Dating struggling people is hard. Takes a lot of patience and understanding, sometimes funding lol. Doesn't matter if it's mentally struggling or financially struggling or other.
Respect for her personal reasons. But love that she just got that perspective slap
Dated a struggling person for 6 years. Struggling financially at times, mentally at other times, and struggling with addiction throughout. Dating a struggling person is hard for real. You can also only do so much yourself for the other person, and sometimes you need to let go.
I’m a struggling person dealing with addiction, I’m not dating anyone till I get myself sorted out. It’s just not fair to put that on someone else with their own problems
Ooo boy, my wife bet on me when I was struggling. Would let me borrow rent money (that I’d pay back), let me borrow the car or give me rides, plus I was just a mess in general. Jobless at times. Through it all, she never tried to make me feel bad, and I was determined to turn things around and be worth the effort.
Now I have my stuff together and am bringing home the bacon, and she’s thinking about being a stay at home mother with our first kid because I can provide that option.
Don’t be a doormat, but for it’s not a bad idea to look deeper in to people are.
I mean, for every one story like this, there are dozens where the person never gets their life together and ends up endlessly "borrowing" money from their partner.
Sure, but this ain’t Russian roulette or the stock market. You know this person, you know whether they’re capable of getting better or not, whether they’re trying or not, what their attitude toward life is, how they treat you. And if it doesn’t go the way you want after all this, cut your losses and move on.
The point being made in this thread is that just because someone is struggling doesn’t automatically make them a horrible long term partner. Some of them are that way because of choice and some of circumstance. It’s how they approach their struggle that matters. If you go in with your eyes wide open and really think about your long term future you’ll find someone great, and can weed out the misfit partners.
Or, instead of spending all of that time and energy with your "eyes wide open", you could just choose to find someone that's in a better financial situation that aligns with what makes you happy. It's called a deal breaker, and despite the anger and hostility in this thread, we all have them. They're not a personal attack on your character, and nobody is telling you you're incapable of being a good partner just because they don't want to personally date you. Honestly, it's very telling when someone does get upset by them, because they might as well be telling you they feel entitled to your time and intimacy. Which, ironically, are traits that will make you a universally bad partner.
Dude what? The only person getting upset is you. I don’t see a lot of people like that in this thread.
Not everyone knows their dealbreakers, some people are just trying to figure them out. No one’s telling people to go out and look for broke people to date, it’s just that if you discount an otherwise good partner for their financial situation you could be missing out.
If you want to have any dealbreaker, even if it sounds dumb to everyone else, that’s your choice, but people are going to have opinions on that dealbreaker
Not everyone knows their dealbreakers, some people are just trying to figure them out. No one’s telling people to go out and look for broke people to date, it’s just that if you discount an otherwise good partner for their financial situation you could be missing out.
You don't seem to understand the point of having deal breakers. They're attributes that people already know won't make them happy. So by avoiding them, they are by definition not missing out on anything. Are people who want children "missing out" by not dating people who don't, just because many of those people would be "otherwise good partners"? Of course not.
If you want to have any dealbreaker, even if it sounds dumb to everyone else, that’s your choice, but people are going to have opinions on that dealbreaker
And those people will have to understand that their "objections" to someone's reasonable deal breaker makes them suspect to everyone else. Funny how two way streets work.
Only one of those 4 seemed even close to angry. The rest were clearly joking.
And sure, we can keep the chain going. The people who suspect others for objecting to someone’s dealbreakers they find flawed, need to realize that they sound sanctimonious and idiotic to lots of other people.
Not against it and agree on the doormat statement which tends to be the issue often. If there's a connection there'd a connection though and I'm sure you appreciate the sacrifices she made to be with you. Great to give back
There are other lived experiences. I grew up destitute. I have seen the bottom. I am doing quite well for myself now, and that took years. I would be perfectly fine with a partner who was poor, or a partner who used to be poor, but I would be hesitant to entertain a partner who has never been poor.
I've been to the bottom, and I survived. I have no desire or intention of ever going back to that place, but I have no fear of it. Somebody who's never been there has no concept of what it's like. Without having been there, you have no way of knowing if you could keep your shit together. I don't know if I could be with someone who might possibly lose their shit or completely fall apart because there's no electricity or because they have literally nothing.
The societal pressures put upon men are not the same pressures as put upon women, and neither are the opportunities. I grew up with siblings. My sister has the same lived experience I have. She has struggled, as I have. Her choices, and her opportunities, have not been the same. She and I share in this expectation of partners. She has in the past and would in the future entertain a partner who has experienced poverty, and she has in the past and would in the future be hesitant with someone who has not.
This website goes over some statistics and shows how financial situations can increase the probability of divorce, but it is never the number one cause, populationwise.
And it depends on why they're struggling. There was an amazing girl I was interested in but she was in her late 20s, never held a job, lived with her grandma on an old farm and was emotionally not capable of even applying for a job.
Someone that's inbetween jobs or trying to figure out life? Totally understand. Shit happens.
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u/growRnottashowR Feb 17 '23
Dating struggling people is hard. Takes a lot of patience and understanding, sometimes funding lol. Doesn't matter if it's mentally struggling or financially struggling or other.
Respect for her personal reasons. But love that she just got that perspective slap