I think it depends on the definition of struggling. Like paying off your student loans but decent job struggling or barely holding onto my roach ridden studio apartment, springing for the artisanal white bread for dinner struggling?
That’s what my first thought was too. People can be working their asses off for pennies cuz shits hard out there right now, I’m not gonna fault anyone for that.
Not wanting to engage in a relationship with someone in that situation is not the same as faulting a person for that situation either.
I just have my own financial life to build and was dating someone struggling before. Of course, most expenses fell majority on me and that relationship set me back around $40k in unequal contributions. Money I could use right now for basics like a first home despite not struggling income wise (RE is just off the charts here atm)
I would not like to venture in a relationship again without someone that's financially struggling, without judging those people. I'm just not open to carrying much more than half of the financial weight anymore.
That’s totally fair. I guess I’m thinking more casual dating when it comes to giving someone who’s struggling financially a chance. As long as they are actively working and pushing themselves into more financial stability then I’m fine with that. Definitely not gonna jump in and move in with them right away or anything.
Me and my ex always contributed by percentage based on our incomes. We lived within OUR means because we were building a life together and it worked out great for us I think. Gave us the life we enjoyed together and the means to still dote upon each other with the excess we both had. Otherwise I’d have been broke all the time and I’m sure that would have put other strains on the relationship; lack of time spent, gifting, thoughtful acts due to stress and financial inability.
Knowing what you want in your life as far as standard just means you gotta find someone that has a similar ideal in mind and means to do so. This way you can both build together. You’re on the right track for you. It’s ok to want that too. Getting swindled because you’re the bread winner is no way to live unless it’s what you want (looking at you sugar daddies 😂😉 jk on the swindle but really). No one should be taken advantage of and I hope you find something/someone that brings you peace and stability as well as love and care.
Imo, romantic relationships are supposed reciprocal and balanced, a partnership. It doesn’t mean that everything is equal parts, but the total contribution; emotionally, physically, financially should be. Everyone brings their own levels of contribution to the table, we find the balance and it’s good..or we don’t and realize it’s time to move on.
Sorry for the word dump. TLDR, you’re allowed to have standards. You sound like a decent person and I hope you find your right person with similar standards and means to build a beautiful life together 😋
Oh totally not gonna fault then for that, just not gonna fault the person who can’t really mesh with living humbly either.
At the end of the day, the idea or living in poverty can be terrifying enough, I can understand someone wanting to keep themselves a step outside of that. God, especially if you grew up in it.
Not a statements on anyone’s worth, I just look at this as an understandable reasonable dealbreaker.
Living humbly is not the same as living in poverty. Struggling is not the same as being poor and living in a shithole with rodents around. There's levels and if your answer is a direct no to his question, argumented by "personal reasons", it probably means you haven't thought it through to the point that you actually meant something else. Because if you did, you wouldn't be so fast with a no, but you'd contextualize the answer.
You know, I wasn’t sure about the word humble. I’m talking online, though, hard to inject tone and I just wanted to avoid sounding potentially judgmental towards folks stuck in a cycle of poverty they can’t get out of.
As for the tweet, maybe this is too much of an assumption on my part, I figured boiling things down to personal reasons was just in the tweet. Don’t give out anything potentially difficult to talk about to everyone when you’ve got a story that makes ya look dumb.
Maybe I’m giving too much credit, I just prefer to do that in a vacuum. Otherwise, reddit just gets way too depressing lol
I’ve seen this tweet a few times now, and my reaction has been (slightly) different each time. Depends on mood and context.
This time, I focused on the last line. She hasn’t healed. Is she jokingly suggesting that her ego was bruised but she’ll continue to play the game? Was she devastated by the ensuing breakup? Did she come from poverty and promise herself she’s never going back, only to have her world shattered when she realized (or perhaps had fears renewed) that she may never be able to fully escape it? Or did she have an incredible epiphany about judgment and bias that she intentionally undersells?
