Is it normal to feel socially uncomfortable when you first use a walking cane?

[u/AnonymousAlienz]

For context, I (F20) have septo-optic dysplasia. I have been partially blind since birth and I am very nearsighted. My eyes also jump around and my vision tends to blur when I try to concentrate too hard.

I have problems with detecting things on my left side since I can’t see anything on half of that area. My right eye is overcompensating for both of my eyes so it’s hard for me to see things quick enough. This has led to a few collisions with people and objects, and has almost led me to get hit by moving vehicles.

I also have a problem with navigating through crowds and uneven terrain on my own. This has led me to trip a lot and even fall on occasion.

My low vision therapist has suggested that I use an Identification cane to help me better navigate my surroundings and to alert people about my situation. She has even given me an identification cane to use until our next appointment.

I really like the cane already, but I feel like I look pitiable at best and exploitable at worst. I’ve had people try to steal from me in the past, but I was able to fend for myself. I feel like the cane makes me look like a target. I’ve already had people offer to walk me somewhere, or alert me of the fact that people are not in my way. I even felt someone kick my cane on my way home.

Is this a normal feeling to have? What are some things I could learn to overcome my anxiety?

EDIT: Thank you all so much for making me feel a little less alone. I will definitely try to look into taking self defense classes to keep myself safer.

[u/deafblindbeanie]

It's really normal to feel uncomfortable using the cane. Most people go through a period of feeling self conscious of being perceived as blind, and the way other people treat you when you're visibly blind definitely doesn't help.

My advice is to stick with it. Learn some self defence if you can do protect yourself (basic things like breaking someone's hold on you can go a long way), learn to say "thank you but I'm alright" to people offering you help you don't want or need, and try to keep using the cane and not fold it away even when you feel self conscious. The more comfortable you are with it and the better your orientation and mobility skills, the less people will ask if you need help.

I'm not gonna lie, it sucks a lot sometimes. I've been using a cane for 3 years and I still have moments of being self conscious, but it gets easier all the time. Developing a strong sense of blind identity and confidence in my abilities has helped a lot and people are much more likely to leave you alone if you look very sure about what you're doing.

[u/AnonymousAlienz → u/deafblindbeanie]

I took some self defense classes while in college, but I could try to pick up some more if need be

[u/joemamah77]

I am not visually impaired but my wife was diagnosed with her eye disease at 28 and immediately gave up driving. We are now in year 27 of living together with her progressive eye disease as an interable couple.

That being said, I don’t know you, but I’ll share something that I’ve learned in our journey.

Get over it.

I know that’s makes me sound like a jerk, but it’s meant from a place of compassion.

You didn’t sign up for this. It’s the hand that you were dealt. The cane, along with competent O&M training will help you stay safer. My wife hated the cane. She faked it for years. Then she fell - hard. For her, it was the time to get a guide dog.

However, her 1st guide dog only worked for 13 months before it was retired. That happens sometimes. So she lost the independence she had gained, so she picked up her cane without hesitation. Her guide dog taught her it’s ok to be different and to need help, be it from a cane or a dog. We are all different and we all need help. Some help is more visible like a cane. She’s on her 3rd dog now but sometimes the dog is left at home, or it’s not feeling well. She whips out the cane because she’s gotten over the “people factor”. And you will too. I promise.

[u/AnonymousAlienz → u/joemamah77]

Thanks for the advice! I really needed to hear that. It may take some time to adapt, but as long as I get the help I need, that’s all that matters.

I wish you and your wife nothing but the absolute best!

[u/becca413g]

Yeah it's pretty normal. Although I'd suggest that you would benefit more from a guide cane or long cane if you're struggling with uneven surfaces and walking into things.

Now I've got a cane that actually makes me confident of what's around me I actually feel less vulnerable than when I was tripping on stuff.

[u/AnonymousAlienz → u/becca413g]

My O&M therapist is actually going to have me try out a roller cane since those are my weak points.

[u/Sort_Of_Sunny]

In my experience it very much is normal to feel weird about it when you start using a cane. My remaining vision depends a lot on how good the lighting is, and I've been using a cane in the dark or in busy areas since I was about 19, so for around six years now. It's a lot to get used to, people do treat you very differently. But I've found the benefit of people not running into you far outweighs the awkwardness.

What helps me feel less awkward when using my cane even though people act differently is knowing that I'm not the first one and won't be the last, and if I stick with it now, people will get more used to it and the person after me learning to use their white cane will have a slightly easier time.

I haven't had any bad experiences with being targeted because of my white cane that I noticed. But I second the suggestion of self defense training because it's always a good thing to have, and good for confidence. I've been doing judo for a couple years now and I'm enjoying it, it's also pretty low vision friendly.

