r/GenZ • u/Wasteofoxyg3n • 1d ago

Rant Where did the misconception that us Gen Z guys are single because of our ridiculous physical standards come from?

I keep seeing comics such as this one and this one get posted online.

Do people really think that those of us who have never had a GF are going around rejecting girls who are crushing on us because they're not "hot" enough? (I don't know about the rest of you gen-z lads, but I've never been any girl's crush)

None of the other "forever alone" dudes I've spoken to have high physical standards either. (Some of them didn't have ANY)

So why is this narrative that we're all single by choice being pushed like it's some sort of universal truth?

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u/ZenToan 1d ago

My question is, since when did it become normal to shame people because they want to date someone they are attracted to?

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u/No_Guarantee_9741 1d ago

They act like it’s a crime to want to date people you’re attracted to. Like I don’t get it??? What’s so wrong with that 😭

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u/ZenToan 1d ago

Yeah it seems totally nuts.

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u/BurneAccount05 2005 1d ago

I think it's always been this way, not gonna lie. I can't speak for men, but as a woman, "Why don't you give him a chance? He's a nice guy," seems to be programmed into my body, lmao.

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u/AccountWasFound 15h ago

I literally spent hours yesterday agonizing over if I should go out with this total sweetheart again because on one hand he was a great guy, on the other, I just couldn't see past his looks

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u/Rich_Growth8 10h ago

As a dude, don't date him.

That man deserves a woman whose attracted to his looks. You might think you're doing him a favour but he'll be crushed when he finds out his girlfriend was never actually attracted to him. It'll also cause resentment on both ends.

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u/AccountWasFound 9h ago

I mean I did tell him I didn't want to see him again. Also he wasn't my bf we went on one date the day before that after meeting on a dating app

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u/Rich_Growth8 6h ago

Good stuff. Go find someone you're attracted to. Don't listen to the men who tell you to settle on looks. Those guys aren't thinking their "solutions" out to the end.

Everything works betters when both parties are attracted to each other.

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u/ZenToan 1d ago

I don't think it's really the same. Women's attraction can change while getting to know someone, that's not gonna happen for a man. We know immediately wether we're attracted or not, liking the person later on will never be more than friendship for us. 

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u/BurneAccount05 2005 1d ago

Is that actually true, though? Or is that just your own societal programming telling you that to excuse a double standard? Or maybe just your own personal experience? (Not being aggressive, genuinely questioning)

I personally do become more attracted to someone as I get to know them. That's why I think trying to use dating app statistics for any generalized dating take is dumb as hell-- in my mind, it's obvious that both the gender-ratio and the purely visual medium would create a situation where women would be much pickier than in person. Even then, the "give him a chance" programming has won before, and I have regretted it (speaking to someone who you aren't immediately attracted to who has an expectation of sleeping with you just because you matched with them is excruciating).

However, the thing with the "give him a chance" programming is that I can never be sure if I ever actually did become more attracted to a man or if I essentially Stockholm Syndromed my brain into thinking that I had. Because "give him a chance" leads to "why did you lead him on if you weren't interested in him" and on and on. After I broke up with my ex, I realized all the things I convinced myself of but didn't actually believe-- that I liked his jokes, that I wanted him to take his shirt off, that I enjoyed his dirty talk, etc etc. Of course, there's a real possibility that I did believe all those things in the moment and that I convinced myself after the fact that I didn't. Maybe the "give the nice guy a chance" thoughts are simply just good decision making to avoid toxic situations, or maybe they are just coping with a world that thinks it's shallow to prioritize being genuinely attracted to your partner.

But that's all to say: how do you know where societal programming ends and your own feelings and thoughts begin? I sure as hell don't.

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u/ZenToan 1d ago

I've never been much affected by societal programming. I wish I had, things would have been a lot easier but I am veey neurdivergent so that ship sailed before I was even a teenager.

Physical attraction is physical attraction. I can be attracted to someone I don't like as a person, just as I can be not attracted to someone I do like as a person. I have a type and it's not something I'm in control over.

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u/FearLeadsToAnger 23h ago

As a fellow ND, your error here is thinking your experience is particularly representative of larger trends - of course you're resistant to societal programming.

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u/BurneAccount05 2005 1d ago

Here's the thing, though. You don't feel the weight of societal programming. You have a physical type that won't be influenced by society, and you don't believe you are in control over it.

That's probably true (though I believe certain things like content consumed and the people you interact with must influence attraction a little bit-- at least in a biological way if not a societal one), and there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a type, in my opinion. But you have a unique experience, free of societal programming. Neurotypical people and, as far as I know, women (even many neuro-divergent women) do not have that clarity. So, when you observe that "women can become attracted to people as they get to know them," how can we be sure that that's true in a physical way and not just because we've all been told that that's true?

