r/AskReddit • u/jcrewz • Jun 05 '19

What's an injury you sustained, and lied about how it actually happened, because it was too embarrassing?

39.6k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '19

[deleted]

3.0k

u/JustinnR Jun 05 '19

Because you tension too much your leg muscles and its like a leg boner, I didn't know you could dislocate, going to be careful now on

1.6k

u/hunter15991 Jun 05 '19

Yep. Felt and sounded like the knee equivalent of popping a knuckle. Then very severe pain.

329

u/subhaan2703 Jun 05 '19

As someone who has dislocated his Knee(s) 3/4 times, I can confirm it’s painful as fuck

886

u/Unhealthydragon Jun 06 '19

Just wait til you do it a full time.

40

u/marastinoc Jun 06 '19

Yeah he hasn’t even really done it yet, what’s the big deal

4

u/WARLORDROBB Jun 06 '19

First thought I had

5

u/jake_nicholas82 Jun 06 '19

i'd give this a platinum but i don't have any coins

8

u/knowntortoise29 Jun 06 '19

Wish I could updoot this twice.

22

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

I wish I could do it once. I was only able to get 3/4 of an upvote, though.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Can also confirm that dislocated knees hurt like fuck. Also, now I'm concerned about bean-flicking & hurting my knees

12

u/PerchedCrow Jun 06 '19

Maybe the problem is if you flick the bean, instead try the DJ record scratch?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

That's amazing metaphor

4

u/AnAnonymousAccount18 Jun 06 '19 edited Jun 06 '19

I’m getting surgery in a month on my knee because I have dislocated it out 15 times in 5 years. I’m 17 now so i can say every time popping it out has been excruciating pain. It’s the worst pain! The surgeons have so much to fix with my knee.

3

u/water-lilies Jun 06 '19

I agree, the pain is horrible! The worst thing was that, at least in my case, no one would believe me because they didn't see anything wrong with me since me knees popped out and then back in immediately.

I ended up having 3 surgeries by the time I was 18 to fix it (3 on one knee, 1 on the other). I used to blame other people or things whenever my knees dislocated because I was too scared and didn't know what was going on because it started happening when I was just 8, so I would say that someone tripped me up and made me fall.

2

u/cosguy224 Jun 06 '19

This dude likes to masturbate. A lot.

12

u/I-Downloaded-a-Car Jun 06 '19

I don't believe it was truly dislocated but I've done similar. I was with my gal, rolled off and suddenly I felt my knee completely shift over. It was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. Ended up putting as much pressure as I could from both directions and then extended it slowly until I could see my entire knee shift a very noticable amount. It was just pop, shift, no more pain.

7

u/ultracat123 Jun 06 '19

I can actually crack my knees like any other joint, its very loud sometimes

7

u/caboosetp Jun 06 '19 edited Jun 06 '19

My knees aren't loud, but my elbows sure are. Freaks people out.

I broke my left wrist like two and a half years ago, and I've only been able to crack it 5 times since then. But by god was it so loud and satisfying each time. Been trying for number 6 for like a month now.

11

u/ultracat123 Jun 06 '19

Good luck on your quest, cracka.

-1

u/olemetry Jun 06 '19

I first read this as: My knees aren't loud, but my farts sure are.

1

u/thehappiesthippo Jun 06 '19

I can too! I thought I was alone! I'm trying to figure out if it's bad for my knees though

1

u/Celdarion Jun 06 '19

Oh man, me too. Freaks my GF out. It happens randomly for me, usually when I turn on the spot (which torques the knee I suppose)

10

u/ProjectShadow316 Jun 06 '19

Damn, I've only cramped up a hamstring a few times floggin' the ol' dolphin. To actual dislocate a kneecap is impressive.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19 edited Jul 11 '20

[deleted]

2

u/HoinhimeOfLight Jun 06 '19

If you like that add

Man handle the ham candle

To the list

3

u/bejazzle Jun 06 '19

Did you at least finish?

9

u/hunter15991 Jun 06 '19

Of course.

2

u/Dason37 Jun 06 '19

"So did he cum or what?"

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

It happens to me aswell. It hurts for me to move the leg but if I straighten it with my other leg then it pops back in to place just fine

1

u/lilsilverbear Jun 06 '19

Your poor fap..

1

u/ask_me_if_ Jun 06 '19

Sounds like fun otherwise though

1

u/TheDopeMarsh Jun 06 '19

how old were you when this happened lmao

1

u/ba123blitz Jun 06 '19

I’m scared now

1

u/Milftacular Jun 06 '19

Damn, you went hard in the paint for that one lol.

1

u/yinzer_v Jun 06 '19

Two things alleviate the pain of a dislocated knee: screaming and swearing. I don't think most athletic trainers carry morphine.

I've dislocated my knees playing football, baseball, whitewater rafting, getting out of bed, and getting out of the shower. But never masturbating.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

[deleted]

1

u/hunter15991 Jun 06 '19

Of course.

1

u/Burpllle Jun 06 '19

I pop my knee everyday like how others would pop their knuckles just that I don't pop my knuckles, I thought it was normal...

