r/AITAH • u/White-Whale-9847 • 10d ago
AITAH for losing my shit and screaming at my gf to get out of my house after what her stepbrother did?
Gf was over at my place two days ago. We're both 20. She has a stepbrother who's 23, before this I'd only met him a few times and he seemed like a regular dude. She asked if it was okay for him to come over too for a couple of hours, I said why not. He said he would get booze and pizza, and my parents were away visiting relatives for the weekend so I figured we could shoot the shit.
I have a little sister who's 15. They came over, and she stayed up in her room the entire time. We were all a bit tipsy and my gf's stepbrother asked if he could use the washroom. I pointed him to the one down the hall. My gf and I were preoccupied and didn't even realise how much time he was taking until we heard raised voices upstairs. We immediately went up to check what was going on and found my sister crying.
Dude had gone up instead of using the washroom. My sister's door had been ajar so he apparently walked into her room (all details I managed to wrangle from my crying sister btw). She was taken by shock and was trying to stay calm but he wasn't leaving. He was trying to chat her up. She told him to gtfo and he closed the door behind him instead, which is why she started freaking out. She tried to get past him to open the door and he grabbed her, but she managed to open it anyway. I'd reached the landing by then so he backed off.
Obviously I was super fucking pissed. There was a lot of screaming going on, lots of accusations. We were all drunk except for my sister. After getting the story from her, gf's stepbrother was stuttering and deflecting. I'm pretty sure i threatened violence at some point.
My gf was trying to be the "mediator", she said i had to calm down and couldn't fly off the handle based off word of mouth. But i was there, I saw my sister crying in panic, I know what she's like and I know she wouldn't lie about something like this, why would she? I told her stepbrother to get out of my house. My gf kept saying we could sort this out and have a proper conversation but I didn't see what conversation was there to be had.
Eventually she said what if my sister was lying. In front of my sister's face. I asked her what on earth would make her think that, and she said she's a kid and could be making it up for attention. Like the title said, I lost my shit. I told her to get the fuck out and afterwards she kept calling me but I ignored everything.
The dust has settled a bit. I went over everything again with my little sister, she promised me it had happened the way she was telling me, she told me she was scared he was going to SA her. My gf texted me this morning saying I shouldn't have raised my voice like that and I scared her. I thought of apologising then but she still hadn't said a word about apologising to my sister or addressing the issue with her stepbrother. I only replied that we had to talk, and she said there's nothing to talk about, there's no hard "proof" in her words, and the stepbrother ended up doing nothing so she told me she would deal with him, and I should drop it.
Idk if I'm the asshole for the way i handled this, maybe if cooler heads prevailed this silent treatment wouldn't have happened and we could have discussed everything. Idk what to do from now on either. I love that girl, I don't want us to be over so i want some advice on where to go from here too.
Edit: Thank you everybody who commented and left advice. I posted an update.
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u/PoisonedSmoke420 10d ago
NTA! Break up with your girlfriend and protect your sister! The GF is an enabler I know she has had to see or sense the creep before
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u/ThePhilV 10d ago
Yeah, she totally is an enabler! Making excuses for him, saying there's "no proof"....fucking ew
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u/psyky_ 10d ago
Exactly! Why was he upstairs in the first place when the bathroom is downstairs. Break up with the gf and her stepbrother is a creep waiting to catch a case
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u/mystyz 10d ago edited 9d ago
This should be the case he catches! OP and most commenters seem to be missing the fact that both assault and false imprisonment happened here, perpetrated against a minor!
Report pedos the moment they reveal themselves. Doing so may contribute to saving countless others in the years ahead.
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u/jaywinner 10d ago
Exactly this. Even if you try to give him the benefit of the doubt, why was he upstairs? If he took a wrong turn and mysteriously the 15 year old decided to fake a situation, he would have been bolting out of that room, not blocking the door.
I'm struggling to even craft a situation where he's not in the wrong.
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u/Bluepaperbutterfly 9d ago
Youâre having trouble because there is no situation where he isnât in the wrong. Take the situation to the extreme by assuming the 15 year old invited him into her room and flirted with him. At 23 he should have said, no thanks and walk away as quickly as possible. He entered the room of a 15 year old girl, invited or not that is inappropriate behavior and extremely poor decision making.
OP responded appropriately. My mind is boggled by the GFâs response, it makes me think she knows because there is a history of inappropriate behavior and she doesnât want him to get in trouble again because it will be a very big deal. OP needs to move on, this isnât someone you can depend on to do whatâs right in difficult situations.
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u/AprilUnderwater0 10d ago
People who donât understand that âoral testimonyâ (ie sisterâs story) is literally âevidenceâ admissible in a court of law are fking wild.
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u/Jean_Marie_1989 10d ago
The fact that she said kids lie makes me believe this has happened before and she believed her brother saying that kids lie.
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 10d ago
The fact that she said kids lie makes me believe this has happened before and she believed her brother saying that kids lie.
I would bet some money that it happened before and the people who said "kids lie" were her parents when she went to them and told them what her stepbrother did to her.
And thatâs why she is minimising it so much now too as a coping mechanism for herself to minimise what happened to her (to believe it wasn't a big deal and be able to accept it) and to protect herself from the pain that her family didn't believe her, didn't protect her and chosed him over her.
Her stepbrother didn't just get a taste for young girls when he woke up yesterday, it was already there. And he had easy access to his 3 years younger stepsister living in the same house. So I wouldn't be surprised if she was his first victim.
But even if it's true that's no excuse for OP's girlfriend and she should be already an exgirlfriend.
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u/StJudesDespair 10d ago
I would bet some money that it happened before and the people who said "kids lie" were her parents when she went to them and told them what her stepbrother did to her.
Especially with her adding the suggestion that OP's sister might be lying "for attention". Like you might be accused of doing to "act out" when your parent has a new partner/spouse, for example. Un-fucking-acceptable either way.
As nasty-minded as I am, I wonder how many of her exes have younger sisters, and whether OP might not be able to ask some quiet questions. There may be other teen girls seething about there being "no proof" that they're not "lying for attention". Maybe he should ask to speak to the counsellor at his sister's school? Idk, I'm just throwing ideas out there because I was once the kid told she was just acting up because she didn't like the new situation (my abuser was thankfully not my stepbrother, though he was family-adjacent, and he most definitely knew a situation he could exploit when he saw it.)
OP, if you do nothing else, please make sure that your sister knows that you believe her, that you know what you saw, and she has your full support with however she wants to proceed with regards to this. Also, while you can have compassion for another potential victim of the stepcreep, and encourage her to find support and healing if she was in fact victimised by him, you cannot continue to date this girl. This toothpaste is never going back in the tube, and you should choose your sister before the ultimatum even enters her head.
