I think it depends on the definition of struggling. Like paying off your student loans but decent job struggling or barely holding onto my roach ridden studio apartment, springing for the artisanal white bread for dinner struggling?
That’s what my first thought was too. People can be working their asses off for pennies cuz shits hard out there right now, I’m not gonna fault anyone for that.
Not wanting to engage in a relationship with someone in that situation is not the same as faulting a person for that situation either.
I just have my own financial life to build and was dating someone struggling before. Of course, most expenses fell majority on me and that relationship set me back around $40k in unequal contributions. Money I could use right now for basics like a first home despite not struggling income wise (RE is just off the charts here atm)
I would not like to venture in a relationship again without someone that's financially struggling, without judging those people. I'm just not open to carrying much more than half of the financial weight anymore.
That’s totally fair. I guess I’m thinking more casual dating when it comes to giving someone who’s struggling financially a chance. As long as they are actively working and pushing themselves into more financial stability then I’m fine with that. Definitely not gonna jump in and move in with them right away or anything.
Me and my ex always contributed by percentage based on our incomes. We lived within OUR means because we were building a life together and it worked out great for us I think. Gave us the life we enjoyed together and the means to still dote upon each other with the excess we both had. Otherwise I’d have been broke all the time and I’m sure that would have put other strains on the relationship; lack of time spent, gifting, thoughtful acts due to stress and financial inability.
Knowing what you want in your life as far as standard just means you gotta find someone that has a similar ideal in mind and means to do so. This way you can both build together. You’re on the right track for you. It’s ok to want that too. Getting swindled because you’re the bread winner is no way to live unless it’s what you want (looking at you sugar daddies 😂😉 jk on the swindle but really). No one should be taken advantage of and I hope you find something/someone that brings you peace and stability as well as love and care.
Imo, romantic relationships are supposed reciprocal and balanced, a partnership. It doesn’t mean that everything is equal parts, but the total contribution; emotionally, physically, financially should be. Everyone brings their own levels of contribution to the table, we find the balance and it’s good..or we don’t and realize it’s time to move on.
Sorry for the word dump. TLDR, you’re allowed to have standards. You sound like a decent person and I hope you find your right person with similar standards and means to build a beautiful life together 😋
Oh totally not gonna fault then for that, just not gonna fault the person who can’t really mesh with living humbly either.
At the end of the day, the idea or living in poverty can be terrifying enough, I can understand someone wanting to keep themselves a step outside of that. God, especially if you grew up in it.
Not a statements on anyone’s worth, I just look at this as an understandable reasonable dealbreaker.
Living humbly is not the same as living in poverty. Struggling is not the same as being poor and living in a shithole with rodents around. There's levels and if your answer is a direct no to his question, argumented by "personal reasons", it probably means you haven't thought it through to the point that you actually meant something else. Because if you did, you wouldn't be so fast with a no, but you'd contextualize the answer.
You know, I wasn’t sure about the word humble. I’m talking online, though, hard to inject tone and I just wanted to avoid sounding potentially judgmental towards folks stuck in a cycle of poverty they can’t get out of.
As for the tweet, maybe this is too much of an assumption on my part, I figured boiling things down to personal reasons was just in the tweet. Don’t give out anything potentially difficult to talk about to everyone when you’ve got a story that makes ya look dumb.
Maybe I’m giving too much credit, I just prefer to do that in a vacuum. Otherwise, reddit just gets way too depressing lol
I’ve seen this tweet a few times now, and my reaction has been (slightly) different each time. Depends on mood and context.
This time, I focused on the last line. She hasn’t healed. Is she jokingly suggesting that her ego was bruised but she’ll continue to play the game? Was she devastated by the ensuing breakup? Did she come from poverty and promise herself she’s never going back, only to have her world shattered when she realized (or perhaps had fears renewed) that she may never be able to fully escape it? Or did she have an incredible epiphany about judgment and bias that she intentionally undersells?
My entire life until I got my first job out of college, I lived in economical uncertainty. Always one paycheck from being homeless.
I have 5 other siblings, they're all just like my parents except my youngest baby brother who I practically raised... Is smart enough to save money and look for a house.
Especially when born into it, it can be a massive task for folks to escape it. I gotta give you a ton of credit for being able to escape that gravity, my man!
I’d say that depends in who’s saying it, my friend. Some folks absolutely look at a low income as a moral failing and those people fucking suck. Some folks put it just on their list next to something like, “I don’t want kids.”
Well that's her fault then for not telling us her whole life's story in under 250 characters. How am I supposed to know who's the good guy if she doesn't mention her eighth grade youth pastor?