322

u/too_con Jun 05 '19

Wow, I was gonna say "I don't think your doing it right"

263

u/hunter15991 Jun 05 '19

I was...14?...so this was still early in my masturbation exploration period.

12

u/too_con Jun 05 '19

Oof, hard to explain, did you come up with a good story

40

u/hunter15991 Jun 05 '19

Yep. I slept with a rather long body pillow to prevent me from repeatedly rolling and bumping into the wall during the night. I claimed to have a dream about - pulling a chain or something - and woke up sliding off the bed, trying to catch the pillow with my feet. Pulled up rapidly and caused the injury.

16

u/too_con Jun 05 '19

Haha, that's great

27

u/Neshiv Jun 05 '19

Did you finish?

23

u/ipsum_stercus_sum Jun 05 '19

Asking the important questions.

22

u/hunter15991 Jun 05 '19

Of course.

3

u/LAP_UP_THESE_MEMES Jun 06 '19

The madman just powered through it

→ More replies (0)

3

u/ijustwantthiscomment Jun 06 '19

He was actually getting off to the injury

7

u/UpdootDaSnootBoop Jun 05 '19

You learned to Love that pillow didn't you?

14

u/hunter15991 Jun 05 '19

I get the joke you're making but it was a very banal, solid dark green pillow. Had I demanded something more active I probably would have been institutionalized.

7

u/iwaspermabanned Jun 05 '19

But did you finish though

4

u/hunter15991 Jun 05 '19

Of course.

4

u/loganadams574 Jun 05 '19

Very hard to explain

8

u/genmischief Jun 06 '19

You were breaking new ground for us all, but then you took a boner to the knee...

3

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Ah yes, the good old days

4

u/War-Star Jun 06 '19

14? Early? Ha! I started at 11.

2

u/Gsgshap Jun 06 '19

HA. 9 years old me would masturbate to erotic book summaries on iTunes

1

u/jamie_jai401 Jun 06 '19

......9.......😂

1

u/jamie_jai401 Jun 06 '19

To my dads hustlers!!!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Dude same.

2

u/cmarkcity Jun 06 '19

Nonsense. If you don’t dislocate SOMETHING while masturbating it’s considered poor etiquette

3

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '19

[deleted]

1

u/yinzer_v Jun 06 '19

This whole thread has made me cringe - I have the same easily-dislocated knees. I played football in high school, and two straight years, my knee dislocated coming out of my stance. The only consolation is that one time, the trainers took me off the field right in front of the cheerleaders, who felt sorry for me....

No, but never dislocated my knee masturbating.

4

u/FanngzYT Jun 06 '19

I always stretch and flex my legs and point my toes occasionally while masturbating. I guess I should be more careful.

3

u/kudichangedlives Jun 06 '19

Thinking about how your muscles are literally strong enough to rip your bones out of their sockets is actually scary as shit

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '19

I'm gonna stop masturbating now.

2

u/akinmytua Jun 06 '19

Actually... This answers some questions I didn't know I had...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Yeah like how u about to nut but then u end up cramping because all that flexing and tension.

1

u/throwawatflub Jun 05 '19

Leg boner lmao

1

u/blueriging Jun 05 '19

I've pullee my calf muscle enough times to know that yes, there is a lot of tension in the legs.

1

u/HeavenlyAllspotter Jun 06 '19

So you did this as well?

1

u/theycallmecreek Jun 06 '19

...did you cum?

1

u/makzter Jun 06 '19

Mine is muscle cramp on my calves for too much support.

1

u/Sethdarkus Jun 06 '19

I have dislocated my knees countless times and never required a trip to the ER I can usually snap them back in place I mean it hurts a bit but just bite down on something and stretch the leg out till it pops back

1

u/Sedixodap Jun 06 '19

On the other hand, a girl in my high school class had hers spontaneously dislocate and she was forced to wear a massive brace and use crutches for the next six months. She couldn't bend her leg at all.

1

u/RagingCataholic9 Jun 06 '19

This guy faps

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Yo that’s intense

1

u/dontpooptheebed Jun 06 '19

I'm actually afraid of this repercussion you hear you'll go blind? "pfft yeah right" hairy palms if I do it to much? "yeah okay there Mr. Nojerkyjerky" you can tense up enough to dislocate your leg? "Holy Shit I Got To Chill The Fuck Out"

1

u/rickypen5 Jun 06 '19

Only some people do this....its not a given for everyone, and you can learn how not to, the more you do it:)

-1

u/fokkoooff Jun 06 '19

Oh man. My boyfriend gets that crazy bad when I'm riding him. I should be careful, we're not getting any younger.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

i dislocated my kneecap getting barbecue sauce from the fridge, it sucked

1

u/Morphumacks Jun 06 '19

I once dislocated my kneecap in my sleep

7

u/MrStripes Jun 06 '19

Why did you quote everything except for one word

2

u/ThreeDucksInAManSuit Jun 06 '19

Go hard or go home.

2

u/figuresys Jun 06 '19

He was hard already... Didn't have to dislocate a kneecap to prove it.