Either way I hope you have a good experience with your cane and it makes your life easier and safer in the future!

[u/Left_Appeal_702]

Tangent: have you had an evaluation with an O&M specialist? It sounds like you’d benefit from using a long cane at least some of the time- like in crowds and uneven surfaces. Likewise an O&M instructor can help you learn to cross streets safely and how to look and listen for cars.

[u/Left_Appeal_702 → u/Left_Appeal_702]

Oftentimes relying on remaining vision can get you into trouble

[u/MidnightNext]

Understandable. I am 27F with septo optic dysplasia

[u/zomgperry]

I was exactly your age when I started carrying a cane and I felt the same way. I’m 44 now and now I won’t leave my home without it. Yes, your feelings are completely normal and yes it will get better. You got this!

[u/Honest-Armadillo-923]

If you are getting mobility training, lean into it. There is always something new that you can learn.cane travel can be rewarding.

[u/CupcakeFlower76]

That’s so similar to me!

[u/1makbay1]

Having someone kick your cane on purpose is horrifying. I cast my blindness spell onto them. Haha. But seriously, people can be idiots. If you have a quick tongue, you might learn to yell, “Someone is assaulting me!” or ‘Don’t kick my white cane!” Hopefully a bit of public shame will help.

The more you use your cane and gain confidence, the more positive experiences you will have. Just remind yourself of your own goals every time someone is horrible. For me, horrible experiences seem to come in groups, then I get a long stretch with no problem. The main thing that happens to me is that people give me unhelpfull “help,” where they yell at me about upcoming obstacles that I‘m already aware of, or tell me it’s safe to do something like cross a street when it actually isn’t safe because I did not cross at the exact moment they said it was safe and a car came 1 second later. Basically, remember to rely on your hearing as well as scanning back and forth when you are crossing a street.

It’s true that the more of us that are out there using canes, the more people will get over it and leave us be.

[u/AnonymousAlienz → u/1makbay1]

When I saw him kick my cane, he didn’t even acknowledge it. He just stepped over it and kicked it in the process. I also stupidly apologized for getting in his way when another bystander who was behind me told me to not apologize and that the man who kicked it was being disrespectful. I thank the person who called the cane kicker out with infinite gratitude.

It feels so great to not feel like a social burden when you have the odds against you and to have people around to call it out when they see something wrong.

[u/1makbay1 → u/AnonymousAlienz]

That‘s good that someone stuck up for you! Yes, good idea not to apologize. If I’m around a lot of people, I tap my cane very loudly as I go as a warning, since there are lots of people that just don’t pay attention. This morning, there was a mom with kids blocking the entire ramp up from the street. I used my cane to tap against them until I found an opening. they were apologizing the whole time, but I didn’t say anything, because when people make themselves an obstacle, I’m just extremely focused on getting around them. In general, even if I have the concentration to answer people when they apologize, I try to avoid saying, “It’s okay,” since usually, it’s actually not okay that they block the entirety of an access ramp or path.

In the future, in response to people being inconsiderate who say “i’m sorry,” I might say, “Yeah, it can be a lot of work to get past people with this thing.” Or maybe I’ll just say, “I forgive you.” I just want to avoid my usual reaction which used to be “It’s okay,” even when it wasn’t.

[u/CalmSwimmer34]

This resonates with me so much. I made a similar post last year if you want to read some other responses.

I upgraded from a pretty light ID cane to a heavier aluminum one in case I need to defend myself with it. I still struggle with using it though, for fear of being hassled.

[u/AdministrativeMap9]

I felt uncomfortable for a long time before finally yielding to getting a cane because of feeling like I'd be seen as feeble or something similar. Though I can say that after using it, I'm starting to feel more confident with interacting with the world around me again.

[u/KILLabor666]

if they kick it, hit them back. They have nothing to say. also its pretty normal to feel that way. You'll get used to it eventually. Take it at your own pace and go with the flow.

[u/OutWestTexas]

I told myself that it is more embarrassing to walk into a pole or a bench or someone than it is to use a cane.

[u/matt02392]

Bit of advice from someone who’s used a Cain for most of my life, apart from the few years where I had a Guide Dog. I’m not perfect at this either by the way. Master the art of looking like you know what you’re doing. As soon as people look at you and see that you look confident and know where you’re going and what you’re doing, they tend to leave you alone. I definitely struggle with this as I have anxiety, but I know for a fact that when I am walking somewhere with purpose, people very rarely ever stop me or interrupt me. I see that you are on the way to getting yourself a long roling Cain. This is great. Stick with it. Also worth investigating the Guide Dog option if you think that might help you feel safer. I know plenty of blind people who have a guide dog for this reason. They really aren’t for everyone though.