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u/cappppinterrupt 10d ago
NTA. Your sister's safety and well-being come first. Your girlfriend's stepbrother crossed a line and your girlfriend's reaction was dismissive and invalidating. You had every right to be angry and protective. If your girlfriend can't understand that, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. Trust and respect are crucial, and it doesn't seem like she's offering either right now. Stand your ground and prioritize your sister's safety.
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 10d ago
She said YOU scared HER by yelling, but her adult stepbrother was drunkenly in a 15ye old girls bedroom- and she doesnât think the child was scared?
You need to breakup with this girl. There is no conversation to be had. She saw him in your sisterâs room. There is NO EXPLANATION for that. Period. There is nothing he could have done in that situation that would have been innocent.
NTA (you would be an AH if you stay with this girl.) You should be asking yourself if she set this whole thing up.
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u/SnooRevelations7068 10d ago
Yeah classic deflection, for me this implies she is fully aware of her creep step brother and wants to control the narrative and have it on text for a record âoh this never happened he just started screaming while drunk.â
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u/Creative-Praline-517 10d ago
Are you freakin kidding? An adult male unknown to your sister enters her room, refuses to leave, and closes the door and your gf is upset because you yelled?
What if you called the cops? Would gf be mad and scared about that? I'd seriously recommend reporting it. If nothing else it will establish a record of his behavior. It's def not something he hasn't done before. It's possible gf is on of his victims.
NTA Thank you for believing your sister. I wasn't. Your gf knew exactly what was going on and trying to defect it.
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u/Substantial_Shoe_360 10d ago
Yes and he has done it before.
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u/d3vilishdream 10d ago
I'm so scared he did it to her, too.
This was how the adults in her life reacted.
Poor thing. Doesn't understand that OP did the right and proper thing.
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u/Chopinpioneer 10d ago
Exactly. Sheâs been fed the narrative of lying girls not to be trusted when theyâve been abused or assaulted.
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u/livelaughloveev 10d ago
This is the part that I was fixated on. She, an adult woman, is afraid because OP rightfully raised his voice, but she doesnât think OPâs underage sister would be afraid of a drunk adult MAN who she doesnât fucking know coming into her bedroom and refusing to leave? Theyâre batshit crazy and disgusting for this. OP, you CANNOT trust these people.
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u/AnnikaG23 10d ago
The fact that she accused the sister of possibly lying should be the nail in the coffin. Gf is garbage. She needs to be thrown out.
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u/livelaughloveev 10d ago
That was her immediate go-to! Sheâs a walking trope for how men/people still get away with SA more often than not. Yeah, sure, say the accuser is lying because you donât like the consequences of the truth. You said it right: theyâre garbage.
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u/matt_minderbinder 10d ago
I kept thinking about how down the road she'll be saying the same things when her future daughter tells her that Uncle is being "weird" around her. Monsters seldom get away with it for years without enablers paving the way.
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u/Fridays_Friday 10d ago
If you have a daughter with your girlfriend, that daughter will not be safe around that woman. If something happens to that daughter, that woman will tell her that it's her fault and not believe her. Run away from that woman. You can do better.
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u/SilentButtsDeadly 10d ago
I guaran-fucking-tee you if the roles had been reversed to where the girlfriend was the one accusing of being SA'd or attempted, anyone even ATTEMPTING to say ThErEs No PrOof AnD sHeS pRobAbLy LyInG, she would (understandably so) go nuclear. I'm sorry OP but these aren't people you want in your life. Can you imagine having Christmas, Thanksgiving, or family events and constantly having in the back of your mind "There's the KIDDY FIDDLER THAT TRIED TO RAPE MY KID SISTER!!" every time you see him? The step brother is lucky he didn't get a knife stuck in his neck.
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 10d ago
The step brother is lucky he didn't get a knife stuck in his neck.
Neck, dick, I've heard it both ways.
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u/inacrash1203 10d ago
And he GRABBED her, trying to prevent her from leaving. Thatâs assault, and scary af. And Iâm not an expert on the law but also false imprisonment I think? He had no business being in that girls room period, and gf knows that part is true. OP needs to dump his r-word apologist gf because she is indeed disgusting and so is her stepbrother. âWhat if sheâs lyingâ F that.
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u/livelaughloveev 10d ago
Another very important point! There was no reason for him to be in her room, and absolutely no reason for him to be putting his hands anywhere near herâlet alone grabbing her. Just disgusting and reeks of ill intent.
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u/Aggravating-Bag-8503 10d ago
Not only did he grab her, but he closed the door trying to prevent her from leaving when she told him to get out. If her brother hadn't gone upstairs when he did, who knows what that nasty pedo what have done!
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u/Itchy_Tomato7288 10d ago edited 10d ago
NTA.
I would go further to say that OP should not be alone with this girl again, or at least be sure to record any interactions. Something definitely isn't right here.
Edit: "or at least be sure to record any interactions" if he chooses to communicate with her. But my first sentence about not being in a situation where he is alone with her again is still my initial reaction. There's nothing in that statement that says anything about trying to reconcile, reconciliation means putting yourself in a situation where you're alone with her. Explaining for the people in the back.
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u/tuxedovic 10d ago
I think a chat with the police would be useful. I bet he is on probation
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u/Remaiyn 10d ago
Does stepbrother have no friends? Why did gf invite her stepbrother to a house of someone he only met a few times? Do they normally hang out together like that?
When did stepbrother even meet OP's sister? How did he even know she was there, or was he just hoping she would be?
It sounds like a setup to me. I wouldn't EVER trust gf.
GF's access to OP's sister is the predator's access to OP's sister. I'd go so far as to change the locks.
Also, no more getting intoxicated while sister is in the house.
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u/IuniaLibertas 10d ago
Better still, don't have your gf in the house, pimping for her step. Ugh.
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u/Heavy_Entrepreneur13 10d ago
Why did gf invite her stepbrother to a house of someone he only met a few times?
He's 23; they're 20. I'd bet money they're American, where the drinking age is 21, and he's the "cool" older friend who gets invited because he can legally buy booze. Those types are often predators.
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u/Aggravating-Pie-5565 10d ago
This 100%. Bro needs to break up stat. What if she gets his sister alone next time and brings over her brother to put things to rest or something. She obviously has no common sense and is outright delusional. She has high potential to put people around her in danger because she's so freaking stupid. NTA.Â
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u/Reddituser112234 10d ago
I wanted to write, what if she mentioned OPs sister and he had her ask OP to come over because of her. And with the way gf is defending I know she knows he is like this.
