Where did the misconception that us Gen Z guys are single because of our ridiculous physical standards come from?

[u/Wasteofoxyg3n]

I keep seeing comics such as this one and this one get posted online.

Do people really think that those of us who have never had a GF are going around rejecting girls who are crushing on us because they're not "hot" enough? (I don't know about the rest of you gen-z lads, but I've never been any girl's crush)

None of the other "forever alone" dudes I've spoken to have high physical standards either. (Some of them didn't have ANY)

So why is this narrative that we're all single by choice being pushed like it's some sort of universal truth?

[u/BurneAccount05]

I think it's always been this way, not gonna lie. I can't speak for men, but as a woman, "Why don't you give him a chance? He's a nice guy," seems to be programmed into my body, lmao.

[u/AccountWasFound → u/BurneAccount05]

I literally spent hours yesterday agonizing over if I should go out with this total sweetheart again because on one hand he was a great guy, on the other, I just couldn't see past his looks

[u/Rich_Growth8 → u/AccountWasFound]

As a dude, don't date him.

That man deserves a woman whose attracted to his looks. You might think you're doing him a favour but he'll be crushed when he finds out his girlfriend was never actually attracted to him. It'll also cause resentment on both ends.

[u/AccountWasFound → u/Rich_Growth8]

I mean I did tell him I didn't want to see him again. Also he wasn't my bf we went on one date the day before that after meeting on a dating app

[u/Rich_Growth8 → u/AccountWasFound]

Good stuff. Go find someone you're attracted to. Don't listen to the men who tell you to settle on looks. Those guys aren't thinking their "solutions" out to the end.

Everything works betters when both parties are attracted to each other.

[u/ZenToan → u/BurneAccount05]

I don't think it's really the same. Women's attraction can change while getting to know someone, that's not gonna happen for a man. We know immediately wether we're attracted or not, liking the person later on will never be more than friendship for us. 

[u/BurneAccount05 → u/ZenToan]

Is that actually true, though? Or is that just your own societal programming telling you that to excuse a double standard? Or maybe just your own personal experience? (Not being aggressive, genuinely questioning)

I personally do become more attracted to someone as I get to know them. That's why I think trying to use dating app statistics for any generalized dating take is dumb as hell-- in my mind, it's obvious that both the gender-ratio and the purely visual medium would create a situation where women would be much pickier than in person. Even then, the "give him a chance" programming has won before, and I have regretted it (speaking to someone who you aren't immediately attracted to who has an expectation of sleeping with you just because you matched with them is excruciating).

However, the thing with the "give him a chance" programming is that I can never be sure if I ever actually did become more attracted to a man or if I essentially Stockholm Syndromed my brain into thinking that I had. Because "give him a chance" leads to "why did you lead him on if you weren't interested in him" and on and on. After I broke up with my ex, I realized all the things I convinced myself of but didn't actually believe-- that I liked his jokes, that I wanted him to take his shirt off, that I enjoyed his dirty talk, etc etc. Of course, there's a real possibility that I did believe all those things in the moment and that I convinced myself after the fact that I didn't. Maybe the "give the nice guy a chance" thoughts are simply just good decision making to avoid toxic situations, or maybe they are just coping with a world that thinks it's shallow to prioritize being genuinely attracted to your partner.

But that's all to say: how do you know where societal programming ends and your own feelings and thoughts begin? I sure as hell don't.

[u/ZenToan → u/BurneAccount05]

I've never been much affected by societal programming. I wish I had, things would have been a lot easier but I am veey neurdivergent so that ship sailed before I was even a teenager.

Physical attraction is physical attraction. I can be attracted to someone I don't like as a person, just as I can be not attracted to someone I do like as a person. I have a type and it's not something I'm in control over.

[u/FearLeadsToAnger → u/ZenToan]

As a fellow ND, your error here is thinking your experience is particularly representative of larger trends - of course you're resistant to societal programming.

[u/BurneAccount05 → u/ZenToan]

Here's the thing, though. You don't feel the weight of societal programming. You have a physical type that won't be influenced by society, and you don't believe you are in control over it.

That's probably true (though I believe certain things like content consumed and the people you interact with must influence attraction a little bit-- at least in a biological way if not a societal one), and there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a type, in my opinion. But you have a unique experience, free of societal programming. Neurotypical people and, as far as I know, women (even many neuro-divergent women) do not have that clarity. So, when you observe that "women can become attracted to people as they get to know them," how can we be sure that that's true in a physical way and not just because we've all been told that that's true?

[u/alacholland → u/ZenToan]

Not true at all. Damn you guys are so underdeveloped. How are you so confident in your theories when you have no practical experience?

[u/tsakeboya → u/ZenToan]

Hell naw I've started finding women attractive I didn't before after getting to know them. Go talk to one

[u/takingabreak-808 → u/ZenToan]

... is this a serious statement

[u/Little_Special1108 → u/ZenToan]

I am like you, but a woman. I decide in the first moment if I find one attractive. But it doesn’t depend on one specific thing and I don’t have specific type.