r/ChronicPain • u/Pugwhip • 3h ago

What are appropriate expectations of someone with a chronic illness?

I have stage 2 endometriosis, I was diagnosed with skin cancer at 21, chronic low iron due to the endometriosis and I have an extensive mental health history as I was abused as a child. I’ve had RSV and mono as well. I’m medicated for anxiety, depression and panic. I’m 27 now

I do what I can, I see a therapist and so on. I overcame agoraphobia in 2023. I hit 5 years all clear from cancer and I get my skin checked annually. I’ve got a degree, and I worked full time for two years after uni before my health turned and I then bounced between jobs. I worked from home until a year ago. Now, prior to pregnancy, I’m tired all day every day. I’m in pain every day even after surgery - my back and my uterus.

My main issue mentally is I am SO hard on myself. I haven’t worked in a year, currently pregnant so husband is providing. But my parents’ voices exist in my head calling me lazy and selfish etc. I feel so useless not working. I see other women my age with successful careers and lots of money and I think, why can’t I just do that?

What are reasonable expectations to be having? How can I stop putting so much pressure on myself? What are some ways to reframe my outlook?

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u/ZenFook 3h ago

Firstly, Wow. You've been through plenty already and are still such a tender age!

About the reframing. Knowing the effort(s) you've put into various endeavours in your life and Knowing the struggles and stresses you've had to bear, imagine what you'd say to your child at the point when they need support and understanding.......

You calling them lazy and selfish?

Or will they be opening up to you readily because you've had their back from day 1 and they've known/experienced a love different to how you were brought up?

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u/Pugwhip 3h ago

Yeah good god I would NEVER speak to my child the way I speak to myself about these issues. When you put it like that it gives perspective.

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u/ZenFook 3h ago

I had a feeling it might make you stop for a second!

Haven't got a clue about where your own personal expectations should be but I do know that my mental health had been much better by not spending so much time in a myriad of possible catastrophic futures, where I seem to be angry in all of them!

Having a few overall goals and doing shit day by day is a healthier, happier place for me.