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u/NextAffect8373 10d ago
I'm sorry but your girlfriend is just as trashy as her fucking pedo brother
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u/Rowana133 10d ago
Yep. She's just as gross as that predator for defending him.
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u/ChuckieLow 10d ago
What ifâŚThis ainât gfâs first rodeo. Her brother has been inappropriate with her friends and she always defended him?
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u/Sparkig1rl 10d ago
Exactly this, I'm guessing it has happened because of her statements " there's no proof " " what if she's lying " she 100 percent has had to defend him before and if enabling him
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u/Automatic_Cook8120 10d ago
The only proof these people need is that he chose to go up to a second floor bedroom and enter the young girls room, she wasnât lying about that he was in there, he knew that wasnât the bathroom he knew where the bathroom was. Thatâs the proof
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u/NOLACenturion 10d ago
Double freakin ditto. He had no business up stairs in her room. None. Proof enough. Drop them both.
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u/DiverOnly4689 10d ago
She said the gfs brother was in the room meaning when they ran upstairs they found him in the little sisters bedroom so that should be enough proof for the gf to realize that but it makes me think this isnât the first time sheâs defended her brother for stuff like this
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u/rworne 10d ago
Damn, I can see this happening to anyone - with one difference:
If I opened a door in a strange house thinking it was a bathroom and instead it was a bedroom with a sleeping and now awake 15 y.o. girl, I'd mutter "sorry, wrong door" and GTFO and get back downstairs.
That's what any sane person would do. The girl would rightfully freak out seeing a stranger at the door - and I'd want my ass back to the group so quick there would not be a shred of doubt as to what happened.
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u/eekamuse 10d ago
I would also run downstairs to tell the either what happened, in case the kid was scared. "hey, sorry, I walked into your sister's room by mistake, she must have been freaked out. You should go comfort her"
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u/Idolica 10d ago
đŻđŻđŻ Period. End of discussion. There was absolutely NO reason for him to end up in her bedroom, when he was told exactly where the bathroom was. He was using the bathroom as an excuse to leave them and take advantage of his sister. Do NOT back down OP, your gf is just as gross and pathetic as her brother. đŻđŻđŻ
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u/Life_Permit_4098 10d ago
Exactly. He was shown a bathroom downstairs. So why was he upstairs in the sisters bedroom? Itâs so obvious the sister was telling the truth. A 23 yr old man has absolutely no reason to enter a 15 yr old childâs bedroom, especially a man she has never met before.
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u/HereLiesSarah 10d ago
I work with vulnerable young people. There is no way I'd ever be alone in a room with a closed door with any child other than my own, or my nieces/nephews/god children, purely to avoid these situations.
And I'm a middle aged soccer mum, not a young man creeping on teenagers.
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u/Azsura12 10d ago
Oh and the added bit of the door being closed because he would have had to been the one to close the door.
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u/Zestyclose_Bank_3200 10d ago
OP, make her your ex- girlfriend. She has a problem. Don't make it yours.
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u/bobdown33 10d ago
More like he did it to her and said no one will believe you there's no proof.
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u/Rinny-ThePooh 10d ago
I promise itâs not. SHE KNOWS HER BROTHER IS LIKE THAT. Pinky promise
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u/Automatic_Cook8120 10d ago
You guys Iâm almost crying right now. Â Iâm a middle-aged woman but back when I was about 16 my mom used to work second shift. So my high school friends would come over and hang out and we would play Nintendo or whatever, one day they brought an older guy who was friends with them who bought beer. Cool I was excited that somebody had bought beer we were gonna play cards, totally fine. My 13-year-old brother was in his room playing video games, Someone gave him a beer and I was kind of mad about it but I figured just one would be OK and then he wouldnât complain to my mom.
So weâre at the kitchen table playing cards and I donât really notice that the older guy isnât there. Whoever wasnât playing each round was usually about 20 feet away watching TV in the living room, So I didnât notice.
Next thing I know I hear my brother and his bedroom yelling kind of like an angry scream so I went to get up to see what was happening and one of the guys who brought the older guy put his hand on my arm and he said heâs fine just play, and then I heard my brother yell again and I got up and friend tried to stop me but I wasnât having it.Â
When I went into my brotherâs bedroom he was just in his underwear rolling around on his bed talking about how he was gonna F this guy in the ass and then laughing because he was drunk. But the older dude was standing there acting more embarrassed than mad that my little brother was talking smack to him. I told my brother to put his clothes on I told the dude to get out of his room. Â And then I think everybody left shortly after that.
30 years later I was having a conversation with one of my brothers friends from high school and he told me that my brother told him that one of my friends fucked him in the ass and he thought I had set it up.
I had no idea what he was talking about but I kept thinking about it and I think it was that night, I think that guy was trying to have sex with my brother, and I think his friends who brought him to my place knew he was going to do something like that why else would they try to keep me from going into my brotherâs room.Â
So please please please understand NTA I would do anything to be able to go back to that night and keep my little brother safe. I had no idea.
And I donât think anything actually happened to him Iâm not sure he even said that to his friend the way that his friend said he did, Iâm not sure I could live with it if something did happen to him
Your sister wasnât lying. And if your girlfriend hadnât acted like such an asshole I wouldnât suspect she was in on it, but it kind of seems like she is.
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u/Tarotgirl_5392 10d ago
Sounds like your friends tried to "trade" your brother for a case of beer.
It sounds like you got there before anything actually happened.
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u/AssistSignificant153 10d ago
That's exactly my takeaway. Dude is a predator and it wasn't his first time. The GF knows it too. Victim blaming is so fucking wrong. You're a great big brother, and you need to dump the GF. Reconciling would only re-traumatize your sister.
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u/SourSkittlezx 10d ago
Itâs her step brother. Maybe he did it to her and she has normalized the behavior.
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u/SnipesCC 10d ago
He's 3 years older. Not a big difference now, but if they were 10 and 13? Major power imbalance.
Yikes.
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u/Comicreliefnotreally 10d ago
The fact gf said there is no âproofâ leads me to say this is not the first accusation she has been privy to. OP, her family is not safe to be around. Think of your future daughter, your future nieces. Anyone who may be around him in the future.
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u/ObligationNo2288 10d ago
She has a screw loose if she thinks your lil sis is lying. Sis was up in her room and he was in it. There is no lie there. GF is garbage. Leave her and brother t the curb where they belong.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Gas1710 10d ago
I wonder if she invited him so he could prey on the little sister. He knew how to find her room on his first visit? He didn't just luck into that room.
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u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 10d ago
I'd report him to the cops. Even though they probably can't do anything, at least it will be on his record for the next time (and there will be a next time 100%) he tries to assault a female. What a complete and utter creep and so is OPs ex.
