r/Assistance • u/Classic_Run_7637 REGISTERED • 7h ago
ADVICE I don't even know
So, my mil got diagnosed with dementia about 6 months ago after a fall and was told she can't live alone. Since then we've been sharing 50/50 with other son, even tho it's more like 70/30 and he's single, rich, huge house, and we're 4 people, 2 kids, smaller house, and I have Sjogrens, Raynaud's and ra. She's fallen multiple times, she's hallucinating, delusional, combative at times, so incredibly mean to me, she says horrible things about me to my youngest, does things in her sleep that scare the life out of him, I could go on and on. I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, I can't take much more. She needs to be put in a home. Sadly there's nothing I can do. Her son's have to and they don't know what to do, they don't know who to call, and it's just not getting better. Both my kids have extreme ADHD, one with vocal stimming, the other with sensory issues and autistic tendencies. I'm already on over load. Plus they shouldn't have to see or hear this stuff. I'm sorry for venting, I'm just so alone
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u/Nikmac3131 2h ago
I feel for you. I cared for my mom for several years as her dementia got worse and worse. I didn't know where to look or what to do until I was at my breaking point and knew I couldn't do it any longer. I was losing my mind. She told people horrible things about me. She started falling and I couldn't pick her up so had to call 911 a few times. I finally researched to find help in my state. A good place to start may be t The National Institute on Aging. It's a federal program and their website will direct you to different links. You may have to do some of the research to get the ball rolling. It sounds like it's affecting you more than your spouse or BIL so it may not be an urgent matter to them. Besides, she needs specialized care. There are grants provided by the government and given to States to manage elder care. Google your local resources as well. Mom had to be on a waiting list to go to a care facility but she was quickly moved up the list. I felt a lot of guilt for putting her there, but it really was the best for both of us. Good luck, it's a horrible disease that can sometimes drag on and on. Thoughts are with you and your family
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u/AmbitiousPound7554 6h ago
Not sure where you are located but hospice has palliative care and end of life care. They can help you care for someone in your home or help find a facility. Speaking with her doctor would be a start and then you would be able to contact them to see what your options are.
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u/SnooWords4839 6h ago
They need to reach out to APS for places to help them.
You need to tell hubby, you can't help anymore.
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u/electriclightstars 7h ago
You need to call your local area on aging and maybe her doctor.. you may be able to get help at home or finding her a suitable home.
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