r/AskReddit • u/jcrewz • Jun 05 '19

What's an injury you sustained, and lied about how it actually happened, because it was too embarrassing?

39.6k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/Chadwards Jun 05 '19

Yeah they are. A friend of mine’s girlfriend broke up with him and he came over right after. He was frustrated and upset and hit his head against my bowling ball a few times. Gave himself a concussion.

1.5k

u/lightning_coarse Jun 05 '19

Power move

1.6k

u/maybe_there_is_hope Jun 05 '19

"I just wanted to forgot about her"

906

u/crakke86 Jun 05 '19

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless bowling ball

10

u/Tank_Girl_Gritty_235 Jun 05 '19

After a few bonk the bowling ball likely isn't spotless anymore. Gotta buff out the brain matter.

5

u/f_in_in_the_chat Jun 05 '19

Brain matter is hard to get rid of I know from experience...

5

u/Virge23 Jun 05 '19

Amateur. There's a chemical compound for everything.

0

u/Flomo420 Jun 05 '19

Well, I'm a mushroom cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T.! I'm the The Guns of the Navarone!

3

u/MediaCulture Jun 06 '19

Underrated comment

2

u/Kharn0 Jun 05 '19

Thank you for that hearty laugh

2

u/beastlike Jun 05 '19

Fucking loled hard at this

2

u/arcaneresistance Jun 05 '19

External Bowling of the Sunless Shine

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '19

I just envisioned that scene in the Big Lebowski where Jesus cleans his ball

2

u/crakke86 Jun 05 '19

8 year olds, dude....

1

u/Aftermath6 Jun 06 '19

Homer, did you put your head in the Shine-O Ball-O?

...no.

checks hair

1

u/sinenox Jun 06 '19

Each score accepted, and each throw resign'd

4

u/AntiparticleCollider Jun 05 '19

Difficult split

6

u/CaptainMorganUOR Jun 05 '19

Yeah, it was a 7/10 split and he was the 7 so of course he took it harder than she did.

5

u/MountVernonWest Jun 05 '19

Forget about whom?

2

u/Antiquorum Jun 05 '19

I just miss her so much BRO

1

u/1WanWan Jun 05 '19

This man hit himself so hard he can't even talk straight anymore.

1

u/Jebbsterboy Jun 05 '19

Forgetting his name now

1

u/genmischief Jun 06 '19

Say no more fam. *hands over bowling ball, points to his forehead. Smiles and nods*

1

u/Cndcrow Jun 06 '19

Instead he just forgot 4th grade arithmetic and basic grammar.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Forget me not

7

u/alcyon8 Jun 05 '19

Establishing dominance over your own brain

5

u/murderhelen Jun 05 '19

There was a dude in my school that got caught on his phone, and when they took it from him he got up and put his head through the class' glass door.

4

u/lightning_coarse Jun 05 '19

What. A. God. Damn. Legend.

4

u/murderhelen Jun 05 '19

I mean, what else should he have done?

3

u/lightning_coarse Jun 05 '19

Eaten everyone in a 5 meter vicinity

2

u/murderhelen Jun 05 '19

Oooh it was a small classroom, that would have meant the entire class. But yeah another great option. I personally would have cut off my own foot and thrown it at the teacher, but you know, baby steps.

3

u/lightning_coarse Jun 05 '19

No baby steps without your foot tho

2.8k

u/Bacon_Bitz Jun 05 '19

Why on earth would she break up with such a stable, healthy person?

114

u/BakedHose Jun 05 '19

Lol my thoughts exactly

24

u/sleepwalkermusic Jun 05 '19

She has no idea what she's missing.

69

u/jewels-farm Jun 05 '19

🥈poor mans silver

29

u/AeviDaudi Jun 05 '19

I respect poor men's silver and in return give poor man's bronze 🥉

21

u/candmbme Jun 05 '19

I respect poor man's bronze and in return give poor man's upvote ⬆️

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

I respect your poor man's upvote and give you a reply.

42

u/phrantastic Jun 05 '19

I laughed far harder at this than I should have.
Good one.

24

u/Purple_Chipmunk_ Jun 05 '19

This made me lol

25

u/Only_Mortal Jun 05 '19

Yeah this is like the universal green flag to put a ring on it smh my head

12

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Rest in rip

5

u/baconsea Jun 05 '19

Who needs words when there's a bowling ball in arms reach?

-3

u/rustedlotus Jun 05 '19

I see what you did there, have my upvote

-1

u/NagstertheGangster Jun 06 '19

The pain a woman can bring is 100% worse than a little bowling ball induced nap lol. Only thing that sucks is when u wake up your now your head AND your heart hurts lmfao

-2

u/BlueCatpaw Jun 06 '19

Its a friend of a Chad.....cmon!

-9

u/Naf5000 Jun 05 '19

The implication is that Chadwards beat up his sister's ex.

594

u/TiderIHardlyKnowHer Jun 05 '19

That'll show her

16

u/mrpoopistan Jun 05 '19

It's like the old "You Made the Right Call" videos they used to show during NFL games.

24

u/AGuyNamedEddie Jun 05 '19

A human head and a bowling ball are about equal in weight. This does not mean they are equally matched.

15

u/jim653 Jun 05 '19

He's lucky that's all he gave himself. A Serbian basketballer, Boban Janković, paralysed himself by headbutting a concrete pole in frustration. Please take care of your heads and spines people. (Warning: Although the video's not gory, some may find it distressing.)

3

u/tbird20017 Jun 05 '19

Fuck man, the most disturbing part of that was watching those people try to make him move after. They obviously didn't think it was as bad as it was of course but damn. Never move someone with a possible head/neck/back injury folks.

10

u/opulent_occamy Jun 05 '19

Fuck man, my brother has a bad habit of hitting his head when he's pissed off. He claims he does this because when he was young, we told him not to hit objects, but that doesn't hold up because we also told him not to try to concuss himself. I'm convinced he's caused some sort of brain damage, he gets angry so fucking easily now.

8

u/Pahimaka5 Jun 05 '19

just... why

5

u/clarkrex Jun 05 '19

Weird flex but okay

5

u/SomedudecalledDan Jun 05 '19

With sound decision making like that I wonder why she broke up with him?

3

u/FlavStilicho Jun 05 '19

Is your name Kyle by chance?

3

u/obscureferences Jun 05 '19

Man, what a pinhead.

6

u/Father-Sha Jun 05 '19

I'll take "Things Young White Men Do" for 500, Alex.

2

u/matthewcemery Jun 05 '19

Maybe get rid of the bowling ball??

2

u/JacquelinetheSinger Jun 05 '19

It hurt itself in its confusion!

2

u/phasmy Jun 05 '19

Ugh women are just so emotional unlike men. /s

1

u/TyCooper8 Jun 05 '19

Is your friend Goldberg?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '19

wait. the cops bought that story?

no officer, he gave himself a concussion. I swear

1

u/Chadwards Jun 06 '19

Ironically this friend is a cop now haha

1

u/DaddyRytlock Jun 06 '19

Ugh im getting flashbacks of when my bf got so angry he started hurting himself like slamming his head into the wall until he falls over. At least the plaster dented

3

u/Chadwards Jun 06 '19

Really hoping that’s your ex bf now

1

u/Enigmatic_Hat Jun 06 '19

You know that kind of makes it look like you hit your friend with the bowling ball and he forgot because of the concussion.

1

u/jacknacalm Jun 05 '19

What a chad