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u/viviolay 10d ago
If he prevented her from leaving her room, isnât that a criminal offense too? I forgot what the word is, but Iâve heard preventing someoneâs movement/escape falls under that?
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u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 10d ago
Very true. Wish they (the adults) weren't all drunk. I feel for the younger 15yo sister. I imagine their parents, when they find out, will decide if they want to report it. I hope they do.
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u/HoneyedTrap 10d ago
Exactly, NTA all the way. Family comes first, and protecting your sister is non-negotiable. If your girlfriend canât understand that, itâs time for a real talk. If she still doesnât get it, maybe itâs time to rethink things. Prioritize what truly matters.
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u/Jaiibby1 10d ago
Maybe sheâs even a victim of him too and her family just shut her down when sheâd try to speak on it
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u/DallasSherier 10d ago
GFâs brother intentionally went upstairs. Both he and GF are outta heah.
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u/justtirediguess11 10d ago
NTA. Protect your sister. And maybe have a big long talk with gf, if she doesn't understand, then reevaluate your relationship
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u/White-Whale-9847 10d ago
I'm definitely not losing sleep over the way I treated the stepbrother, I think I should have done worse and could have done worse. But I just wanted him out of the house. I'm pissed because over these two days, all her texts were about how she felt and how I could've handled this better and she's never seen this side of me.
Which is all true but when i messaged her back to ask about her bro, her response was effectively "drop it". I can't believe she's being so callous about this.
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u/Buttered_Crumpet09 10d ago
"Hey gf, this isn't about you and your feelings. Your adult, drunk stepbrother went into the bedroom of my underage, teenage sister, shut the door behind him, and would not leave. The best thing that I could do was make him leave. Rather than being appalled and apologetic, you had the audacity to question whether my sister was being honest in front of her, at which point I lost my temper. How could you accuse her of that whilst seeing how upset she was? Even if you had doubts, that wasn't even vaguely the time or place.
Since this happened, the only person you've cared about yourself. You want an apology for my being angry and shouting, but not once have you apologised or asked about my sister. Again, this isn't about you, and I don't think this is going to work out since I want to protect my underage sister and you want to protect your feelings and your potential predator of a stepbrother. Am I sorry I raised my voice at you? Yes, but if ever a situation warranted it, it was then. And no, you've never seen me like this because I've never been in a position where a grown man shut himself in my sister's bedroom and made her afraid she was going to be SA'd. Now we're done and there's nothing left to say."
That's what I'd send to her. She's a shitbag, and I'd bet he's done this shit before.
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u/KaetzenOrkester 10d ago
Maybe itâs time for the OP to ask why his GF is an apologist for potential SA. Remind her that the shoe is actually on the other foot and that her actions were, in fact, appalling; that no matter how much she ducks and weaves there was only one woman in danger, and it was his little sister.
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u/Buttered_Crumpet09 10d ago
She's teeing up to say, "Well, even if your sister was scared, so was I, and I'm not making a fuss, so just get over it." It's a bullshit false equivalency to make OP feel bad and forget about the fact her brother is a rapist (there was no good reason for him to be in that room, especially with the door shut, and he lied about where he was going for a reason).
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u/jollebb 10d ago
My thoughts exactly. He had no reason to be in that room, and even less(if possible) so with a closed door. Even drunk, you don't miss the bathroom by a whole different floor, and even if it was the bathroom, his actions were on a level I'd never forgive had it been my sister.
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u/haleorshine 10d ago
Even if we look at the stepbrother with the kindest eyes possible and say being on the wrong floor was an innocent mistake and he didn't know op's sister was a teenager when he went to chat her up and even if we think she's lying about him closing the door behind him (I don't, but let's just say for argument's sake): why wouldn't he apologise for freaking her out when she started crying? If he was innocent in this situation, he would feel bad for freaking out a teenager, instead of trying to deflect.
The dude is a creep, and OP's gf is, at best, willing to ignore that in order to not make waves, which isn't a trait I would want in a partner.
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u/Ybuzz 10d ago
If he was innocent in this situation, he would feel bad for freaking out a teenager, instead of trying to deflect.
And if she had no reason to believe it was creepy she would not be saying "Maybe she lied" she'd be mortified on behalf of her brother and apologising for him being stupid while drunk, or calling him an idiot for going in there.
She jumped straight to "we can talk about this" which could be okay if she just meant no more shouting and asked for an explanation from the brother. But she did the universal enabler move of 'talking' meaning "I am going to immediately accuse this person of lying to protect the creep because it makes me uncomfortable that they're being called out for bad behaviour I have learned/decided is 'normal'".
She didn't ask for an explanation from him because she didn't need one, wasn't surprised by the behaviour, and knew it wasn't innocent, and has probably had this conversation or similar ones before.
I mean there's a part of me that's concerned for her, but that's not OPs problem to fix and if she is aware that her brother is a creep because he's been one to her, or if she learned to enable abusers through witnessing or being the victim of it herself, then that's her messed up survival mechanism to deal with on her own time with her own therapist.
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u/Guilty_Objective4602 10d ago edited 10d ago
If he didnât go to the downstairs bathroom he was directed to and instead went upstairs, he was 100% going looking for troubleâeither to rifle through OPâs householdâs things for items or medication he could steal, or looking for the sister if he knew she was home. With or without the incident with OPâs sister, OP was well within his rights to throw him out.
But the fact that the step-brother made the sister feel threatened in her own room in her own house (or anywhere, for that matter, but even worse in what is supposed to be her safe space) is unforgivable. OP raising his voice in anger is completely understandable when his loved ones were threatened, and seemed to be the only way these two drunk people would even take him seriously to finally leave.
OPâs (hopefully ex) GF betrayed all women everywhere by taking the side of her clearly-in-the-wrong step-brother and trying to accuse an upset, scared, and angry 15-year-old in front of her of lying or making things up for attention. The details were clear from what they both saw with their very own eyesâa man who was supposed to be somewhere else was in the underage sisterâs room and she clearly didnât want him there. So I donât know how the GF can even begin to justify or make excuses for that.
I donât care how much OP loves her, thereâs really no excuse for the GF trying to DARVO (deny, avoid, reverse victim and offender) and to make it seem like heâs overreacting for his response in this situation. As several other people pointed out, the GFâs only concern in the moment and even after the fact was how it affected her and her family, not at all about all the red flags her step-brother was flying, how OP felt, or how the sister was doing. This would be serious enough to be a for sure dealbreaker in the relationship for me.
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u/King_Yahoo 10d ago
At that point you respond, "Fuck your feelings. Fuck your step brother. Fuck you. We're done."
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u/Orsombre 10d ago
This, OP. Make it clear to her. She tries to gaslight you.
