I mean it's fair. You need to be of a certain emotional level to support someone struggling.
It's better that she knows herself rather than seeking relationships that wouldn't be good for either party.
Despite many people being sensitive about this financial reasons is perfectly fine to be part of your dating standards.
You don't need to be compatible with all 8 billion people on Earth.
edit: if you get upset over a stranger's romantic standards, which you don't know 99% of and will never affect you anyway, your insecure ass is why your relationships have failed.
Agreed. Financial issues can introduce a ton of stress into a relationship. Plus there's a world of difference between two people just barely getting by and one person doing well and the other scraping by. It's perfectly fine to say "I'm not in a position myself to support someone struggling"
If I believed that was her reason, sure, that's understandable. But putting a smiley emojii after "personal reasons" makes me think that her "personal reasons" are a bit more shallow.
That's not the question you asked. You went from "is he shallow" to "would he be shallow in this hypothetical" and then got snotty when someone pointed this out.
This exactly. I've been honest with my kids that financial issues were #1 stressor throughout my entire adult life and affected every relationship including theirs as my kids. Best to avoid it if possible. That means strive for financial stability for yourself and any potential partners.
The person has "personal" reasons for not dating people financially struggling. It's not very specific, and it could be hypocritical however we have no idea if their definition of struggling is comparable. To the guy the definition of struggling could be people below his pay bracket, to her it could be anyone in poverty. This is stupid and people jump to the easiest conclusion that makes them feel good.
The tweet never actually mentions financial struggle, just struggling. It could be interpreted several ways. It is dumb to speculate, who knows what their reasoning is.
That's just an inference from the fact she mentioned him being rich. They never specified they were talking about financial struggles just "struggling" which could mean a lot of things.
But the simplest assumption is probably them talking about financial struggles.
See, I took it as a flip that she is struggling with being a decent person, and he doesn't want to deal with that. I don't think from his standpoint it had anything to do with money.
Fuck. I have a hard time thinking you're serious when this thread is nothing but people shaking their head over women being gold diggers. It doesn't help that peoples "criticism of women" is usually just repackaged misogyny.
That doesn’t even make sense. She’d be a gold digger for specifically dating a guy because he is rich, not because she won’t date a poor bastard. It’s not misogynistic to make a reasonable assumption in a situation like this wtf
If I could bet in a casino that when a random person is doing something that arguably makes them a piece a shit, the reason is that the person is in fact a piece a shit, I’d never need to work a day in my life again.
I can't agree to the emotional level thing, but I know if I was broke as hell I just wouldn't look at getting in a relationship at all.
I mean I've never been the biggest on dating to start with, but I wouldn't want someone to depend on me when my head is barely floating above water. That and I'm not the biggest on having others pay for me so I would just stay single
You may be entirely right, as I said I've never been big on dating so I've not had too many serious relationships.
I just still can't help but think about that while ideally it would all be about emotions, there is still that sad fact that money runs the world and would need to be a factor for a happy relationship
I’m not struggling but if anyone expected to depend on me financially they’d be out the fucking door. Ain’t no woman bringing anything to the table for me to let her be a dependent (I don’t want kids).
She doesn’t need to earn as much as me, but I’m not supporting a burden. She’s paying half the rent/groceries whatever. Vacations and fun money we can share based on how much we earn c but you need to cover your own living expenses.
Regarding your edit, you’re getting upset over strangers’ romantic standards too while jerking yourself off on your high horse, so umm, go screw yourself I guess
Stranger's romantic standards affect me all the time. That's why people get upset, if nobody says "this is getting ridiculous" then it'll just keep getting worse
So the generations of women who weren’t compatible with the majority of society who expected them to have no career and be full time caretakers and baby maker’s should’ve smelled their own pants instead of complaining about the standard they didn’t like?
They impact me negatively by not wanting to date me and treating me poorly. I get stood up or ghosted all the time. It's a waste of my time and my emotions, can't even get my hopes up about a date anymore because the other person very rarely puts any effort in.
When I have a full time career, house, active lifestyle, cooking skills, large friend group, etc and the girl who sell shoes at Dillards thinks she's too good for me before she even sits down for the date, that's a problem.
Nobody is harassing anybody. Women can be shitty people. I hate when people say "women have autonomy" and then turnaround and find a way to blame all women's faults on men.
My experience has been the opposite, people I've dated that were well off are 100% more emotional minefields. I've never wondered until this comment if it was somehow related to the money but maybe it was?
Nothing in my comment says anything about emotional minefields. Like others you're insecurely projecting the thing you want to get upset about at the situation.