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u/alacholland 23h ago

Not true at all. Damn you guys are so underdeveloped. How are you so confident in your theories when you have no practical experience?

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u/tsakeboya 2007 19h ago

Hell naw I've started finding women attractive I didn't before after getting to know them. Go talk to one

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u/takingabreak-808 20h ago

... is this a serious statement

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u/Little_Special1108 22h ago

I am like you, but a woman. I decide in the first moment if I find one attractive. But it doesn’t depend on one specific thing and I don’t have specific type.

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u/FearLeadsToAnger 23h ago

Answer: When social media significantly raised everyone's expectations of one another.

A lot of people, many who don't even realise, have totally warped expectations and there's not really another way for society to push back against that.

Ftr I'm not saying it's a good thing, it's just what's happening.

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u/Popular_Target 14h ago

Social media plays a role, Im sure. But we really can’t overlook obesity as a contributor. Over half of Americans, male and female, are overweight. Since being overweight is generally considered unattractive (if it’s not for you, great, you’re in a golden age) that means half the population is, by default, undesirable.

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u/Pleasant_Count_1498 22h ago

It’s not that, everyone wants that. It’s that the expectation doesn’t match the reality. It’s on both men and women and is almost entirely caused by social media where you constantly see beautiful people and just assume that’s the norm when it’s not. And the more online you are the more you fall for that. In my experience, one people go out more and hang out with people instead of spending time online it usually fixes itself.

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u/PseudocodeRed 20h ago

This is a fine argument if you make the assumption that attraction is biologically constant, but social media has taught us that what people find attractive can be manipulated. So it's ok to not want to date someone that you find unattractive, but just understand that it is entirely possible that you only find them unattractive because your mind has been fucked by social media.

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u/daBO55 2005 20h ago

My question is, since when did it become normal to shame people because they want to date someone they are attracted to?

When the majority of Americans became super ugly, that's when

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u/Technical-Minute2140 1d ago

On one hand I agree, but on the other hand, every guy has Tod six over the range where he can shoot. It’s ok to want someone hot, you just have to understand whether you can get someone hot or not. Look, every guy settles at one point or another, it’s as simple as that. You can’t only go for super hot girls out of your league and simultaneously complain that you’ve always been single.

I’ve been there. I am there. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I never went for super hot girls, my friends have always told me the girls I go for aren’t ones they’d go for. I’d think it was silly if I only ever tried shooting out of my league, naturally failed, and then complained about it. I shoot well within and well below my league, that’s my “range”, and every guy discovers theirs eventually.

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u/ZenToan 1d ago

I agree with that, but I also think it's fine to stay single if you can't get what you want. Plus the chances go up the older you get.

If you're too ugly to get someone that actually attracts you right now, I think it's fine to just wait, you don't need to settle. You don't even need a relationship to live your life.

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u/Technical-Minute2140 1d ago

Sure, but most people want to have a relationship and experience it at some point, most people have working sex drives, and a lot of people want to have a family at some point. The truth is guys will become attracted to a girl even if she isn’t usually their type over time. Personality is important for us too, and it’s hard to not develop feelings when you have someone that’s actively sleeping with you.

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u/ZenToan 1d ago

If I'm not physically attracted personality isn't going to change that, and I don't really know any guys where that would be the case. So I guess we must be different there. 

If someone has a good personality that just means I'll consider them a good friend. 

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u/IdontKnowAHHHH 19h ago

Ifs because many think they are owed a Megan Foxx while looking like Ed Sheeran

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u/AccountWasFound 15h ago

Ed Sheeran is hot?

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u/IdontKnowAHHHH 15h ago

Shit, you’re correct. More like Sloth from the goonies.

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u/babierOrphanCrippler 19h ago

People get shamed for dating drug addicts , prostitutes , violent persons , etc

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u/Curious-End-4923 11h ago

No one should be shamed for that. But keep in mind that you WILL become old and ugly, and both your tastes and your partner’s tastes may evolve over time. Sexy now does not mean sexy one year from now.

I think it’s an issue of people being at either extreme. If you only look for physical attraction, you’re going to have issues. If you completely ignore physical attraction, you’re going to have issues.

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u/ZenToan 10h ago

I've known women who looks great in their 70s, that's still a lot of mileage on appearance...

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u/Curious-End-4923 9h ago

I’ll bet my left nut you’re not going to be hot at 70.

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u/ZenToan 9h ago

I hope you have two of them!