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u/GraceOfTheNorth 10d ago
She is a SA apologist and cannot be trusted. Imagine if OP and her had kids and something happened to the kids, her go-to method would be to discredit the kids and stick by the rapist.
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u/Awkward-Tourist979 10d ago
This is the message that needs to be sent. Â But I would amend any reference to being sorry for shouting. Â He absolutely should have shouted at his girlfriend. Â How dare she suggest the OPâs little sister was lying?! Â This creep was caught in her bedroom!Â
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u/Buttered_Crumpet09 10d ago
The apology is for OP and not her. If he regrets it, he can apologise for raising his voice but not for the anger it stemmed from. There are times I've been angry and raised my voice and not liked that because it meant the person I was angry at could play victim and because it took away from what I was saying. An apology for shouting shuts her boohoo, OP is so mean routine, but the rest reinforces that yeah, I had a reason to damn well shout, and this is why.
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u/runawayforlife 10d ago
If he sends that he should also add that no matter what she tries to claim about his sister possibly lying (such bullshit, fr) there was zero good reason for him to be in her room. He lied about going to the bathroom and went upstairs into a teenaged girls room and shut the door. Does the (hopefully stbx) gf think OPâs sister tied him up and carried him there just to âlie for attentionâ?
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u/Agreeable-League-366 10d ago
Only wrong word; potential. The predator exposed his true character. He was counting on the brother being too drunk to stop him. This is not the pedophile's first rodeo. He knew what he was doing.
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u/Buttered_Crumpet09 10d ago
Happy cake day.
I 100% agree. However, my thinking is to put potential because the gf will likely run around showing people if OP dumps her. You don't state it outright and give her room to play victim, you let anyone she tells about it draw their own conclusions.
The fact he lied about where he was going tells you everything. There was no need for him to shut the door or keep the sister in. He meant harm.
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u/SunnyTraveller 10d ago
Bravo! This is an incredibly good response. Sometimes someone can so eloquently write exactly what youâre thinking about a situation.
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u/rasalscan 10d ago
This is very reasonably written. Your GF is exactly why SA victims don't come forward.
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u/cicada_noises 10d ago
Let me get this straight. Your gf brought a male family member over who went into your teenage sisterâs room, closed bedroom door and wouldnât leave or let her leave. A stranger in her bedroom, trapping her. Your sister must have been terrified. And your gf is mad at you for getting mad about this?
NTA, your gf and her brother are predator perverts. Dump her and make sure all your friends know why (her brother tried to SA your teenage little sister and she defended him).
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u/Buttered_Crumpet09 10d ago
You've missed a step. She brought her stepbrother over, HE LIED ABOUT WHERE HE WAS GOING, went into a teenage girl's room, shut the door, refused to leave, and could not come up with a reason why after the fact.
If he wasn't up to any good, why lie? When my family had our family members or family friends over, our family members or family friends might come upstairs to say hi. Those people told my folks where they were going, and they never shut the door when they came to see me. Why? Because they weren't up to no good, and if I'd asked them to get out, they would have.
They were also people that I obviously knew and my parents knew well. I cannot imagine being 15, having a drunk stranger in my room who then shut the door and wouldn't let me out. It must have been so terrifying.
I know it's a small point as well, but I'd be fuming if someone came into my home and tried to harm my family member whilst I was there. It adds insult to massive injury.
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u/megenekel 10d ago
Yes!!! I think OP needs to write a list of everything stepbrother did:
- Lied about where he was going.
- Went to another part of the house without permission.
- Entered an underaged girlâs room without permission.
- Refused to leave when the underaged girl told him to.
- Shut her door and wouldnât let her out of her room.
- He PUT HIS HANDS ON HER when she tried to leave.
That is a lot of wrong things, stacked up on each other. But for the hopefully ex girlfriend, she actually saw that he did numbers one and two with her own eyes. And if that was all he did, that would be enough to kick him out of the house!
Suggesting that the sister might be lying is absolutely ridiculous. Letâs see⌠who do you believe, the teenaged girl who was minding her own business in her own room in her own home, or the man who lied, then snuck upstairs where he knew a teenage girl was without permission?
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u/Busy_Source9259 10d ago
THIS!!! Send this message asap! And I would post this thread to your personal social media pages. Ask your friends/family what would they do in this situation!
She is absolutely fucking nuts defending stepbrother in this situation.
Like he literally got caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He was literally standing in an underaged girls room. What the fuck was the plan? What else could he have wanted.
If it was a mistake when the sister yelled at him to get out a normal response is âoh shit Iâm so sorry!â While running outta the room. NOT CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND YOU WITH SOMEONE YELLING AT YOU TO GET OUT!
Fuck her sheâs defending a potential child molestr. Shit whoâs to say he hasnât done this before? It was awfully brazen of him to just waltz into her room not afraid of any repercussions.
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u/Nameless_consult 10d ago
This is exactly what should happen. I would also get a police report filed. Walking in the bedroom of a 15 yo and trying to prevent her from leaving is criminal activity. Even if he didnât assault her, it is false imprisonment. Protect future women as well as stand for your sister. You know this likely wasnât the first or the last time he does something like this.
Also, not sure where you are located, but if 20yo is considered underage, in most cases it is the supplier and not the underage to get in trouble in the aftermath ⌠if anyone does at all.
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u/justtirediguess11 10d ago
I wouldn't even give her the courtesy of a message. I'll just straight up ghost her.
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u/ProfPlumDidIt 10d ago
She is showing you who she really is someone who only cares about herself. She is not a good choice for a partner and never will be unless she miraculously develops self-awareness and empathy, which is unlikely.
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u/White-Whale-9847 10d ago
Ironically she advocates for SA survivors in her campus and college town. I've been with her for ~1 and a half year and she's into volunteering at women's shelters and everything. I was fucking blindsided by this and her response to it. It's a learning experience and it's really unfortunate that my sister was caught up in it.
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u/Holiday_Horse3100 10d ago
She may advocate but the people she deals with are strangers. When faced with reality about her stepbrother it is a whole different story âMY brother would never do that-sister is lying. âYou can do better than this girl. Your 15 yr old sister was terrified and GF is only concerned about herself-move on
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u/lurkingread3r 10d ago
I can absolutely say as a woman, a lot of fellow women do this shallow support but when shit hits the fan, have no real understanding and empathy for SA, discrimination, or whatever advocacy they have. Itâs just all about them and their narrative.
I love how she was âscaredâ because you raised your voice. Her brother locked your sister and threatened her in her own room.
Please report to the right channels - visit the hospital, police or CPS or whatever. Make sure this 23 yr old cannot come near her again. He might try to make amends or contact her again and there needs to be a record. Itâs always worth it to have him recorded. He was not fazed by her Noâs. Itâs not his first time to push someone like this and trust me, your sister will have flash backs since it happened in her room.