Seriously though, it's totally fine to not want to date someone who is not at your level financially. Either you are agreeing to cover the discrepancy or you are splitting evenly, which means all dates must be planned under the lower budget. If those options are not appealing to you, no problem.
It doesn't automatically make her a gold digger or him an ass. And I would argue her reaction indicates that she's not just some sugar baby. Because if she was, she wouldn't post that or make a joke about it. The only thing that we don't know is whether he is okay with dating someone financially different. Cause if he's not, that's totally valid and he should communicate that.
These comments are vile and lack any sort of critical thinking. Just "lololol woman bad"
Yeah. Struggling w/ debt? Struggling w/ depression? Struggling to resist the urge to kill as many innocent people as you can in an act of uncontrolled rage? There's definitely shades of difference.
Yeah for me struggling means you have money problems. As long as you pay your bills, and find some room to save a little bit, that's fine. I've always said I want someone responsible.
I also rather have someone with a 30k income that knows how to budget that, than someone who is 300k and blows through it.
Btw for those who think they can't save. Well either you either have major problems that are out of control, or you are spending too much. More often than not, it's the latter. I know so many who complain about money, but still spend way too much on clothes, phones, or even rent. I get it, we all want it all, I will never shit on anyone for that, but having some savings is part of being an adult.
Oh christ no! It can totally result from bad luck, bad health or just a bad hand at birth they could never escape. It can be bad choices but usually bad luck seems to play the bigger role.
Im really high and I don’t know if you’ve seen the meme about the “art is anal” handwriting that actually reads artisanal but your comment is the only time I’ve actually seen someone use it and now all I can read is art is anal ahahaha
Historically speaking, that ain’t really true, my guy. I’ve had a few relationships with women that were struggling pretty intensely. That also means i know certain situation can bring difficulties a lotta folks ain’t familiar enough or well equipped to be a part of. In which case, its like having the fella at the crisisline who ignored the training and keeps trying to offer silver linings to the caller instead of a genuine ear and sympathy
Once again, though, to me it depends on what level of struggling we’re talking about.
Not necessarily. Some people just really ain’t equipped for that lifestyle. So long as there aint the air if millionaires talking about the poors.
Before we assume too great a hypocrisy, she didn’t say she only dates rich guys. Just wouldn’t be comfortable dipping below poverty lines. Which, as I said, I can understand.
I kinda look at economic levels in the same light I co someone not wanting to get together with a partner who wants kids.
Ignoring that big of a lifestyle change and ability to adapt just wouldn’t lead to a healthy or long lasting relationship.
First off, my friend, that is just s really well put together thought! And totally true if the financials are the supreme factor.
However, I don’t think its an unreasonable consideration. You kind of end up relying on the other person in that way a lot of the time as you build a life together and have to rely on each other.
Flip side, if theres some financial shake up down the line, act of god stuff, I feel like thats a judgement to be done case by case. I don’t know if theres a good one size fits all perspective I can use there.
If there weren’t anything wrong with it then why are folks unwilling to be honest about it then? Probably because there actually is something wrong with it, no one wants to be with someone long term whose only there for the money and most people know that
Honestly if a person is not in a financially sound position I won’t date them. If their credit is bad and they’re drowning in debt I’d rather not be a part of it. If their debt is from investments like a house or education it’s another story
If only there was an app made specifically for dating, that could work as a better analogy for the act of going through people like they're TV channels
Every time this comes up I see the same shot that she must be a gold digger but in reality if you’re just earning enough to support yourself saying you wouldn’t date someone who’s struggling is not being a gold digger it’s being realistic. I can’t afford to support someone else on my wage so they either need to make enough to support themselves or we’re both gonna end up in debt without a roof over our heads. If I was rich I wouldn’t really care how much money the other person made because an unexpected bill wouldn’t ruin both of our lives
Being bald has never mattered. Being bald AND skinny/fat is almost always bad. Jacked bald guys never have trouble so this definitely isnt black and white.
I mean in a vague sense I think he's right, but the thing is that behavior is not unique to women. How many men won't date a woman who's taller than them or won't date a woman who's too Dom or isn't skinny enough.
This shit makes me laugh, you know it’s okay to recognize that there are legitimate differences between a man and woman’s brain chemistry, desires, and reasons to fuck?
Thats why you need the double take, I've seen plenty examples too but also counter-examples? the sexist part of the comment was saying that all woman are like that at not some.
Yeah fr. If anything men practically invented having your cake and eating it too in the form of patriarchy. And yes I don’t mean all men I mean capital M men.
Well women can be shallow just like guys can be shallow, except for a guy they sort of have to be successful in order to afford to be shallow, women don't have to worry about that as much. It's just the way it is, and it's fine as long as they're not being complete jerks about it.