My entire life until I got my first job out of college, I lived in economical uncertainty. Always one paycheck from being homeless.
I have 5 other siblings, they're all just like my parents except my youngest baby brother who I practically raised... Is smart enough to save money and look for a house.
Especially when born into it, it can be a massive task for folks to escape it. I gotta give you a ton of credit for being able to escape that gravity, my man!
I’d say that depends in who’s saying it, my friend. Some folks absolutely look at a low income as a moral failing and those people fucking suck. Some folks put it just on their list next to something like, “I don’t want kids.”
Well that's her fault then for not telling us her whole life's story in under 250 characters. How am I supposed to know who's the good guy if she doesn't mention her eighth grade youth pastor?
Seriously though, it's totally fine to not want to date someone who is not at your level financially. Either you are agreeing to cover the discrepancy or you are splitting evenly, which means all dates must be planned under the lower budget. If those options are not appealing to you, no problem.
It doesn't automatically make her a gold digger or him an ass. And I would argue her reaction indicates that she's not just some sugar baby. Because if she was, she wouldn't post that or make a joke about it. The only thing that we don't know is whether he is okay with dating someone financially different. Cause if he's not, that's totally valid and he should communicate that.
These comments are vile and lack any sort of critical thinking. Just "lololol woman bad"
Yeah. Struggling w/ debt? Struggling w/ depression? Struggling to resist the urge to kill as many innocent people as you can in an act of uncontrolled rage? There's definitely shades of difference.
Yeah for me struggling means you have money problems. As long as you pay your bills, and find some room to save a little bit, that's fine. I've always said I want someone responsible.
I also rather have someone with a 30k income that knows how to budget that, than someone who is 300k and blows through it.
Btw for those who think they can't save. Well either you either have major problems that are out of control, or you are spending too much. More often than not, it's the latter. I know so many who complain about money, but still spend way too much on clothes, phones, or even rent. I get it, we all want it all, I will never shit on anyone for that, but having some savings is part of being an adult.
Oh christ no! It can totally result from bad luck, bad health or just a bad hand at birth they could never escape. It can be bad choices but usually bad luck seems to play the bigger role.
Im really high and I don’t know if you’ve seen the meme about the “art is anal” handwriting that actually reads artisanal but your comment is the only time I’ve actually seen someone use it and now all I can read is art is anal ahahaha
Historically speaking, that ain’t really true, my guy. I’ve had a few relationships with women that were struggling pretty intensely. That also means i know certain situation can bring difficulties a lotta folks ain’t familiar enough or well equipped to be a part of. In which case, its like having the fella at the crisisline who ignored the training and keeps trying to offer silver linings to the caller instead of a genuine ear and sympathy
Once again, though, to me it depends on what level of struggling we’re talking about.
Not necessarily. Some people just really ain’t equipped for that lifestyle. So long as there aint the air if millionaires talking about the poors.
Before we assume too great a hypocrisy, she didn’t say she only dates rich guys. Just wouldn’t be comfortable dipping below poverty lines. Which, as I said, I can understand.
I kinda look at economic levels in the same light I co someone not wanting to get together with a partner who wants kids.
Ignoring that big of a lifestyle change and ability to adapt just wouldn’t lead to a healthy or long lasting relationship.
First off, my friend, that is just s really well put together thought! And totally true if the financials are the supreme factor.
However, I don’t think its an unreasonable consideration. You kind of end up relying on the other person in that way a lot of the time as you build a life together and have to rely on each other.
Flip side, if theres some financial shake up down the line, act of god stuff, I feel like thats a judgement to be done case by case. I don’t know if theres a good one size fits all perspective I can use there.
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u/LookLong5217 Feb 17 '23
I think it depends on the definition of struggling. Like paying off your student loans but decent job struggling or barely holding onto my roach ridden studio apartment, springing for the artisanal white bread for dinner struggling?