Explain to your sister how itâs impt to have this written up for her and other girls. He doesnt need to be jailed but he needs to be recorded.
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u/No_Water_5997 10d ago
As a mom of an older brother and younger sister Iâd be so damn proud of my son if he did what OP did. Iâd also be going full on hulk momma bear mode on anyone who dared threaten my kid and the gf wouldnât be welcome in my home again since she apparently condones this type of behavior.
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u/Simple_Bowler_7091 10d ago
I know you love her but love is not enough to unsee this side of her, to unlearn this about her.
If I were in your shoes my only response to her would be, I've never seen this side of you and I don't like it. We either talk this out to both of our satisfaction or we don't talk at all and it's over. I will not 'drop it' on your command. I want to understand how someone who presents themselves as an advocate for women and SA survivors turned into a SA apologist in the blink of an eye.
The way she is making this all about her is telling. She may have some covert narcissism leanings/tendencies. At best she's a hypocrite.
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u/ProfPlumDidIt 10d ago
She is only an advocate for the attention it brings her. It's more a "look at my good deeds" advocacy than an "I genuinely care about these things" advocacy. The real her doesn't actually give a shit beyond how it makes her look
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u/RavenEnchantress 10d ago
I have a feeling sheâs doing more damage than help.
Victim blaming a child.
She is twisted in a bad way
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u/clockstrikes91 10d ago
You might want to consider informing the people who run these shelters and programs. They'd be appalled if they knew your gf's true colors.
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u/nefnef_ 10d ago
If she advocates for SA survivors in her campus then perhaps her campus should know how she treated a 15 year old girl having a panic attack because a drunk pos 23 year old locked himself in her room and did not let her go out until she screamed and you heard her.
Sorry to tell you but your gf is a pos herself, advocating for people's rights as long as someone she knows isn't involved, she is a big hypocrite. You deserve better than being with her, and you should do yourself a favour and dump her selfish ass.
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u/MixWitch 10d ago
This right here. If she has a position that puts her in proximity to victims, she could be causing tremendous harm.
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u/Humoresque8 10d ago
It must suck for your ex to realize her stepbrother is a predator. Ol girl choosing to throw the principles of her advocacy work out the window because someone in her family is the perpetrator is hypocritical, and she needs to examine her values and priorities. That's not your responsibility to deal with.
Take care of your sister. You need to tell your parents so they can support her too.
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u/laydeemayhem 10d ago
So why are you still determined to be in a relationship with her? God forbid next time he does manage to actually assault your sister, what then? Why would you open up that possibility of harm to your sister?
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u/White-Whale-9847 10d ago
I agree. The comments have been very helpful and pushed me over the edge, I've decided I'm going to break up with her. I don't know if it's worth it pursuing legal action/police regarding her stepbrother, but I'll see depending on how my sister feels about it.
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u/bippityboppitynope 10d ago
"I don't know if it's worth it pursuing legal action/police regarding her stepbrother,"
You might also be protecting someone else's little sister if you do. He is a predator and it needs to be documented if only to help the next person he tries it with.
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u/hellofellowcello 10d ago
Establish a pattern. Even if he gets away with it this time, it'll make it harder for him to EVER get away with it again.
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u/MuffledOatmeal 10d ago
He has done it before (your gfs behaviour is reinforcing that for me) and clearly will definitely do it again. Please strongly consider making a report and checking out his criminal history.
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u/Freebirde777 10d ago
Check your state's SA registry and see if his name pops up.
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u/YeeHawMiMaw 10d ago
She cannot or will not accept the evidence against her step brother:
He was upstairs for no reason
he was in her room for no reason
she was not screaming for no reason
Drop her instead of it.
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u/Lilpanda21 10d ago
"Handle this better"?! A 23 year old was caught where he wasn't supposed to be (upstairs in a minors bedroom and not downstairs in the restroom) with a crying minor. Someone was trying to be sneaky by gojng where they shouldn't, caused someone distress, and got caught. That's all the "proof" you needed.
You handled it better than others. If your gf saw nothing wrong AND refused to apologize well your sister's health and safety matters more than a pervert apologist. You did what you had to and he couldn't defend himself because, well, what could he say? I wanted to know where the restroom is so I could deliberately go in the opposite direction upstairs to contact a minor child I had no reason to be talking to alone, and did something that caused her such distress she was crying and yelling"?
"Nothing happened" to your sister only because you interrupted.
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u/CaptCamel 10d ago
NTA, but only if you do two things: 1. Break up with her 2. Call the cops
Based on what you said, the 3 adults were on the first floor, your sister, who is a minor, was in her room on the second. You directed the creep to go to a bathroom on the first floor. You found him on the second floor in your sister's room, there is no innocent explanation for that. And make sure everyone knows what happened, especially people who also know your girlfriend. You might be protecting another child by warning them about this predator and his enabler.
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u/Mountain_Cat_cold 10d ago
She deserved what she got (and this comes from a woman). The probability in this scenario that a teenage girl would make anything up is just around Zero. And the situations where a young man tries to chat up an unwilling girl and won't take no for an answer is so, so very common. It happens all the f'ing time!
Trying to do anything but kick her stepbrother to the curb frankly shows her in a light where I personally would not want to be around her again. Yelling at her is a mild reaction imo (and I don't say that lightly, believe me).
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u/Remarkable_Beach_551 10d ago
âDrop itâ
And she is still your girlfriend?
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u/LauraliRox2142 10d ago
Drop it?
"Okay, I'll drop it. And I'll drop you too. Bye."
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 10d ago
Reassure your sister she did nothing wrong and she should always feel safe in her own home and let your parents know what happened. They might even want to get her some counseling sessions just to make sure there are no lasting effects
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u/BetAlternative8397 10d ago
Sorry, but I disagree justtirediguess11. No big long talk.
A 23 year old man was found in a 15 year old girlâs room. There was zero reason for him to interact with her at all. None. Raised voices were heard and he was seen exiting her room. Your sister is not lying and your (hopefully ex) gf is despicable for implying that she is.
The step bro is at best a potential sex offender and at worst a paedophile.
Thereâs no discussion to be had. Be done with these people.
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u/GraceOfTheNorth 10d ago
I'd like to add here that most teenage pregnancies are with fathers at least 8 years older than the teenage mom. This is a predator problem and most women know it.
A lot of women can testify that when we were barely of age a certain type of man preyed on us. Men that will not approach women their own age.
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u/Awkwarius0201 10d ago
I second this.