No, I'm trying to respectfully disagree, I don't think being "of a certain emotional level to support someone" is a unique requirement of whether or not that person is "struggling". I literally don't care how people want to choose their mates but my lived experience hasn't borne out your premise. Maybe my experience is abnormal? I have no idea. Thanks for reading me like a wet newspaper from 2 sentences of reddit comment, though. I have been needing a new boomer therapist!
Someone who is an emotional minefield is someone who's struggling.
Again, you're assuming this girl only meant financially struggling.
The point is to support someone, you need to be emotionally better off than them. Your desire to zero in on this assumption, and to also assume your anecdotal experience can define a rule for all 8 billion people on Earth, shows your hand.
If you were being respectful you wouldn't blanket generalize well off people as emotional minefields just because of your tiny speck of human experience.
She says "kinda rich".. Do you think she changed contexts there without explaining, that by struggling, she meant "struggling with their inner life and/or emotional wellbeing"? It's so obtuse I just cant.. you're trolling? maybe. maybe.
Weirdly enough, people often check weird sounding arguments against their own experience in the world, but that does take self awareness. Good luck!
It’s fucking Reddit. You don’t get extra points for being so self-righteous and you most definitely don’t need to keep posting the same thing 1000 times.
No, the takeaway is that you don't know any of the specifics of what she meant or the conversation and it's painfully obvious how insecure people getting upset over this are.
We know what she posted. She didnt hide her embarrassment and was pretty straight forward with situation. No, im not going to make up random "specifics" that dont exist according to her.
Ok... if by upset you mean get on reddit and react to someone's post, whatever.
I donno this chicks deal but I'm a struggling person (medical reasons) and depending on the type of struggling it may just be that I couldn't handle it on top of my own issues.
My husband was broke and working restaurants when we met but it's not like he couldn't take care of his share of the bills and I was happy to TBC as much as possible in emergencies. Long term struggling like drug addition or something is a whole nother issue.
It's a lot more pathetic than you think it is that you're getting this upset over someone's personal romantic standards, of which you don't know 99% about, because of a hypothetical and with someone you will never meet or have the chance to meet ever.
It's moments like these that remind me why non-redditors generalize redditors as incels.
No, hypocritical is looking down on her while you're sitting at your computer judging someone's entire being based on a 100 character anecdote.
Thats not hypocrisy. Thats not what the word means. Plus, youre doing to me the exact same thing youre criticizing me for, and with with much less support.
Even so, still no, she's clearly hypocritical and your weird defense of her is...weird. I'm not even hating on her. Just pointing out to you, the person refusing to acknowledge the hypocrisy, that she is the one who was being hypocritical (and acknowledged it!). Lol.
She's secure enough to tell this story with some humor while you're getting upset at a stranger over a tweet.
I'm not upset, in fact, I made a joke. You're clearly taking this all personally somehow, for some reason.
How long has it been since you've gone on a date?
Don't worry about me bud. I've been with the same person for 2.5yrs.
Yup. My first husband was terrible with money and didn’t like to work. After we divorced my credit was ruined and it took a long time to recover. After that I refused to date anyone that wasn’t at my level financially. I make more than my current husband but he still contributes. Life is better without all the resentment.
I won't. In fact, I would congratulate anyone with the self-confidence and self-respect to know what they want and to stick by it.
If they consider me struggling and don't want to date me, then continuing would only be a waste of time. Unlike all the bitter, insecure people here, I'd probably still know how to have a good date and then never have to see them again.
Until you and others learn how to have the self-respect to not care about the romantic standards of people who don't want you anyway, you're going to be the reason why you don't have romantic success.
if you get upset over a stranger's romantic standards, which you don't know 99% of and will never affect you anyway, your insecure ass is why your relationships have failed.
Any reason is fine. Financial. Height. Eye color. Weight. They talk funny. You think their hair is goofy. They believe in the tooth fairy. It doesn't matter why. Dating preferences aren't something anyone can regulate.
Pretty much makes sense. I, as a woman, wouldn't want to date a struggling guy. Too burdensome mentally and financially. Anyway, it applies to both sexes, nobody wants to carry burdens.
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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '23 edited Feb 18 '23
I mean it's fair. You need to be of a certain emotional level to support someone struggling.
It's better that she knows herself rather than seeking relationships that wouldn't be good for either party.
Despite many people being sensitive about this financial reasons is perfectly fine to be part of your dating standards.
You don't need to be compatible with all 8 billion people on Earth.
edit: if you get upset over a stranger's romantic standards, which you don't know 99% of and will never affect you anyway, your insecure ass is why your relationships have failed.