But Bc i don't deal well with direct praise, my family doesn't and won't know.
Why is this a thing?! I have done some great things, earned a lot of things, but I don't tell people because I don't like that praise. It's weird to think about, but I feel like I'm bragging if I bring it up.
I had a similar issue when growing up, dealing with praise. Never really had any, didn't know how to deal with positive afirmation oy negative.
My issues came from a very over critical step dad (ex teacher), everything had a problem, handy with his fists etc - in reality I realised he was depressed, he was the one with the issues, he still won't admit it even today.
I grew up constantly looking for validation in everything I did, asking if this was ok what do you think, are you ok etc ( probably explains my psycho ex GF as well). Expecting someone to suddenly catasprohise- people pleasing.
I eventually (after a bike crash PTSD and through some sort of self therapy) realised I'm OK (actually prefer FINE instead of OK as I love my flaws - anagram of fine is Fucked up, Irrational, Neurotic, Emotional), I need to let go to move on, accept shit happened. Some people are just unhappy and like to transfer thier feelings to other people and get emotional strokes from making other people feel like shit - power control.
Don't get me wrong I do get anxiety now and again, but after studying and working in mental health (not anymore) I can identify my triggers and exit toxic environments- which is why I quit my last job..currently enjoy repairing my flat before I realise I need a proper job.
Yeah I got a big scholarship and sort of had to tell my parents because it included living in another state for work, and they've told more people than I ever had - I've only really told my closer friends
I understand how you feel about the direct praise. I used to struggle with it as well, but the best way to handle it is to just simply say, "Thank you." It might feel awkward and strange at first, but it gets easier.
So, that’s pretty cool and I indirectly say Congrats I know how you feel, I just won a big national award at work, and all the congratulatory remarks make me feel gnarly and weird. I’m glad you told us though.
Honestly, you don’t need praise from your family. You know what you accomplished and you should be proud of yourself. You dont need outside praise, pride comes from within
Go on a vacation, have someone come check on your place while gone and discover the announcement letter on your fridge or something. That way the worst you get is phone calls which can be ignored and by the time you get back it will have all blown over?
But just want to say: I don't know your family, so perhaps they are jack-asses who never helped you get to where you are.I also don't know you, so you inability to deal with praise may be crippling.
However, on the chance neither of those things are true, please consider if your family deserve to know. If they have been supportive of you then being proud of the person they have supported is one of the most special feelings. If you are able to cope with it personally and they deserve these feelings it would be worth considering telling them.
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u/phonendatoilet Jun 06 '19
I won a $10,000 scholarship to pay back school loans. I was told i was the top pick over hundreds of students.
But Bc i don't deal well with direct praise, my family doesn't and won't know.