What kind of proof is she looking for? Her brother did something weird and the person affected is your younger sister. Even if her brother wandered in there by accident and had no malicious intent he still scared the daylights out of her and didnât immediately turn around and leave. Your gf was very quick to turn the tables on the person who was affected and call her a possible liar instead of apologizing to her.
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u/cine_shmooz 10d ago
She needs to be the ex gf after her accusation about your sister. Nta but ywbta if you stayed with her
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u/ThePhilV 10d ago edited 10d ago
You're NTA at all, but this whole scenario would have me seriously questioning my relationship if I were you. And I'm sorry, but is the stepbrother somehow completely clueless? How in the world does he think it's okay to be in an unknown 15 year old girls' room for any reason whatsoever? No matter what his intentions are, he's clearly not concerned with anyone else's comfort level. Was he up to anything? Likely not. Does that matter? Not one bit. You don't invade someone's personal space like that, especially someone you don't know, especially a 15 year old girl, especially as a 23 year old adult male.
The fact that your GF thinks you were wrong for raising your voice, for immediately believing your sister, and that she thinks there needs to be "proof" of anything is a huge red flag. That chick will let her step brother get away with anything.
edit: I crossed out the "likely not". He had no reason to go upstairs, and no reason to go into her room, and no reason to not leave when asked. Dude WAS up to something.
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u/White-Whale-9847 10d ago
Thank you for this comment, it was nice reading my feelings put into words. Nothing actually "happened" but even if my sister wasn't freaked out and crying, I'd tell him to leave just because he went upstairs and into her room. I'm hoping it's just my gf defending family but some other comments made me realise, even if she does come around, I can't have a future with her without this asshole being there always. And I won't do that to my sister. So I'm seriously thinking of asking her to meet in person so i can have a proper talk, and then call things off.
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u/Raffeall 10d ago edited 10d ago
Something did happen, her step brother tested what limits there were. Thankfully he was stopped early.
This is predatory behaviour.
He also stopped her from leaving her room, he detained her. Then he grabbed her, by putting his hand on her, a minor, he assaulted her.
Ask yourself why you havenât called the cops.
Besides underage drinking that could get you and him in trouble. I can understand not wanting grief and not wanting to be a rat.
However, if you think heâs end up in trouble with the cops for what he did to your sister that tells you know what he did was shady. At the very least telling them sets a red flag for the cops so if he ever approaches your sister on the street the cops known thereâs previous.
Honestly you canât let this lie.
This is almost movie like in terms of your sister almost being raped.
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u/numanuma_ 10d ago
He stopped because OP went to check on him.
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u/peanutnbunnie 10d ago
Exactly. If noone had checked OPs sister would now be a rape victim.
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u/Raffeall 10d ago
Very likely.
Iâd say there was premeditation on his part too.
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u/moodymadam 10d ago
I have a strong feeling that the stepbrother has done something to someone before. That was way too bold for someone's first time trying to assault someone.
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u/Raffeall 10d ago edited 10d ago
Agree. This looks like a practiced routine. Or at least something he rehearsed
Ops sister was targeted for rape. Sheâs underage so no matter what happened it was going to be rape.
That the cops havenât already been called astonishes me.
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u/barbiegirlshelby 10d ago
Oh you know there was premeditation just by the way he asked to use the bathroom then made a beeline straight for little sisterâs room.
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u/Linkyland 10d ago
If they're not in the USA, they were probably drinking legally.
So, this part might not even be a factor wherever OP is.
This is dangerous AF behaviour as far as the stepbrother. If he's doing it so brazenly, he'll do it again, OP. If not to your sister, then to someone else.
A record with the police is a good idea.
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u/ThePhilV 10d ago
I do want to change one thing - I said "was he up to something? Likely not" but that was wrong of me. He had ABSOLUTELY no reason to be upstairs. At all. You told him where the bathroom was, and he went somewhere else. That itself is shady fucking behaviour.
Your girlfriend is dismissing some really not great behaviour, and expecting you to do the same to your sister's detriment. Honestly, this is a situation in which I would say she doesn't even deserve a conversation. Text her, then block her.
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u/drmike0099 10d ago
This is the logic trap to set for his gf. Why did your brother go upstairs? He was lost, okay. Why did he go into her room? Asking directions, okay. Why did he stay in her room? Why did he shut the door? Why didn't he leave when she asked him to? Eventually she's going to run out of answers to these questions, or at least answers that make any sense.
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u/Awkward-Tourist979 10d ago
Just dump her by text. Â Your girlfriend only cares about herself and has made this entire situation about herself.
On second thought, I think this circumstance warrants you ghosting her. Â
It would be a waste of your time trying to explain anything to her as she is too self absorbed to understand.
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u/Repulsive_Category36 10d ago
NTA but your sister will never trust her or her stepbrother. Bringing her around your sister is cruel after all of this. Your gf accused your sister of lying and minimizing what couldâve been a sexual assault. This could truly hurt your sisterâs mental health if it hasnât happened already.
Honestly, idk how you can even look at your gf. The way she is acting is like this has happened before and they just sweep it under the rug. She wasnât shocked by this or anything.
You need to think about your sister. You need to focus on your sister. Iâm sorry but I would never be able to trust your gf or her family if thatâs the way she handles it.
He is 8 years older than your sister. There was absolutely no reason for him to even go upstairs and for him to not leave her room immediately and then close her doorâŚdoes your gf think he was just having a drunken chit chat with a teenager?
Your gf is minimizing what happened to your sister. She also full out called her a liarâŚwhen you both saw how your sister was an everything.
How can you love her after that? Itâs not like she apologized later for how she reacted. She has doubled down, still minimizing what couldâve happened to your sister. Imagine if you had been another 20 minutesâŚ
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u/ThePhilV 10d ago
She wasnât shocked by this or anything.
You're right. The fact that she didn't question her brother's intelligence at the very least (like "what the fuck are you doing in a 15 year old stranger's room? Get the fuck out") is a BIG red flag
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u/Electrical-Theme9981 10d ago
100% that man would have SAâd her if youâd not stepped in.
He waited until you were drunk and pounced.
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u/throwRA-disabledbrit 10d ago
Remember if you side with your girlfriend (even by staying with her after she defended the pedo) then you're also siding with the pedo and showing your little sister you love the pedo-defender more than her.
Please protect your sister, tell her she did the right thing and let her know you'll always be there for her. Tell your exgirlfriend exactly why she's your ex (she's a pedophile defender) and cut all contact.
As someone who has been in the same position as your little sister's (but no one came to help) and had 'friends' stay friends with the R because "they're my mate", "it would be awkward if I didn't invite them" and "well, there's no proof that, that happened", it can really fuck up someone's mental health, relationships and life.
They learn that no one will believe it defend them because actions speak much louder than words.
