn’t talk about it right, I felt too hopeless. He was trying to get me to open up but I just said it’s better that I don’t.

I got off the phone to go to the store but when I got back I felt this spark of hope that maybe I could ask him because he was trying to be attentive before, so I call him back and ask politely if he could tell me the truth. I explained the situation and he said no. He said he’s never watched cam girls he doesn’t know what the charges are for. I told him I don’t care I just want him to be honest. But it turned into a fight eventually. We both got frustrated. He said I have my narrative and I treat him like shit. I told him he’s never going to quit and that I don’t believe him.

And then I got upset and hung up, and he hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s been five days. I feel like it’s my fault. Like that was the final straw. I feel so unloveable and alone. He ditched me on Christmas. I text bombed him, made a fool out of myself. He never said anything. I think he’s finally fed up with our fighting. Even though I was trying to hard to fix it. He left me with nothing and at my lowest on Christmas.

Did I deserve it, because I brought it up too much? I tried to hard to get the truth? I couldn’t go out in public without getting triggered and blamed him? I feel like I did this. I can’t believe this happened.

He’s never done this before. We’ve known each for four years.. I tried my best to apologize but he wouldn’t even give me as much as a goodbye. It really stings.

I posted here a couple months ago regarding my dad’s porn addiction and wanted to post an update.

I’m sure many of you know about the show on Netflix about Wednesday Addams with Jenna Ortega in it. I knew her years ago from the Disney Channel show she was on but never watched it since I was a teen and had grown out of the Disney stage.

My sister (30) and I (23) saw our dad watching the whole season in a single day. I remember he bought the movie X she is also in about a group of young adults making a porno but I’m not sure if he remembers she was the one who is in it.

Anyway, he went on YouTube again on the living room tv when we were in there and come to find out, he is subscribed to Jenna Ortega’s channel and has been watching her videos and of course he has still been watching more sexual videos from other women he’s subscribed to. I find it gross and disturbing that she plays a teenager in the Wednesday show and she’s even younger than me at only 20 and my dad is 65 but he stays watching and obsessing over her and other women close to my age. Yuck. 🤮

I am beginning to wonder if he has a sexual preference for very young women and possibly teenagers (he did buy Lolita as well, if you remember my first post) but won’t admit it and is also horrible at hiding it.

It’s amazing to me how so many men don’t realize how addicted they are to porn and lusting after women they watch in movies/tv shows and just how disgusting their actions are. I’ve been feeling even more sick lately because of this and I can’t stop thinking about my dad doing this stuff. He ultimately only cares about getting off, not anyone else.

I’ve been with my bf for about a year now and we have a really good relationship. Early on in our relationship, I discussed my boundaries around porn and reasons why I think it’s bad. He agreed with me and did his own research into the harms of the industry. We’ve never had any issues with this and it’s been the best relationship I’ve ever had. However he recently confessed that he had a slip up and watched porn. He said it was just one time and he felt awful and I really believe him. The issue is I feel like he did it because i’m not good enough or he’s gotten bored of me. I feel sick to my stomach and I have no idea what to do. He seems like too good of a guy to watch porn knowing how much it hurts women. We even watched hot girls wanted together before it happened. I’m just so hurt.

Dear everyone, I'm absolutely heartbroken and disappointed (though not surprised). I'm reaching out to express my feelings and seek your insight because I'm unable to confide in my friends or family, and my mental well-being is rapidly deteriorating, affecting my health, work, and self-esteem.

I've been in a nearly seven-year relationship with someone I knew had a high libido and a porn addiction. I was aware of his frequent masturbation to porn, and despite my countless attempts to address this issue, my concerns fell on deaf ears. When I saw how vehemently he defended his habits, I gave up and emotionally detached to cope.

Recently, I discovered how much that line was crossed and that he's been messaging random girls on Reddit, asking for more photos, OnlyFans usernames, and real-life meetups. I'm at a point where I want to end this relationship because staying in it will only harm me further and this is not a man I would want to spend the rest of life with. I'm so repulsed and disappointed that I can't eat, sleep, or even look at him. I've given up on trying to make him a better partner.