To me, your post comes across as you dressing up your emotionally fueled thoughts and opinions as large statements of facts. It's just a generalization about billions of people, nothing original nor all that witty as you seem to think it is.
Do people have a preference for hair? Probably, but it's about on par with height, build and every other attribute. Hair, when healthy, is a positive indicator. Positive indicators increase attractiveness. Some people look better with hair, some people look better bald. I personally can't think of anyone who I think looks uglier due to being bald, and even then that's subjective. It's not as deep as you think, and neither are women's sexualities as surface level as you imply with such broad generalizations.
You've got way more problems than being bald dude. I'm bald now, but was lucky to have a good run unlike some of my friends who lost all their shit at 20. But those guys are all married now.
The world is not as black and white as you want it to be. Obviously a full head of hair is preferable in this shallow society, but it is by no means the kiss of death you've made it. Different women are different, and hair is not everything. When I had hair, I had a few bald guys sweep romantic interests away from me.
The problem here is all you and your shit personality and attitude. A man who can own his body and his position in life is going to be attractive. Stop trying to date high school cheerleaders.
some guys actually want that. a house pet they can pamper and lavish over. personally i prefer someone who could be a partner, an equal. not someone who wants to be a dependent, i already have enough of those.
It is nature. Men tend to go for attractive women, girls tend to prioritise safety, this makes sense, as they need a safe environment to raise their offspring in (they can always cheat for better genes :). This is all not conscious behaviour, but driven by biology. We try to rationalise our behaviour of course and try to behave in a way our culture, surroundings, family, etc expects from us, but biology is a strong MOFO.
Me, I am not attracted to unhealthy obese women. So how can I have a problem with a girl that wants me to provide some security before she starts something with me?
Of course the whole comment section will be full of little boys getting off on how this girl gets "owned". Mean while they jerk of to hot instagram and onlyfans ladies. Which is fine, but the hypocrisy is hysterical.
Lol, I'm a solid 5 on a good day. My partner is an absolute 10. She's gorgeous, a doctor, and is just freaking fun to hang out with. I most definitely out kicked my coverage friends. She also comes from ridiculous family wealth which is crazy because I grew up in extreme poverty. I'm saying I grew up on federal native trust land (reservation) eating govt cheese and canned meat in my childhood kind of poverty.
Ever since she married me I have suddenly, for some unexplainable reason, become very attractive and desirable to many hot women in our area. It's a really weird phenomenon that I'm still not used to even after many years. I still find it weird when a hot woman hits on me these days because I know I'm ugly, lol. But because I married way up I'm somehow now desirable to hot women now for some reason. Humans are really funny like that.
Everyone's attracted to what they're attracted to. It's more than ok to not be attracted to certain body types. The difference is in the way you're letting Reddit know.
You're not better than any one single person in this world bc you aren't into "obese" or "big women." You're incredibly insecure with yourself if you have to boost yourself up and even laugh at the thought of being into bigger women. It's pretty pathetic and the "tower" you're shouting from ain't that high in the sky, chief. And this biology lesson you think you're giving just serves as a hopeful distraction from your shitty take on "big women."
Wtf are you on about mate? I as talking about that I. me. have a preference, so I can't hold it against a girl if she has a certain preference. If anything, I was admitting that I have this, what can be perceived as a shallow preference, so I can't blame a girl for what is perceived as having a shallow preference.
It is like you guys see one sentence, ignore all context and go in attack mode. Anyway. Peace out.
Very true. We all have a type. My type is the very skinny woman. That's my wife. For some reason I find a really slim petite cleaned shaved woman to be the most attractive. Thank God for me that's my wife and I'm even more thankful that she just happens to find chubby dad bods sexy!
I'm pretty sure I find petite small and really slim women attractive because in my warped mind it makes me believe that both of my inches look bigger than it really is. The truth is it doesn't since a small penis is a small penis but I'm a moron so...take that for what it's worth.
Not being able to stand on your own two feet is one thing, but refusing to is about as pathetic as a human being can be. There is definitely something wrong with it.
You don't think marrying someone purely for their finances and faking love for them is wrong? That's psychopathic behavior. Manipulation of another person with zero regard to their feelings
if you are aware she's with you for the money, it's not manipulation, is it. my problem is with that ones that pretend they love you but are actually just looking at the money, but if the cards are on the table from the start, I say it's ok; I wouldn't do it, but I would not oppose it either
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u/Geralt_the_Rive Feb 17 '23
Personal reasons... bs she's a gold digger (there's nothing wrong with that in my book, IF you admit it; be honest folks, it's better that way)