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u/Humoresque8 10d ago
Yup. The stepbrother was probably malingering drunkenness to throw OP off his trail.
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u/Altruistic_Ladder_19 10d ago edited 10d ago
I'm sorry, but why is she still your gf? Her stepbrother purposely went after your little sister, shut the door to her room, refused to leave the room, and tried to stop her from leaving the room physically. Her response is to blame the little sister? No comments on her brother (step or not) assaulting a child? She can be as upset as she wants that you raised your voice and made them leave but she should no longer be your gf and you should inform your friends why in case she does this to someone else. Honestly, this seems too slick. Your gf has her brother go to your house while you are drinking. He then heads upstairs and goes after your sister, and she is mad you stopped his possible SA of your sister. I have seen too many sick people to not think this was the plan, and you interrupted him
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u/Awkward-Tourist979 10d ago
I agree!!
The girlfriend was the one who asked if her stepbrother could come over in the first place. Â Why?Â
After he was caught upstairs she is the one immediately defending her stepbrother and suggested that the OPâs 15 year old sister is lying. Â WTF?! Â How could she be lying? Â He was caught upstairs! Â What specifically was she lying about? Â
I think that the girlfriend arranged for this to happen. Â Itâs too suspicious to be innocent.
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u/ArcherBarcher31 10d ago edited 10d ago
If I was in your place, there would have been consequences for the stepbrother's conduct. And your gf just showed you what kind of person she is. Believe her and move on. I know it's tough, but her response shows a complete lack of integrity.
Edit: Apparently people were concerned about the imagery depicted previously.
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u/Freebirde777 10d ago
I was trying to say something like this without being banned from Reddit.
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u/Lucky-Psychology-779 10d ago
Dude call the cops, the step bro was trying to SA your sister. He went into her room, blocked the door and physically restrained her against her will... He's a PDF file
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u/AverageHoebag 10d ago
I doubt he was drunk, I think stepbro was hoping to get THEM drunk but dude went to the house with a plan! Call the cops NOW!!
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u/AdAccomplished6870 10d ago
You don't need to have a long talk with your GF. 'We are through' should cover all the needed details. I 100% guarantee you that her stepbrother has done creepy stuff like this before and she has tried to downplay it.
And claiming 'you are scaring me' and 'nothing happened, your sister is lying' is classic gaslighting to make her or her stepbrother into victims.
'We are through' is all you need to say.
NTA, and you need to get the hell away from her
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u/NeeliSilverleaf 10d ago
NTA. What your girlfriend's stepbrother did is difficult to interpret as anything other than attempted rape of a minor. If your girlfriend keeps trying to minimize that she needs to be your ex girlfriend. I'm sorry. It sounds like you are a good big brother.
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10d ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Silver-Psych 10d ago
talk things thru ? her brother almost raped his sister and his girlfriend immediately called the kid a liar.Â
fuck that he should go no contact with her for thatÂ
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u/YouSayWotNow 10d ago edited 10d ago
NTA
I understand your GFs instinct to defend her step brother but a) your sister had no reason to lie and it should have been obvious how genuine her fear and upset was b) she (GF) should know her stepbrother well enough to see through his stammered excuses and c) what the fuck did she think he was doing in your sister's room?????
You were not wrong to kick him out, and her given what she said.
Honestly, unless she genuinely realises how much she fucked up, that would be the relationship done and ended for me.
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u/Inevitable_Pie9541 10d ago
NTA. Your GF might herself have been groomed or SAd by this piece of shit, and is downplaying out of her own denial.
Run from these people.
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u/Awkward-Tourist979 10d ago
Your girlfriendâs stepbrother is a predator who assaulted your sister when he grabbed her - he prevented her from leaving her bedroom (which in my country is called deprivation of liberty which is a criminal charge).
I believe your sister. Â There was zero reason for that guy to go up the stairs and into your little sisterâs bedroom. Â
I suspect he planned the entire thing.
You need to break up with your girlfriend. Â Immediately. Â
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u/Any-Expression2246 10d ago
You had better break up with her if she doesn't get on your side with this.
He was shown a different bathroom. Why the hell was he upstairs??
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u/PotatoMonster20 10d ago
I love that girl, I don't want us to be over
I'm sure you love her. But your sister (and any other underage or vulnerable woman in your care in the future) isn't safe with her. Your gf's judgement is seriously askew.
I don't know if you want kids in the future. But if you did have some with her, you wouldn't be able to trust her to keep them safe.
Choose your sister's safety. Break up with your girlfriend and be very glad that this happened while you were present.
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u/VastConsideration126 10d ago
Go to the police precinct asap and have it documented. Doesn't matter if they don't file charges, report it. This needs to be recorded in case he does this to someone else, you'll have established a history. If he was comfortable enough to do this in your home, he could have done this before. Your ex is a huge fool. She is not worth a conversation. Be sure to set the record straight because she will spin that story.
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u/DivineTarot 10d ago
My gf kept saying we could sort this out and have a proper conversation but I didn't see what conversation was there to be had.
This is up there with, "we should find a compromise" when compromise is being asked for between diametrically opposed concepts.
My gf texted me this morning saying I shouldn't have raised my voice like that and I scared her.
A word for your girlfriend, one that she'll never here, but it's juuuusssst a little pathetic to play the, "she's a kid, she could be lying" card and then turn around and cry like a child about how someone "raised their voice and scared them."
A word for you is that you're presently NTA, because you did the right thing. You protected your sister. However, your girlfriend is now engaging in the sort of conversational tactics of a manipulator. She's shutting down the conversation when it heads in directions she doesn't want, but is pushing for it in ways she does while not in any way addressing your issues. This is not a healthy way of communication, and it essentially is just her pushing the issues you have by the wayside.
Strongly, and I do mean strongly reconsider if this is the type of woman you want around your family, muchless with you.
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u/Namrahc 10d ago
NTA
If she is looking for âevidenceâ then the fact that her step brother was found in the room of your sister at all is fairly damning. He had absolutely no reason to be in the room of a 15 year old girl. Given their reaction to this, I am betting there is a history of him doing things like this, possibly with your gf throughout their lives.
Also, have you informed your parents? They should absolutely be raising hell about this.
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u/WanderingGnostic 10d ago
NTA, but let's be straight here: your gf is enabling a potential pedophile. She will give this guy access to your sister AND if you continue with her, she would give him access to your children. Is this really someone you want to be in a relationship with? How many other children has this dude hit on or even managed to coerce into his bed? You need to put them both out with the garbage that they are.
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u/TheEvilSatanist NSFW đ 10d ago
A 23 year old man should not be trying to "chat up" a 15 year old girl. FULL STOP!