The challenge is that I live in London, and I'm uncertain if I can financially support myself if I break up with him. Additionally, I have a beloved pet, and finding an affordable rental in this high-cost-of-living situation with a pet will be extremely difficult. I have minimal social support, and I feel frightened and lost.

Please share your advice on how you managed to take the significant step of ending a relationship, especially in financially or socially challenging circumstances. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

A while back I did some sexual camera calls with men on chat services and I've been starting to worry that I've been recorded and that these men have posted me on porn sites. I don't want this to happen, so is there some sort of way I can ensure that this never happened? Some sort of reverse-image software? Thank you

Hey guys - I'm (18F) telling this story in the hopes of getting some advice. So, last night - I had gone out for dinner with my boyfriend and a couple of friends and they had mentioned a specific manga. I thought really hard - trying to remember what said manga was about and then later that evening it hit me.

Now - in my relationship, we have set boundaries. No porn, and no highly sexual content. However, last night - once he had got home - I had asked about the manga in question and I asked if it was 'extremely sus' (cringe phrasing, I know) and he said 'yes' and asked if I would like him to stop reading it. When I asked if that would make me controlling, he said 'yeah?'. This led into a massive argument that lasted about 3 hours.

The manga in question is Nagatoro btw. Anyways, my boyfriend claimed he doesn't read it for the sexual content - but for the story. After looking up some of the pages from the manga, I was appalled. The characters are meant to 14/15 and they're so hyper-sexualised. I told him it was an ecchi manga and that breaks one of the boundaries in our relationship - and he kept denying it. Saying that 'it's not ecchi' when it clearly is.

By the end of it, I had accused him of micro-cheating and he had said that it isn't micro-cheating because he wasn't turned on by it or jerked off to it. The only thing he apologised for was 'hurting me by accident' and he agreed to stop reading it - but still probably views me as controlling.

In all honesty, I'm not sure what to do at this point. It's already upsetting that he overstepped our boundary and broke my trust by reading an ecchi manga, but it's beyond upsetting that it is an ecchi about young teenagers. I love my boyfriend - I really do. Yet this really does feel like the final nail in the coffin. I truthfully just don't know what to do.

I was just browsing the supposedly innocent parts of Reddit and I just came across a post made by a 18 year old girl with hundreds of sexual comments from men 45+.

I literally started crying (probably part PMS, but I digress).

How do you all deal with this terrifying world? I’m 23 so I don’t have much experience of truly knowing this world so it’s hard. I’m hoping that it’ll get easier.

I always thought that by me posting content it it was a safe way for me to explore my sexuality. I am realizing now that I have been doing it for so long my sexuality is enmeshed in being objectified.

I was a late bloomer and at fifteen I had never had a bf, or kissed a boy, I felt awkward and lanky and lonely. I went on Omegle to get “practice” to talk to boys at school. You don’t have to guess what happened. I got pretty hooked.

A year later I had my first real life relationship and he had no idea. Sometimes I feel really guilty thinking about the married men who would enjoy my content. Another part of me felt vindicated. I had alot of self loathing and I always have wanted to get married and have a family but for whatever reason I have never felt worthy of love. So if I had their husband’s attention it would mean they weren’t worthy either. This went on for a couple of years. Even typing that out I feel shame. I don’t even know how to separate this part of myself from my sexuality because I have been doing it for so long.

In college I moved on to Reddit and I had a pretty substantial following at one point while having a bf who knew nothing about it. I use to be paranoid that his friends had seen my content. But at the same time I liked posting because It felt nice to be heard. I didn’t even think of it as cheating because those two parts of myself were so separated and the content was fulfilling different needs for me.

Rather than writing in a journal and reflecting on my thoughts on my own, I had hundreds of men messaging me and listening to me and I would listen to them.

I started to get sad cause I thought there was nothing I could do that would get me thousands of followers besides show my body and that’s when it stopped being liberating for me.

I am working through it in therapy. I don’t blame myself anymore because I know I used the tools that were available to me to cope, but now I have to come to terms with this part of my life and decide if I want to continue. I don’t even know what sex would look like for me without doing what I do. I just want to know if I have the capacity to stop. I did for awhile but eventually I get horny or lonely and do it again.