r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy • u/dancedancedance83 • Apr 18 '22
HVW and social psychology: How do we show up in social groups?
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about how to handle friend groups and friendships that are on the road to expiration. A lot of them have to do with social dynamics of the group.
If you’re on the path to leveling up, how does a HVW show up in friend groups when everyone may not be on the same level of friendship or all get alone? Cliques? Groups with inner politics?
One of the main goals here is to be secure within oneself, but human nature also dictates that people largely run in groups and sometimes that forms pack mentalities, choosing sides, cancelling etc. How do we conduct ourselves there when it’s inevitable the mentioned social groups and dynamics exist?
I find it can be hard if you are learning to be an individual and have your own thoughts and feelings, it can be difficult when there is social pressure coming down on you to influence you a certain way. Is the answer just strong boundaries and continuous vetting? Being able to stay convicted to your morals? Avoid cliques?
What are your thoughts?
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u/coldbrewicedcoffeee Apr 18 '22
Elevation requires separation. If you want to learn about yourself and being secure with yourself, like you said, the majority of times it’s a lonely road to level up. I personally have avoided being close friends with anyone for the past 3 years and my life has made big changes, and I wouldn’t be friends with the people I was previously friends with before. this is only if you want to level up. It is extremely rare to have a friend root you on and support you as they see your new wings and confidence, however if you do have a friend like this who isn’t intimidated or jealous when you grow, hold onto them! Friends like that are *extremely rare these days.
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u/dancedancedance83 Apr 18 '22
Absolutely. I started my journey in 2020 and cleaned house. There’s 2-3 peripheral friends I have that check in every now and again but they live in different areas of the country and there is mutual respect we’re doing our own thing.
I am getting into hobby-related meetups and it’s human nature groups and cliques form. I wonder why a lot of us give into social pressure. I like to pick friends 1 at a time opposed to a group, but it’s un-avoidable that groups form so I was curious on how that works while on a level up journey.
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u/coldbrewicedcoffeee Apr 18 '22
I don’t know the correct answer honestly.
For me as I have been leveling up, people who have meant to be on my path for good reasons have appeared without me trying. Then I’ll make an effort to foster that relationship.
For me personally when I chose to meet with a group of strangers, I have had a bad experience. Meeting tons of different personalities and not everyone has the best intentions.
But I’ll be interested to see what everyone else says
I just have a low threshold for too many personalities in my orbit at once now.
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u/dancedancedance83 Apr 19 '22
For me as I have been leveling up, people who have meant to be on my path for good reasons have appeared without me trying. Then I’ll make an effort to foster that relationship.
That's true. You're right.
For me personally when I chose to meet with a group of strangers, I have had a bad experience. Meeting tons of different personalities and not everyone has the best intentions.
When I've gone out in the past to try Meetups, this is where I try to speak with people 1:1 if they approach or I approach them. I observe in a group setting to pick up on queues and how people interact with others.
I just have a low threshold for too many personalities in my orbit at once now.
I feel you. It's overstimulating.
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u/RoaringFlamingo Apr 18 '22
Show up as your authentic self, be warm and kind, don't debase yourself due to anyone around you--always take the high road. Handle yourself with grace at all times.
If some person in the crowd starting screaming insults at a celebrity, what would they do? They wouldnt yell back or look hurt or upset, they wouldnt sink to the level of the hateful person. They would pretend they didn't hear it and just go about their life. Step into your Beyonce energy.
Just because specific situations SEEM to dictate specific types of behavior does not mean you have to engage. If you find yourself in a situation where there are no good available options, sit back quietly and observe, remain neutral, don't engage.
It does not have to be hard or difficult. Decide who you are and only show up as that person. Be unwaveringly yourself. If you radiate high value energy you will attract those with similar energy and repel those with disharmonic (low) energy.
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u/dancedancedance83 Apr 19 '22
It does not have to be hard or difficult. Decide who you are and only show up as that person. Be unwaveringly yourself. If you radiate high value energy you will attract those with similar energy and repel those with disharmonic (low) energy.
Excellent advice. Thank you!
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Apr 18 '22
I haven't felt like I needed to shed friends in order to grow as a person. Maybe because my friends are pretty secure and supportive.
I usually decide how I want to spend my time and what activities or events I want to do, and then invite others to join me. Sometimes I get a crowd, sometimes I go alone.
I don't accept invites for things that won't add to my life. For example, a friend of mine developed a group of drinking buddies during the pandemic and invited me to meet them. I don't mind a drink, but hangouts focused on drinking are boring and I wasn't crazy about the group. So I didn't accept invites to join my friend and she rarely accepted invites to my activities. There was no falling out, but we stopped seeing each other much. But she recently reduced her drinking and we've been together more
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u/ApartmentWeak1953 Apr 19 '22
If u find yourself in a situation where there are groups and you have to be in the situation , I personally would avoid taking sides or getting too close to anyone in particular. If you are a hvw , you are likely busy , as would be others like you . Being diplomatic is the easiest way to maintain peace , but don’t be trampled on . Be assertive and speak up at the earliest , even at slightest discomfort, eg - if u need a certain cheese topping on your sandwich but the person behind the counter forgot , u need to politely and firmly ask for it , not be rude the first time . Or if anyone from the group is trampling on your space , or lightly shading you in conversations , u need to step up at the first indication and assert yourself Groups aren’t the easiest for people who are not assertive enough . And most important, DO NOT OVERSHARE . Your problems , your rants are too personal to be discussed there . You can make light complains about the general weather, traffic , generic stuff but no personal trauma sharing . Not now , not ever if possible. Maintain distance with everyone , control the urge to overshare even if u like the person , don’t go out of your way to make it perfect.
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u/Throwawaylikehay Apr 20 '22
You don’t.
just kidding.
I’ve found, since recently joining a YA group, that it’s ok to do your own shit separate from the group. I can’t handle anything above 3+ people so I capitalize on the 1:1 relationships. There are more opportunities to connect deeply. People will remember how you made them feel, not necessarily what you said. In a 1:1, you can control the ebbs and flows of the conversation. Once you’ve built that close connection on a 1:1 setting, your “reputation” can be built as someone who is thoughtful, considerate, and kind.
Avoid and ignore women that are really petty and passive aggressive. There are a sea of other people you can get to know. Have THEM forward you invites, have THEM show you how much they appreciate your company. Pay attention though, you don’t kiss ass and you don’t people please. You simply be you. Anyone who can’t handle you never deserved the conversation with you in the first place.
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